Getting Old

Ah yes, the signs of aging are beginning to stare back at me in the mirror!  Since our trip to Florida, I have been finding grey hairs... which was met with both intrigue and pride!  (Quickly followed by, "wow... this is the beginning of the end of my brown hair!").

Yep, someday I'll look in that mirror and see a wrinkled, grey-haired woman looking back at me and I will wonder where on earth time has gone!  Or maybe the cataracts will be similar to a soft-lens camera and I'll think I look better than ever!

Regardless, I am living my life and feeling good about what I have experienced thus far.  I can only imagine how I will reflect on my life in those days.

With that preamble, I was sitting on the couch the other afternoon actually indulging in the rarity of reading a book... yes, actually reading a book!  Anika is beginning to outgrow her afternoon naps and sure enough she came tip-toeing down the stairs and stood next to me on the couch as I continued reading an intense part of the book.

After a few more minutes of silence, she asked me "Mom, why do you have a grumpy face?"  I looked away from my book into her questioning eyes and said "What?"  To which she replied, "Mom, do you have a grumpy face because you're getting old?"

At this I burst out laughing!!

It really is fun to see how kids view the world.  So those of you who are grumpy around her, be forewarned she may think it's because you have not come to terms with getting "old"!  Hee hee hee!

Well my dear ones, may you rejoice in every well-earned wrinkle... every exhausted grey hair... every varicose vein that maps your leg out like a well-travelled story... and every migrating hair finding its way to places on your body you never dreamed you'd find hair!  LOL!  May you be timeless in who you are and loved for the time you are here.  God bless!

Sea creatures in the sky

Just had to capture this little moment...


As I was driving in the van with the kids to pick up Isabel from a school (a forty-five minute commute one-way driven TWICE daily... sigh), Anika exclaimed "MOMMY!  I see a DOLPHIN!"


Naturally, I could not imagine where on earth in the long stretch of highway with nothing but fields on either side she could possibly spot a dolphin.  I glanced up in the rear view mirror to see her looking up at the sky.


The sky was perfectly blue and the sun was shining bright.  A much welcomed warmth after the gloomy days of rain and snow we've had this week.  Sure enough, in the sky were puffy white clouds.  I suppose one looked just like a whale.  (Anika seems to truly have an affinity to sea creatures... whereas they are my phobia... most intriguing!).


Before I could comment, she exclaimed with disappointment:


"Never mind, Mom.  It's just a sword fish."


Ah... the joys of being witness to a child's mind's process.  No wonder Jesus said that the kingdom belongs to those with the heart of a child.  Here are a few more precious biblical verses that speak of our world's precious children (English Standard Version).


Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
(Psalms 127:3-5 ESV)


“‘Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies you have prepared praise’?”
(Matthew 21:15-16 ESV)


“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.
(Matthew 18:10 ESV)


And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
(Matthew 18:2-6 ESV)


And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
(Mark 10:13-16 ESV)


Enjoy in this day and in knowing that our world is filled with such beautiful children and the multitude of wise words, silly words and joyous laughter.  (Please note that I have left out whining, complaining, and crying... just trying to savour the moment... savouring it... ah yes.)

Just a spoon full of sugar!

In Anika's case, just a spoon full of sugar kept the medicine from going down!  But not just any sugar, D-Mannose... the glyconutrient that has kept her bladder infection free for six months now!!

Back in the fall, I had posted about our last attempts to heal Anika's recurring UTI's naturally before filling out the six month prescription of Septra antibiotics her urologist had prescribed.  Anika was suffering from high fevers, back pain, vomiting and other serious ramifications to bladder infections particularly late summer and early fall.  She'd had a few since she was a year old but they seemed to be getting worse.  Ultrasound showed no structural issues but a VCUG live x-ray did indicate the bladder's reflux towards her right kidney.

Hence the referral to a pediatric urologist in the fall.

Do you know what I wish?  I wish the dialogues I start with specialists about potential nutritional deficiencies, natural remedies, etc... could be met with a healthy dose of intrigue rather than the same old "oh... you're one of those parents."

Yes, we want to fuel our children's bodies to work as God designed them to work, using the very FOODS he gave us to fuel it and heal it with!  Argh... I am quickly making my way towards a rant...

Deep breath in... remember, Rita, these are people who genuinely believe what they are doing is right... they have spent years being trained that way... questioning that training content, whether founded or not, will never be a "fun" feeling for anyone.

Needless to say, we left that fall apointment holding a six month antibiotic prescription for Anika, no questions answered and a feeling of "is that it?  Long-term meds or surgery??"

Cue the classic Rita-Mom question... "but surely there's more to this than that??"

And God led me straight to the curious findings of D-Mannose powder.  So I thank you once again for joining us in prayers for Anika.  These have led us to some great findings which have also helped others whom we know and love.  Would you join with me in prayer that the medical community, responsible for the public's health, will begin to seek answers in what God provided for us naturally?

Below is a letter I just submitted to the Mayo Clinic in hopes of sparking more official research in this department:


Dear Sir or Madam,


I know it is not always welcomed to investigate natural remedies but I was truly hoping that my own experience could help others who suffer from chronic UTIs.


My four year old daughter has level three reflux from the bladder to her right kidney and has suffered severe UTIs (and we suspect kidney infections) since she was a year old.  Her urologist had prescribed a six month round of antibiotics and my hesitancy led me to try desperately to find an alternate method of treatment.


Yes, I know... there's that word... alternate treatment.  But bare with me as I truly hope this could spark some interest in official research.


What I found was the glyconutrient, D-Mannose.  I found hundreds of stories about this simple sugar floating in the bladder and e-coli letting go of the bladder wall to cling to this sugar.  Full blown UTI's were being cleared within two days (IF UTI was caused by e-coli).


Given that my daughters chronic bladder infections were consistently caused by that pathogen, and given that there are absolutely no issues with a "spoon full of sugar", I gave it one last shot before turning to Septra antibiotics.


