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Monday, 2 February 2009

"Be still and know that I am God"

It is one of those rare moments where the house is still…

Oops, even as I type this, I hear my three month old grunting his warning of waking for another impending feeding. Perhaps you find yourself in this same situation? As a mother of four, the notion of “Be still and know that I am God” is a luxury I look forward to even more than my weekly shower! I find myself struggling with the duty of being Christ-like in parenting my little ones while running off of little to no sleep and not recognizing my own reflection in the mirror. How do I devote my heart to God and offer Him up my day despite the chaos that seems to surge all around me? Where can I find that stillness and seek His guidance as I step on toys, trip on some un-folded laundry (again) and plan our next meal? I find myself quick to keep the grocery list updated but my own heart for God is hushed and brushed aside with an “I’ll deal with you later” notion. It dawns on me how “worldly” a thought that is. How ironic to be so consumed by the tasks of this world that I should be the one to push God away… What if I were to take on God’s “to-do” list? What if I had the task of caring for BILLIONS of His children? Yet never once does He tell me “I don’t have time for you right now.”

Every so often, I close my eyes and delve into a peaceful place in my heart… Chaos still reigns all around me, but as the sounds drift away, I am led to a beautiful forest with a sparkling brook running through it. I envision God’s light streaming down and giving life to all creation. The brook itself seems to flow with some ethereal fluid as though it were carrying LOVE in liquid form. It is the most life-giving place where I can meet with Him… where I am finally STILL… and REMEMBER that He is God. The wind dances across a field of tall grass and the sound reminds me of waves on the ocean. There is so much peace here and I am reminded that NOTHING else matters outside of this: my connection, my devotion, my love for God. All too quickly, the sound of a child crying brings me back and I am left with that feeling of “wow, I have GOT to do that more often.”

I get that same feeling after I’ve dragged myself outside for a jog or lasted through my entire kickboxing video… “Wow, this feels so good! Why do I ever fight doing this?”

So for all you moms out there who find it challenging to meet with God, I offer you a friendly reminder that you needn’t pack up the kids and load them into a vehicle nor do you have to get out of your pjs and do your hair & makeup. To meet with God is to be still within your own mind. No appointment required. No grocery list, folding or presoak needed!

I offer up this prayer to find each of you mothers:
Blessed Father… You are so gracious in your patience. You have gifted us mothers with the care of your special children and I ask for your strength, wisdom and patience to love them as you love us. May we find rest in the brief moments of peace that come our way. May we find purpose in the tasks that can seem mundane and fruitless. And may you give us the eyes to see the blessings of our hectic lives. Thank you for our health and our children’s health and for the help you send our way. Thank you for always waiting to meet with us. In Jesus’ precious name. Amen.

Sunday, 1 February 2009

Humble beginnings

Alright, thank you to Wilma who is my “hey, why haven’t you updated your blog yet?” reminder!

Yes, I can hardly believe it has been nearly a year since my last entry and yes, life has been THAT busy! I just celebrated my 30th birthday last week and I swear I have no clue where all these years have gone.

I remember so vividly standing on my tippy toes in my parents’ bathroom trying to look in the mirror. I could barely see the tip of my head and I remember thinking “wow, someday I’ll be big and I’ll see myself in the mirror.” For years afterwards, I always noticed how much easier it was to see my reflection.

Now the mirror plagues me in a different way… lack of sleep, lack of time to take care of myself properly, lack of exercise and all those fun details that go with motherhood have kept me from recognizing the woman starring back at me in the mirror.

My thoughts are scattered (you should hear me try to ask Duane for help “pass me that thing next to that other thing”). What would normally roll off my back seems to bother me and where I used to be able to find the good in all situations and people, I find myself quick to anger and far from loving.

Who is this person? What have I become? Will it go away when I get sleep again? Please, God almighty, tell me this isn’t who I “AM”!

So my first post of 2009 comes to you from a depth of humility that will hopefully initiate some change in my attitude. I miss “me”. And the irony of it all is that I am responsible for four children now and they deserve to have a mother in her right mind… one who can still tackle the dishes in the kitchen, vacuum more than once every two weeks, one who showers a little more frequently and who gets out of her flannel pjs BEFORE 9:00 a.m.!

Sheesh, in re-reading that last string of descriptors, you’d think I was a lazy teenager! Oh my dear beloved friends… I am in desperate need of your prayers.

Who do I WANT to be?

I want to be silly and unconditional with EVERYONE who crosses my path. I want my home to be a place of refuge & comfort for those who need an ear or a shoulder or just a simple cup of tea… ok, make it a Yerba Maté. I want the smell of fresh bread in the kitchen and that feeling in my heart when I know I will be feeding others. I want a sense of purpose to burst from my heart as my motivation to be loving and supportive. I want acceptance to radiate from within so as to leave others comforted by the fact that I will NOT reserve judgment on them. I want to laugh out loud (mostly at myself) and let TRUTH guide my every word and action. I want to be LIFE-GIVING. I want my words towards my children to be uplifting and not reprimanding. I want to see the value in the daily tasks that seem mundane & fruitless. And most importantly, I want my heart to reflect God’s love for all of us… what light, what promise, what freedom!

This is what I pray for… this is what I trust will return to my being… this is what I want to offer all of you.

May this find you all diving into 2009 with a sense of self-reflection and self-awareness that will leave you growing tremendously in your life, your faith, your love and your “self”. Look in the mirror and KNOW who you see. God bless you all!