Finally, after three and a half years, I am putting together our wedding album through a program on our iMac (loooooove our iMac). I was hoping to add a copy of our vows and went searching through all my saved writings to see if I had a copy of them somewhere. I type this with a smile on my face from the many "treasures" I found and remembered. It makes me wonder if there will come a time (God-willing far down the road) when my loved ones will go through my things when I have passed and smile at the little drawings and poems I have scattered across my life story... God only knows.
I am also somewhat disappointed at the things I had forgotten! If I can share any advice at this moment, it is to WRITE! Get those thoughts down on paper even if it results only in fuel for a little fire. It is incredibly healing and releasing... and should you come across it years down the road, it can be delightful to see how you have changed and grown... or have remained exactly the same!
The treasures I unfolded were the emails Duane and I first shared with each other when we met on lavalife. I had a profile picture that I will post when I can find it again... simple and encompassing WHO I believe I am... happy with who God continues to make me and unafraid of what anyone thinks.
And Duane found this, was drawn to it and reached out... somewhat aggressively (as is Duane's style) but I truly loved him for it. He was straight to the point addressing my then-hyphenated name, asking about my faith and my children. As you have probably guessed from my blog, I am adamant about being honest and open with people. It is my way of respecting others. So when I saw that he was honest and upfront, I dished out the truth without boundaries fearing I would never hear from this poor guy ever again.
His response was of awe! I knew right then and there he was someone special!
The spiritual debates flew from there as we challenged each other, respected each other and GREW from what the other had to offer. He kept asking for my phone number so we could cease the long emailing and get straight to the talking and I refused. It wasn't until I met him and saw his HUGE hands and fingers that I actually felt very bad for all the typing he had to do... on a tiny laptop keyboard!!
When we finally decided to meet on January 7, 2006 (it was a Saturday) it was as though time stood still. To this day, we still cannot understand how we covered so much ground in just a few short hours. Up until that point, we had not spoken on the phone and we agreed that the very first time we would hear each others' voice would be when we met in person. I was falling madly in love with him as he shared himself with me through the written word... a man of deep faith, a relentless desire to learn more of what God asks of us so we can better serve Him, a man of integrity which results in his desire to farm nutrient-dense food as his way of loving humanity. Even as I type this, tears are filling my eyes as my heart swells with love for this man I have believed in since I was a little girl.
And so the very first time he heard my voice, it was to speak his name "Duane?" And he got up from the bench at King's Park and looked at me as though I had something hanging out of my nose. He spoke my name and we hugged and he pushed me back and looked at me again. I was makeup-less and wearing a toque... not exactly my idea of "sexy" but making a conscious point of being "just plain old me."
I later learned that he looked at me with such surprise (and if you know Duane, you know that NOTHING surprises the man) because when he saw me, he KNEW I was the one. My heart knew it, too, but the rest of it didn't kick in for me until he came over the next day. This big man was pouring over my teenie tiny bible as he read me a passage with such passion and love for God... I had to resist from kissing the top of his head and yell "you're the one!"
Instead, Melina said it for me when I first brought the kids out to the farm... sigh. She got out of the car, looked around at the beautiful homestead and said "wow... when do we get to move in?"
Duane just smiled sweetly and said "only time will tell." Bless his steady heart... because mine just about jumped out of my chest in that moment!
So this is the treasure I have uncovered tonight. And I wanted to share it with you. I have married my soul mate. And while we butt heads and challenge each other (and some of us get insane amounts of speeding tickets) we are gloriously and fearfully made for each other. I delight in our union, of our foundation in God and our desire to have that deepen and grow stronger.
So tonight, my prayer is for my Beloved:
To you, my love, that you may KNOW that I love you without condition. That your prayers for me still feel like warmth in my tummy and yes I feel you praying for me when we are in the middle of an argument... you darling, darling man! That I love you more today than yesterday and that you inspire me in many ways. Thank you for finding me and may God bless you forever my love. In Jesus' precious name.