If you are a parent, I know you can empathize the sheer relief, the tears of joy, when my daughter's suffering finally stopped!


She has been UTI-free for six months with routine urine analysis indicating NO abnormalities whatsoever!


Her urologist discharged her as a patient with no interest whatsoever in why this D-Mannose has worked.  


This powder is affordable to all families with no ramifications whatsoever... but where is the clinical research to support such findings?  Other than countless testimonies, I cannot find many actual articles.


I know natural remedies mean that patents cannot be made, profits cannot be had... but surely for the sake of our fellow man, woman and child, could there be motivation to research what is available by nature alone?


I hope this can spark an interest in one of your researchers as I know the Mayo Clinic is known for its ethical approach to healthcare.  More than anything, I just want others to benefit as our family has.  Blessings to you from our family!


And with that, my dears, I bid you adieu with thanksgiving in my heart for the healing that Anika has come to know now.  Bless you all out there!

Bladder Matter

Once again, I have to shake my head as I take in the many doctor's appointments we continue to have (one or two or more per week since September).  I have to admit, we are not doing such a great job of selling people on the whole "go organic, go natural & don't immunize your kids!"  Yeah, that way they can deal with wonderful health issues just like ours!!

Well, I don't think it would be fair to say that it is due to our lifestyle that our kids are facing health issues but it most certainly causes us to stop and think, "what the heck are we doing wrong??"

In Anika's case, it is the reflux of urine from her bladder back to her right kidney.  This causes many bladder infections and possible kidney infections.  Bladder infections... we can deal with, but kidney infections cause permanent damage so even though our heart's desire is to treat her naturally and as free of antibiotics as possible, we are talking about screwing around with a significant organ and all decisions need to be weighed very heavily.

I always like to seek other people's opinions about these things, chew through each of them, discuss further with Duane and sum up to our own conclusion.  And boy can the opinions vary!!  Especially when your sources of reference are from one end of the spectrum (go-hard anti-conventional medicine activists to pharmacy-tech assistants!).  But I would much prefer to hear the full gamut of opinions than reside stubbornly in one spot.

We also met with a urologist who said we either put her on antibiotics for the next year at which point they will perform another VCUG to see if the backflow has corrected itself or worsened OR choose one of two surgeries for her.  One of which is to inject a sticky substance at the base of the ureter to prevent backflow... at which point I asked "but if it prevents backflow, does it affect drainage from the kidney?"  The answer was "yes, sometimes it can cause issues with kidney drainage."  ARGH!

Bottom line, summing up most of the opinions, one aspect remains consistent... this is her kidney we're talking about and chronic bladder infections absolutely need to be addressed!  The "how" aspect is the variance...

Anika's urine is very alkaline meaning it lacks the level of acidity required to kill off bacteria such as style="font-size: normal;">e-coli (which has been the main culprit bacterium for her chronic bladder infections).  It's the kidneys that play a key role in maintaining normal acid-base balance primarily through the re-absorption of sodium and the tubular secretion of hydrogen and ammonium ions (waste product of the metabolism).  Most of the bacteria responsible for urinary tract infections make the urine more alkaline because the bacteria split urea into ammonia and other alkaline waste products.  Sadly, when I asked the urologist what the link is between Anika's alkaline urine (discovered by the naturopath) and her chronic bladder infections, both urologists present said "there is no connection.

I was not satisfied with that answer.

So I studied, researched, etc... and stumbled upon a natural sugar called D-Mannose.  It is a simple sugar found especially in the bladder.  Safe for children, proven just as effective as antibiotic (and in some cases, better) and even safe for pregnant, nursing moms and diabetics!  I read up on several sites including a pharmacist's blog post which I was rather impressed with.  I was very intrigued by the mechanism of action (click on the link to read up... pretty cool, really) and ordered a bottle for Anika.

We also learned about the benefits of cranberries and ordered ActiFruit Cranberry Chews by Enzymatic Therapy which Anika LOVES!  (They really are quite tasty... what?  I had to double check, you know!).  Cranberries lower urine ph (make it more acidic), has anti-microbial properties AND inhibits adherence of p-fimbriated (mannose-resistant) E. coli to the uroepithelium (the bladder walls).  You can even read up on a neat pilot study on it.

All of this to say that we are making this last "natural" attempt before turning to the long-term antibiotics.  If this does not work, we simply are not going to take any more chances.  It has now been nearly a month and Anika has had NO BLADDER INFECTIONS!!  She had a fever last week and we feared this was another UTI but her urine sample came back completely clear!

We are ever hopeful that this will be effective but ready to fill those prescriptions should Anika be faced with anymore UTI's.

For all of you out there, be healthy, be loved, be cared for.  May your own bodies be healed by the choices you make, nourished by the foods you take in, loved by the respect you have for it!  Regardless of random hair growth, effects of gravity, and more "beauty marks" than a connect-the-dots compilation booklet... it is an incredible ecosystem and it sustains your life!  Be good to yourselves and may this find you giving thanks for the health you do know.  Much love (as always) and God bless, everyone!

The good and the bad

These last few weeks have been nothing short of truly charged with everything possible under the sun!

In winding down for the tail end of this pregnancy, things seem to have been winding up instead.  The nesting instinct has kicked in and I have spent nearly fifteen hours thus far completely reorganizing the basement and the plethora of various children's clothing sizes (from Melina's pre-teen hand me downs to the newborn clothing awaiting our newest addition)!  We have been cramming in as many visits with friends and family as possible and annual doctor's appointments (as I am concerned things will be too hectic over these next six to twelve months to be on top of these things).

In addition to the great increase in activity, I have no longer been able to sleep at night.  I now make unnatural sounds when attempting to shift from one side in bed to the other... and yes, sometimes I need to ask Duane for a shove.  My bladder is holding up very well with this pregnancy so I am only getting up about once or twice in the night.  And the dreaded anticipated end-of-the-road swelling has arrived.  The numbness in my hands keep me up and any attempts at cooking or handling the kids (even just pulling up pants) feels so strange without sensation in your hands!  Yik!

