I've had one of the hardest and most humbling years of my life. I feel like I'm crawling my way out of a wreckage. I am not the same person... and maybe that's a good thing.
But my flame of faith has dwindled to a flickering flame and some days I fear the slightest breeze will extinguish it. So I surrender this tiny pile of embers with nothing but hope that He will still work with what's left. Perhaps whatever fire He can set ablaze with a pathetic flame will be all the more to His glory and His alone.
I have battled in my thoughts and flesh. I have hated what I've loved and loved what I hated. I finally understand Paul's words in Romans when he talks about the battle in his flesh... that he serves the law of God with his mind, but his body/flesh wages an even harder battle. He therefore concludes his frustration that he finds himself doing that which he hates!
Confession and repentance truly are the only spiritual keys out of our own prisons. It takes being willing to lose everything for the sake of finally reconnecting with integrity to leap like a gazelle out of our transgressions.
I so desperately long for the day when this testing is completed and the victory is fully His.
Joy used to be my daily companion but it's been nearly a year since I've felt her presence. But something dawned on me today...
I went for a walk and soaked in the long awaited sunshine. Suddenly, I began to thank God for the ability to walk... and a smile began on my face... so then I thanked Him for clean air and lungs that work to nourish my body with oxygen-rich blood... and a spark ignited in my heart.
Wow!! With each tiny brick of gratitude, it's as though I began laying a foundation amidst the wreckage. Joy can only be built on a foundation of gratitude!
It's not something that you can buy or be given, it truly is a choice to create a brick out of your own willingness to SEEK and FIND what is good around you. A paradigm shift with a power that no one can take from you!
No wonder the Bible says "rejoice in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
So rather than be lost in my year of discipline from God as an erroneous message of my condemnation, I will rise with the truth that in discipline, He is CALLING us!
So my beloved dear ones, count your blessings like little bricks and watch Joy build up in your life like a lighthouse... a lighthouse where even the tiniest flickering flame can lead a ship safely home.
God bless you all!