But worst of all has been the heartburn!  Never in my life have I experienced anything like this!  It feels as though I have gargled with Drano and it keeps trying to come back up.  The reflux causes a great deal of coughing which results in the occasional bouts of vomiting.

Aint pregnancy a pretty picture??

But I am convinced that this is all part of God's perfect design to have a pregnant so bloody miserable by the last month of her pregnancy that she WELCOMES the pains of labour and birth in order to finally put an end to it!  Quite brilliant, really.

Let's just say I am quickly getting over my anxiety about welcoming our fifth child!!

My health is not the only one to discuss at length in this post... Anika has been complaining all week that she is sick and needs to see a doctor.  She was not exhibiting any symptoms (no fever, diarhea, etc...) so I did not feel right taking her in to see someone and say "I don't know... can you just charge us for guessing?"  A few days later, she woke up with her face completely swollen.  I have yet to do research on facial swelling & possible kidney issues but we figured perhaps an allergy to whatever has been blowing in the air lately.  Either that or she was being overly empathetic about MY swelling!

Tuesday morning, the little ones and I ran a bunch of errands only to return late for lunch at which point my father arrived to babysit the kids so I could attend an apt with the OBGYN.  By the time I returned from that, Anika was lethargic on the couch and exhibiting the beginnings of a fever.  The night before, she had woken up twice in the night to pee in a panic (one of which was an accident... very unlike her).  Let's hope it's not another bladder infection!

Well, by supper, her fever was at 104 so we gave her some tylenol in hopes that she would have a better night.  No such luck.  Up again at midnight in a panic about peeing and then once more at 4:00 a.m.  This time, she was alarmingly hot to the touch and her temperature read 106.

Off I went to Children's Hopsital Emergency with my Anika...

Thankfully there was no one else in the waiting room so we only spent about three hours there.  Anika's preliminary urine tests came back positive for every negative thing under the sun including puss and blood.  Off we go with a prescription for antibiotics.

Normally, we let her body rid itself of these on its own, but there are times when it is evident that her body needs the extra help... especially given that a back flow of infected urine to the kidneys could cause permanent damage!

I have since been in touch with her pediatrician to see where that referral for a VCUG & kidney ultrasound is at.  We should have some appointment dates within the next couple of weeks.  So given that this unborn baby has the kidney issue that he/she does, I am beginning to think that we have a structural issue with our Anika, too.

Why can't we give birth to perfectly healthy children anymore??  Is there even such a thing?  Seems like every new mom I talk with has a health issue of some sort with their child.  Are we just that hyper aware now?  Or is something happening to our world, our food, our environment that is costing the well-being of our children?  And if so, what will it finally take for CHANGES to be made??

So Anika has gone nearly two days without eating, with fluctuating fevers and restless nights and the occasional bouts of vomiting.  Last night at a peak of her fever, she looked up at me wearily and said that her sibbling within my womb was opening a gate for her...

She was quite convinced of this!  So finally I just went with it and said, "maybe this baby is opening the gate to HEALING and LIGHT so your body can get all better!"  And she seemed peaceful with that explanation and went back to sleep.

Whether real or not, the idea of a little soul looking out for its sibling really IS beautiful and reassuring... I think I may have to hold on to that one as a gift in the realm of the inexplicable.

There is much, much more to tell (including a house invasion last while Duane was gone working a night shift)... but the time is not right just yet given some additional details to be shared.  Just know that our lives have hit a level of chaos I was not expecting BEFORE the arrival of our baby and that we hope peace will quickly ensue.

Much love to all of you out there and here's hoping that the Lord has embraced you in your own hectic lives and that you are at peace with events that surround you at this time.

Praise item AND prayer request

Two things to address today:

One being that today was our appointment with the allergy specialist. They could not believe how BEAUTIFUL Ethan looks! That's right, his skin is the most clear it has ever been! Granted he had a little flare up when we brought some dairy into the house but two days of discomfort is a far cry from the months of pain the poor kid knew!

He is now over twenty-four pounds and I forget how many inches long... way to go motherhood brain... but at least he is in the fiftieth percentile! :) We tested him for a few more things NONE of which came back positive! Granted, he has only been off his hydroxizine (sp?) or rather, antihistamine for three days (supposed to be five for more accurate allergy results). So beet greens, here we come! And seal oil as a source of omega three!!! FINALLY a non-allergen source of omega-3!! Chia seed also came back negative... I know, I know... you're probably looking at the computer screen going "wha?? beet greens? Chia seed? What the heck is chia seed?" We get the very funny looks when we bring in our own "stuff" for allergy testing. You can tell they are holding back the question: "are you serious?"

But give me all the coo-coo looks ya want... we found a source of omega-3! PRAISE GOD! So there you have it. Ethan is nothing short of a walking miracle... an answer to prayer... YOUR prayers! Ok, OUR prayers! Together we united our heart's intention of healing and LOVE for this little boy, and he is doing the best EVER.

Have I mentioned that he is sleeping through the night????? Cue the hallelujah chorus...

Which leads me to my new prayer request. Last week, we brought yogurt back into our home and Anika has been DELIGHTED to have her beloved dairy again. Duane and I had noticed a significant change in her behaviour last year when we removed dairy and gluten from our diets. She stopped getting bladder infections, any behavioural concerns (which were quite minimal) just about ceased altogether, her BM's were finally normal (and there is the poo entry of the day... wait, that is terrible phrasing... there is the poo COMMENT of the day). We have noticed setbacks with any gatherings where she has had dairy and gluten. It's like a whole other Anika for a few days... not fun.

I figured yogurt would be the least harmful of all dairy products... the stuff is half digested already for crying out loud! A couple of days ago, she started doing the sign for "sick" and she said "mommy, I getting sick." I just comforted her and really didn't do anything about it thinking this was just a comment for the sake of conversation. Then a couple of days ago, she passed something in her stool (yes, I am seriously going there right now... for those with weak stomachs skip to the next paragraph...)

Got ya...

Seriously, skip this paragraph if you've got a weak stomach... Ok, she passed something in her stool that seriously looked like intestinal lining. You know that thin wrapper/lining they have on sausages? )Yes, I will have ruined all future sausage-eating moments for you from now on). Well, it looked like that! I called Duane quite concerned but Anika was not bothered by it and Duane didn't seem to think it was a big deal so I felt like I was overreacting.

Welcome back, those of you who were wise and skipped the previous paragraph and can therefore still enjoy sausage. Yesterday, it was very evident that something was not right with her. Sure enough, by bedtime, she was burning up. She didn't sleep all night and Duane and I had to take two hour shifts of lying down in her bed with her. Her stomach was making the same strange gurgling/churning/twisting sounds they would make when she was on the verge of a bladder infection. She swallows lots of air in those moments for some strange reason which just compounds the issue. She told me her stomach and back were hurting. But by this morning, she seemed much better. Still not herself, but much better. Tonight, she is still waking up crying out loud for me. She is in pain but I don't know WHAT is going on.

Is it the gluten she's had? Could she be celiac? My celiac friends out there, can you describe the pains of an attack? Could it be the dairy? She always behaved very strangely if ever we gave her probiotics... could she have an issue with certain bacteria? Or does she have a structural renal issue? There is some renal health history concerns on Duane's side... should we be looking into this?

Or is it just the flu?

Either way, it sucks. I am going off of four hours of sleep in two days and I have no clue how to fix Anika's health issue because I do not know what it is exactly.

So considering the power of your prayers, if I may be so selfish as to ask that you pray for Anika's body to heal and rectify whatever issue has arisen, that would be fantastic. And if we can be made AWARE of what it is so as to make sure it doesn't happen again, that would also be super duper awesome.

Therefore, praise God for the health that we each know, for the healing we have all experienced, the gift of breath, of rest and of hope. For loved ones who look out for us and wish us well and for the goodness of wholesome living. Here's praying that you all have your fair share of all that good stuff! God bless you.

Thank you, Mommy

Another precious moment that melted my heart and of course, what do I have to do in those moments? Well, share it with you, of course!

At lunch today, I had made some hot beef wraps (with rice tortillas). Mealtimes are hectic with Ethan demanding to be fed more before the spoon has left his mouth while trying to put his foot on the table so he can see me give him the look of "NO WAY mister, no feet on the table!" and while Anika is trying to get my attention saying "I NEED my chocwat miwk, mommy! Chocwat miwk... CHOCWAT MIWK!"

It's usually after I have gotten up five times that I realize I forgot to get utensils, or glasses or Ethan's main course is done and he needs some fresh grapes cut into bite size pieces he won't choke on... Then I'll try to turn to acknowledge something else Anika has been trying to say to me only to hear the sound of Ethan gagging... darn it, I didn't cut that grape small enough!

Sigh

Needless to say, mealtimes are FUN. Today's lunch was no different except that Melina didn't have any school so we had the pleasure of her presence, too. Lunch was late so the kids were extra whiny. Things got more and more delayed as Ethan held on to my leg like some amateur Tarzan which required that I walk like a zombie to and from my cutting board, to the frying pan, back to the counter to make the wraps, etc... slowing things down considerably!

FINALLY, we sat down to eat and thanked God for our food. Anika started eating her wrap and then with her mouth full of food, she said "Mommy? Thank you for making my food."

(Cue the heavenly music) As my heart started melting away while attempting to whisper "you're welcome, my love", Melina quickly whipped me back to reality as she looks at her wrap before biting into it and says "what a suckup!" (Cue sound of scratching record!) Her sly smile my way saved her from getting a wrap whipped at her head! Teenagers!

So I giggle and smirk as I share this motherhood moment with you hoping it sparks memories of your own... perhaps when you were the suckup? Or the one about to get a hot beef wrap whipped at your head. Hee hee hee!

The beauty of wuv, sweet wuv

Just had to share this precious little moment with Anika...

We were sitting at the supper table and she was just gleaming with her happy smile. I turned to her and said "Did you know that mommy and daddy love you soooooooo much?"

Her grin grew even bigger.

"And mommy and daddy love Ethan, and Isabel and Melina, too. AND mommy and daddy love each other! That's lots of love!"

And before I could turn back around and take another bite of my meal, Anika wisely leaned over to me and said "And we wuv you, too, mommy."

Me, butter... Anika, sun... MELTING!

Not only that, but ever since we had to bring Ethan to emergency that one night. Anytime we go to get her from her naps or bedtimes, she exclaims happily, "you came back!"

This morning, she woke up and came to me and said "Mommy, I came back!" I happily replied "You DID come back! Hooray! Where did you go?" And she replied "I came back to my famiwee." Too cute, I tell ya!

And lastly, she has been honing her negotiation skills lately. She has a slight obsession with "chocawat miwk" which is a minute amount of chocolate soy beverage topped up with rice beverage. Several times a day, she has to have it. The rule at supper time is that she only gets one cup so if she drinks it all at once, too bad. On this particular supper meal, she drank her whole cup before eating a single bite of her meal. She put the cup down and said "I NEED chocowat miwk, please." I replied "No, my dear. You already had your one cup and now it's all gone. No more chocolate milk."

She cocked her head to the side and said "Mommy, you want to say 'yes'."

Of course I burst out laughing and said, "No, Anika... I don't think so." And she smiled and said singing sweet voice "Yes, mommy, I think so." Once again, I shook my head and she made one final attempt "How about 'yes', mommy?"

Too smart! Two years old and she can just about negotiate her way out of anything she wants! There is nothing sweeter than our children's "wuv, sweet wuv". :)

Here's hoping you are all surrounded by precious "wuv" not only by those around you but also by our Father's gracious and abundant love for you now and always. God bless!

Anika in good spirits

My mom's presence here these last few days has been such a God-send. I can hardly believe His incredible timing. She is helping to potty train Anika, today, she cooked all my special restrictive meals (such a nice break) and just knowing her set of hands are readily available helps me to relax. Thank you, mom!


I miss my children. Anika in particular has hardly been with me lately. But as you can see from these pictures, we make the most of our little moments together and laugh as much as possible. Thank God for those moments, those "gifts"... grateful reminders that "all is good."

Some cute video clips

Anika the magnet sleuth


Sisterly Love


Anika's jolly monkey feet


Anika & the change pad dilemma

Men!

Ever since we have introduced solid food to Anika’s diet, the routine has been: placing her in her chair, putting on her bib, pulling the highchair up close and then holding her little hand as we say, “Thank you God, for this food. In Jesus’ name… AAaaaaaaamen!”

Every now and again when we are all sitting together and we bow our heads, Duane will lead us in prayer and Anika will wait anxiously to hear Duane say “…in Jesus’ name…” because we all chime in together and say, “AAAAaaaaaamen!” It has been a couple of months now that she joins in but the priceless thing is her little voice yelling “MEN!”

So I chuckle because I think us women can relate to yelling this in exasperation at times… and perhaps more prayerfully than we realize! LOL!

The best part was when I was in a hurry one day and I sat Anika down for her lunch. I scooped a spoonful and started it towards her hungry mouth when she looked at me and said “MEN!” Woops! Even my baby is humbly reminding me to give thanks to God for the abundance and nourishment we know in our lives.

For those who believe adults are the ones to teach children clearly have never had their own!

Imagine That!

Last week, Anika and I were playing with her tea party set and I pretended to pick at some food on my little plate and ate it. “Mmmmm” I said to Anika as she looked at my fingers and then my plate. I did it again and she smiled. I picked at my plate once more and started to bring the imaginary piece of yumminess to Anika’s mouth. To my delight, she opened her mouth, pretended to chew and said “mmmmm”. Next, she picked at her own plate and shared with me!!

It’s so much fun to be witness to someone else discovering pieces of our world, both the tangible and the intangible. It’s one thing when they discover grass or their reflection in the mirror. But it’s a whole other feeling when you witness them discovering thought, memory and make belief. The mind is so powerful… thoughts direct our actions and reactions… I pray that I can nurture Anika’s discovery of this in the most life-giving way. God almighty, give me the wisdom to shed Your light upon my children’s discoveries… that they may see you in all things. Amen.

"I love you forever" moments

Anika was scooting around in her walker this afternoon and found herself mostly near Izzy. I was working in the kitchen and would peak around the corner now and again to make sure she hadn’t pulled all the cd’s down nor the books from the bookshelf and to make sure she wasn’t trying to pull off Izzy’s glasses again. She is always bright eyed and happy to explore her surroundings.

At one point, I heard her saying “hi, hi, hi” and one peek showed she was next to Izzy who was smiling right back at her. I chuckled to myself and continued working. Several minutes passed and I hadn’t heard Anika’s walker squeaking around so I checked yet again.

My heart caught in my throat…

There was Anika next to Isabel, the two of them watching Izzy’s movie… and they were holding hands! Several minutes passed and I had to fight back the tears. It felt like the most sacred little moment between two sisters who could not speak and yet seemed to understand each other in their silence.

It was breathtakingly beautiful and I will never forget that image.

The rest of the day was busy and while Mina was watching Anika, she yelled out “Mom! She’s crawling!” Sure enough, our baby girl could shuffle a few steps on her own.

To top it off, last week she started saying “ma-ma-ma-ma”. I tell you, with every monthly birthday, she suddenly reaches several hurdles seemingly overnight! She is incredibly bright… such as her problem solving skills with the fridge magnets!

In hopes of keeping her somewhat occupied (and not ruffling thru the garbage again) I placed some animal fridge magnets within her reach. Luckily they are difficult to grasp and therefore believed to remain on the fridge and not in Anika’s mouth (which is where everything else goes!). Would you believe the little stinker slid them down and over to the edge of the fridge with enough force that they stuck a little off the side… just enough for her fingers to grab hold and… you guessed it… place in her mouth. She’s nearly destroyed all of them!

That does it, I am no longer going to take Cod Liver Oil to feed her developing brain! She’s too smart already!! Pray for guidance (and patience) that I may guide these gifts and talents appropriately. I don’t ever want to “snuff out” the light of her gifts because they mean more work for me. I want to embrace this as she grows and becomes the brilliant woman I know she will be one day. Oh my baby darling Anika… where does the time go?

The whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

Yet another few milestones have come and gone over the course of these past nearly two months and among them is the little bottom tooth Anika now has in her mouth as of today. She has not been irritable nor has she had a fever but I did notice some redness in the diaper area, which is very uncommon for her. Let’s hope the remaining teeth come in as effortlessly! Or perhaps it will be a whole other tune…

The other day I was playing guitar for her as she was sitting on the floor (yes, all by herself). I started strumming a groovy beat and to my delight, she starting bobbing up and down to it! I nearly bust a gut laughing so hard. If only crawling could be as much of a laughing matter.

Anika can manoeuvre herself around on her tummy with surprising agility. Already she can locate folded laundry, video tapes and small pieces of lint. Changing her diaper is becoming an athletic challenge for both Anika AND mom!

Rather than get up on her knees when she wants to move forward, she pushes up into a pushup position and pushes herself forward on her big toes! It doesn’t look at all comfortable. She is getting irritated with the lack of control over her own mobility. When she’s in my arms, she’s leaning forward or to the left attempting to grab something. When she’s down, she wants up and when she’s up she wants sideways and when she’s sideways she wants down… mind you, I suppose she is female… hee hee hee!

I now get the occasional hug and more recently, lovely kisses. When she’s ready for bed and I am rocking her in my arms for a moment, she now rests her head on my shoulder for a momentary cuddle. I LOVE it!!! And sometimes when she has just woken up from a nap and there are new people in the house, she will lean her head against my shoulder and give them a sideways bashful look. LOL! I remember with Mélina, this was the ONLY time she would cuddle up to me so I would deliberately seek out people she didn’t know in order to get SOME cuddles!

Bath time is still a favourite. I suppose I’ll have to get some bath toys soon rather than just the face clothe. I used to tell her to kick-kick-kick her feet or to splash-splash-splash her hands, even when she was teeny tiny. This is now beginning to backfire as her kicks are becoming strong and her splashes somewhat disastrous. Oh well, I suppose it’s just water, right?

The farm animals continue to fascinate her. She can be a busy body in the house but the minute we go outside, she is silent and watches intently everything around her. She is so peaceful outside and truly seems within her element. I suppose this is Duane’s genetics kicking in because he’d be happy living, eating and sleeping outdoors. Luckily we don’t get into any arguments or I’d be the one to sleep outside… otherwise he would enjoy it too much! LOL!!

She can still spot her papa from a mile away or hear his voice (I suppose we all can!). She watches him on the tractor or working on the combine. I think she will be his helper some day. She delights in the time she gets to spend with her dad. Anika’s busy fingers often end up filthy from grabbing her papa’s dinner plate or food he is trying to eat.

Breast milk is still her only source of food at this time although Anika would eat anything if we let her. She stares down our food as though she’d never been fed in her life! I nurse every two hours and pump once in the night to give her an additional feeding. We weighed her yesterday and she is a whopping 18.0 lbs.

Oh yes, another cute thing she has started doing is crinkling her nose and breathing in and out super fast. It is hilarious!



Her big sisters continue to be the source of her laughter and joy. Anything and everything Melina does gets her giggling. Sure enough, if I imitate, Anika simply stares blankly at me. Mina is beginning to assume she is the favourite. Either way, Anika misses her sisters when they are at their dad's. Pictures of them leave her reaching out towards them. I don't know how these little ones know, but they just seem to have this innate bond with siblings.

I sat her next to Isabel one morning and she looked up at her big sister who was sitting propped up on the couch. I was thinking “how cute” when with lightning flash speed, Anika grabbed Isabel’s glasses and yanked them right off her face! Isabel was patient and didn’t complain but I decided to separate them a little bit.

A funny sight is when I’m driving the van with Anika behind my driver’s seat and Isabel in her specialized motor seat next to her. Oftentimes, Isabel will start to cry or whine and Anika whips her head and watches Isabel as she cries. Eventually, the tables turn and Anika starts crying then Isabel turns her head and watches Anika cry! The worst is when they both feel compelled to cry simultaneously. That’s when I feel I belong in some Aspirin commercial.

Speaking of being out and about, Anika has decided that the minute we step out for an excursion, she must poop herself silly. Not just a full diaper… we’re talking spilling out the top and edges “full”. Oh yeah. It has become so consistent that I now pack two sets of pants and the minute I arrive at our destination, I get her changed because by then, the deed has been done… guaranteed. This past week, she did this the moment we arrived at the mall and then again when we arrived at Children’s Rehabilitation Centre for Isabel’s appointment. I drove two minutes to get the mail once, and she managed to pull this off even in that time frame! Apparently field trips are “moving” experiences for her.

Vocabulary still consists of baa-baa-baa and da-da-da but she is attempting some new sounds that I have no clue how to attempt typing them phonetically. She’s catching on to sign language and recognizes several signs such as milk, chicken, dog, cat, more, bath, all done, and book.

Everyday is a new day filled with new discoveries and accomplishments. My hands are becoming fuller as she becomes more demanding but my heart fills as she grows more and more into who she is meant to be. It is so much fun getting to know Anika Joy!

Anika 6 months old!

Anika’s wedding was beautiful this weekend and next week, she and her husband are flying off to New Zealand to startup a new organic farm of wild buffalo… Well, with time flying as quickly as it has these past six months, it feels like it won’t be long before I’m sending out that very message. Ok, maybe it will be wild goats instead. J

Can you imagine if we learned new things and grew as much as our little ones do their first six months? From being helplessly tiny, grey-eyed and sleepy to rolling around, giggling, grabbing everything in sight, fighting naptimes, and discovering tantrums, and doubling in size. Hmmm, maybe this isn’t so different from adulthood.

These last couple of months, Anika has delighted in discovering her world. Two days ago she rolled over from her back unto her tummy for the first time and just like every other milestone to-date, she suddenly decides to try it once and is suddenly a pro. You can’t push her, though. Only when she’s good and ready. She is quite pleased with herself and kicks away in delight.

Her feet… she’s a little monkey in disguise! Never have I seen a child so expressive with their feet. Forget sign language, I can tell her mood by the way she moves and dances her little twinkle feet around. Jumping in the jolly jumper has provided hours of entertainment, and Anika seems to enjoy it, too! Seriously, I don’t know of a funnier sight than a little mini-person strapped in a contraption (which makes them look like they’re
parachuting) discovering freedom in bouncing around like an Easter bunny on catnip! It didn’t take her long to discover how to turn 180 degrees in mid-air, how to stop suddenly with poise or to leap at heights which challenge even the sturdiest spring. Attempting to take her out of it is just as amusing because as you lift the contraption off the ground to lie her down and take her out, she figures that if she tries to bounce furiously in the air, her feet might find some form of leverage. At least she gradually relaxed enough to ease the death grip she would get on the strings at either side of her head (this is what gave the impression she was parachuting). Those are some mighty hands she’s got!

Hair… not only is hers growing blonder and blonder but she has discovered the tiny hairs on the back of one’s neck and the funny sounds mommy can make when she pulls on them very hard. This is a classic Anika greeting: smile and pick her up, her little innocent hands outstretched to touch your face then suddenly they are around your neck as she attempts to take you down with some baby wrestling move! Not only can those little hands grab anything and everything in sight but she is learning basic sign language. "Milk" is a hand opening and closing as though milking a cow and lately she has finally figured this out. Her idea of yelling at me was putting her hand in my face while doing the milk sign in very quick succession. I was impressed. Tiny, cute fingers can also pinch. Tante Linda was left with a few greeting marks on her neck from holding Anika. We have yet to discover the sign for "GENTLE!"

Tonight, we brought in a litter of 3 week old kittens for her to explore. I sat her on the floor in front of me as her busy little hands reached every which way towards all five kittens. One shrieked and I quickly rescued it from her death grip while another was being lifted by its tail. Perhaps exploring farm animals will have to wait a while yet.

She LOVES the goats and the goats love her! All three kids come right up to her and her hands reach out (gently) and they sniff her as she giggles. This is right about the same time I discover one is nibbling on my pants!
Chickens are a creature of intrigue for Anika. She understands when I point to look in that direction so when we go walking by the chicken pen, I point out the free-ranging chickens and she spots each one. I make the "buck buck buck" sound and sign for chicken and she keeps staring at them with those permanently stunned blue eyes. The outdoors is by far her favourite place to be.

Vocabulary has expanded from opera singing to actual sounds like Ba-ba-ba-ba and now her favourite word "Da-da-da-da". Tonight she actually said "dad" a few times. Perhaps she thinks this is funny because it is immediately followed by mama saying "no, no, no Anika… say Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma." I can hear when she wakes up because she whispers "da-da-da-da".

She is definitely daddy’s little girl. Regardless of how long she’s been napping, she somehow knows when Duane has come into the house because she wakes up! Either that or he’s always too loud. J Perhaps a combination of the two. We call him "papa" and it’s become habit that when I call out to him for something, it isn’t "Duane!" or "Honey!" it is now "Papa!" Anika has recognized this and understands my calling out to him usually means he appears a few moments later so if I’m nursing her and call out to Duane, she whips her head around (owwww) to look for Papa. And when she spots him, her little feet start kicking.

We have introduced bananas and egg yolks this week… her first non-mommy food. And she LOVES it! Her appetite has grown considerably these last couple of weeks. I can barely keep up milk-production-wise. Sometimes she gets impatient with this and will smack my chest as she’s nursing! I don’t know if she figures this will stimulate more flow or if this is her made up sign for "hurry up, mom!" Either way, I’m not too keen on it. At least she doesn’t have any teeth yet!

She is certainly a busy body and refuses to be "trapped" on the floor or in her exersaucer. She wants to be held and walking around. Forget cuddling, she wants to be busy exploring. Sometimes I feel like her horse and buggy. She can’t quite sit on her own yet but no doubt we’re only days away from her deciding she wants to do it and will.
Mélina continues to be the best big sister anyone could ask for. She makes Anika giggle effortlessly. When the girls spend the week at their dad's, I often sit at the computer and show Anika pictures of Mina and Izzy. She stares in amazement. And whenever I bring her to see Isabel, she always reaches out her little hand and Izzy responds by putting hers out, too. The two stare at each other and when one smiles, the other follows immediately. It warms my heart!

We continue to delight in our precious daughter and thank God for every moment we have with her. We celebrated with loved ones her Baby Dedication back in June and we realize how incredibly blessed we are to have all of you in our lives as we stumble our way through parenthood. It is a humbling process and one that leaves us so vulnerable in our desire to raise our precious children in God’s light and love for His children. I could not imagine tackling life without knowing we had each of you at our side along the way. You are precious and dear to us.

Thank you for this and so much more.

Anika 4 months old!

My, my, my... Yet another month comes and goes! Anika turned 4 months old a week ago today. It seems that with Anika, as soon as she hovers around another anniversary date, she seems to awake that morning with new skills pulled out of thin air.
A couple of days before her 4 mth anniversary, she lifted her feet and rather than just move them around, she deliberatly reached out and grabbed one foot. Suddenly the next morning, she has become a pro at this! Both feet now come up with both hands pulling them and she leans over to one side then back to the middle. A couple of days after that, she decided to attempt new sound waves with her voice.
Her usual deep and loud coos have, on occasion, become high pitched singing as though she were a dainty little songbird. Quite funny considering her size and strength. She nearly tears her entire floor gym off the floor when she grabs it as I pick her up.
Her hair continues to amaze us. No matter how long it grows, her little alfalfa tuft near the back grows higher and higher although these last few days, she is developing a curl to it. Now it reminds me of a peacock tail!
Her favourite blanket is the colourful quilt that Grandma Vaags made for her. She has been insisting on pulling it over her head when it's naptime and waits patiently for me to play peekaboo when she awakes from her nap. I giggle every time! Especially when she is moving around under the blanket still pulled over her face until she hears that I've entered the room... Then she goes still and it's like she holds her breath in anticipation of the "Peek-a-boo, Anika!" I am then greeted with a huge smile, a few excited kicks and her amused giggle.
Ah... The sound of her giggles... Truly a gift from God himself! Is there any better sound in this world that that of your children laughing? It's wonderful when she is in one of her moods where you just have to say a funny word like "pikatee-KA" and she giggles. And giggling is effortless when Mina is around!
When big sister Mina is around, she can't take her eyes off her. There is sheer delight between those two. And when sitting or lying next to big sister, Izzy, Anika always reaches out a hand to touch Izzy's face or her hand. It is beautiful what those two seem to share in a world without language as we seem to know it. The way they look into each other's eyes nearly brings tears to my own. Sometimes they've stared at eachother for as long as two minutes without wavering. Then Izzy smiles, sings her little coo, looks up at me, looks back at Anika to smile once more and resumes watching her movie. Truly special.
Here are some pics including pic# Anika016 where she has found her papa and beamed her smile of love at him; pic# Anika007 where she'd fallen asleep playing with her toy and slept an hour and a half still holding it in her hand and a few others that warmed my heart.
Mable, the baby goat, is now half the size of her mom yet still insists on jumping onto poor Molly's back. Duane has got milking Molly down to an art but my first attempt yesterday proved rather disastrous. Perhaps it's from sheer sympathy... I cannot pull on her without cringing. After all, I am now dealing with a daughter who sometimes pulls away from her feedings in rather unnatural and painful ways! Wish me luck in mastering the art of milking a dwarf goat. If Duane's massive hands can milk her (despite looking like he's milking a cat) then I should be able to learn this, too! Our regular sized Toggenburg goat should be kidding any day now. (I am resisting the urge to say "just kidding"). :)
We love our life, we love our family, we love our journey of faith and thank God almighty for the gifts each day presents us with!
May your lives be richly blessed in knowing you are in our prayers.

3 months fly by!

Well, it was this time last year that little Anika Joy's presence would change our lives. Who knew how much could happen in the course of one year??? Her presence continues to fill our hearts with gratitude. We are so blessed!
This home now knows the sound of her laughter and my morning just isn't a good morning until I've walked into her room to be greeted by her patient little self looking up at me with a big smile. I forgot how much you fall in love! I am finding myself reminiscing to when Mélina and Isabel were babies... And now Isabel is turning eight next month and Mina will be twelve this June.
I remember Mina climbing those huge steps to that school bus the very first day of kindergarden and the fear she felt arriving at school to have a teacher ask her what her last name was. "I can't remember, but there's two of them" was all she could say. I remember how much she loved "shusies"
(Shreddies) and her beloved "gwapes" (grapes). And who could forget that priceless frown and her determined "I DO, I DO". I remember the "mommy, can you play with me" and the countless times I said "maybe later" and now she is talking about boys and shopping and my presence isn't as wanted as it once was. The time flies by so quickly despite your deepest desire to make those moments last just a little bit longer.
And Isabel has grown so much in length that carrying her has become quite awkward. Those little feet I used to massage are now big and her little singing voice is much deeper. My little girls are growing so fast.
So I found myself rocking Anika to sleep tonight and praying fervently that I not take a moment for granted. I think of mothers who strive alone to raise their little ones and little ones who have no mothers at all. My arms do not know the feeling of emptiness because God has graced me with my beautiful children. If I could share that joy with all the people of the earth, I would. Perhaps that is my attempt in this letter?
More than anything, I pray for your lives as though I held you in that rocking chair tonight, too. You have visited my prayers no differently than had you been in my arms and I, too, pleaded with the Lord that I not take you for granted. And so with this "update" I hope you are all doing well and living life to its fullest, grasping your own memories in hopes of making them last a lifetime. How precious "time" can be and how magical is its capacity to store an infinte source of memories.
God bless you all on this journey we call "life".

Anika Joy - 8 weeks old!

Can you believe eight weeks have already come and gone??? It’s official… I am excluded from this “time” concept because it keeps happening without my realizing it.

And what of our darling Anika Joy, you wonder? She has been smiling since a couple of weeks after birth but now she is abundant with those priceless, toothless grins. It begins with her eyes twinkling followed by her beautiful smile. Her eyes are such a brilliant blue bursting from the pupil… sometimes you think you’re looking at a galaxy. Her awareness continues to amaze me. She is interested in everything happening around her. Paintings are among her favourite things to look at. When we are at Tante Diane and Uncle Richard’s house, we have to walk around and look at all the paintings.

She weighed in at 12 lbs 8 oz last Wednesday… a considerable weight gain! Our midwife kept saying “she is such a big girl!”

Anika seldom cries. In fact, instead of getting upset, she just gives short yells. We’ve been blessed with a few solid nights of sleep (from 9:00 pm to 6:00 am) but she still occasionally wakes for a middle of the night feeding. Again, she just gives a couple of little shouts to let me know it’s feeding time… quickly followed by a big grin when she sees me.

She has been batting at her toys for weeks now and she reminds me of a boxer when she swats at her toys! She even gets the rhythm of the toy bouncing back!!! It’s hilarious. She’s discovered her voice and we’re on the verge of hearing her laugh for the first time. Right now, it still sounds like a painful cough… but I know it’s coming soon!

She seldom accepts being held in a lying position – only if it’s almost bedtime. Instead, she wants to be held upright where she can look around at everything and everyone.

My heart can barely contain the joy at times and I find myself bursting out in laughter at her incredible cuteness.

Her presence is such a blessing and I thank God for the miracle of Anika Joy.

Take care, all of you!

Welcome Anika Joy!

Here is our darling little girl born January 18th at 7:52 a.m. weighing 8 lbs 9 oz and measuring 20.5 inches in length. Quite a miracle in every sense of the word…

After having mild contractions every 10-15 minutes from 2:00 pm onwards, my water finally broke at 11:15 pm. We arrived at the hospital near midnight and I was “a good 3-4 cm’s dilated”. After eight hours of labour, they checked again to discover I was only a full 4 cm’s dilated. The lack of progress was so discouraging and then what I feared most… my midwife looked at me and said, “We can’t make this a marathon, not with your water broken and risk of uterine rupture. We’re going to have to do a C-section.”

My greatest fear but at this point I just wanted the baby to be safe in my arms but the memories of the harsh recuperation after my C-section with Isabel left me in tears. I could sense Duane’s heart wrenching desire to spare this next step… and so we prayed. We surrendered and we prayed.

By the grace of God, the anesthesiologist could not come and start my epidural because the hospital was in the middle of their morning rounds. Suddenly, contraction upon contraction began happening and the pain so intense I could barely breathe through them! I could feel the baby being pulled down but dared not say a word in hopes that God would work a miracle before they whipped us off for a C-section.

30 minutes after the dreaded news, I asked my midwife to check again and to her dismay she announced I was 8 cms and ready to have this baby!!!! Within fifteen minutes, Anika Joy was born and her beautiful eyes so alert and her calm demeanor so welcoming.

She nursed beautifully and barely made a peep throughout examinations and pokes. She is perfectly and gloriously made!

Thank you for all of your prayers. The nurses in that room admitted what happened in that delivery room was nothing short of a miracle!