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Saturday, 25 June 2011

To Pee or Not to Pee

Apparently this is the question Ethan's bladder does not always let his conscious mind in on!

Ah yes, you guessed it... Potty Training.

As if my days were not filled enough with household tasks, custom meals, chauffeuring, etc... we now have to add a ridiculous amount of time spent sitting on a bathroom floor coaxing my two year old son to let all the "pee pee and poo poo" out into the cool red potty.

Cue tangent #1
I remember dreaming of the day I would be a mom.  You know, cute babies cooing happily, onlookers smiling at the sight of your darling little angels, patty-cake and first steps, etc...  Yeah, no one EVER warned me that my life would completely revolve around other people's bodily functions!  And that I would barely have time for my own!!


Between changing Isabel's diapers, cleaning up Ethan's accidents, getting wacked in the back of the leg by Sivana in her walker signing "DIAPER" because she's pooped... again... yelling at Anika to sit on the toilet because she's doing the pee-pee dance... again... as I step into a "puddle" Ethan did not yet tell me about.  In this blasted heat, I go to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and wipe my face thoroughly on the hand towel lying next to the sink only to hear Anika yell "ETHAN POOPED ON THE FLOOR!"

Okay, in all fairness, Ethan has only pooped on the floor about five times thus far into two weeks of potty training but it sure feels like more!

Hose down Ethan and his new Thomas the Tank Engine underwear, wash his hands that were too curious to pass up feeling what was sticky on his bum... sigh... (and if I wasn't so tired, I would even say EWWW!!!) go back to the kitchen where I have been trying to get lunch made for the last hour... wash my hands AGAIN... only to hear the water running in the bathroom.

There is my son dumping his pee-filled potty in the sink and wiping it with the hand towel!!  GULP... the one I had been wiping my face with ALL DAY!  How many times has he done THAT???

Okay, now I am NOT too tired to exclaim EWWWW GROSS!!!!

It's at the point now where going out in public visiting with other adults feels... well... like something is missing!  I have to squelch the instinct to ask if I can double check to see if they've wiped their bums properly and did they wash their hands?  Did they pull their pants all the way to the floor to make sure they did not pee on it?  Or clap my hands excitedly when someone walks out of the bathroom and say "YEAY!!!  WHAT A BIG KID!!!"  Or look at my watch and say "Hey Mr. ______, it's been two hours since your last potty break.  Do you need to do a pee?"

Maybe there's a reason us parents are house-bound when the kids are little!  We'd risk acquiring restraining orders otherwise!!

Melina is having a birthday party as I type this... ten sixteen year old girls... on the brink of realizing that other people's opinions do NOT have power over them... but still blushing at moments that could/should be embarrassing.  My younger children do not clue in on social awkwardness (heck, neither do I!) so much to these girls' horror, Ethan was just sitting on his potty with me holding a book in front of him while Anika was on the big white toilet next to him, both of them grunting up a storm... bathroom door wide open as the girls are needing to use the sink to wash off the makeovers they'd been doing.

I cannot help but laugh.  "Sorry for the grunt fest over here, ladies."  Their nervous giggles make me laugh even more!  But it's Ethan exclaiming "Mommy, (GRUNT) I think my poop is still shy!" that has the girls scurrying awfully quick out of the bathroom.
Lastly, there was the time when Duane and I finally stole a moment of just sitting together before being swept away by our hectic lives.  It had been a day of split kiddie tasks - he was responsible for Isabel and I looked after the three little ones.  The day presented this precious, precious moment of just breathing together.  To make it even sweeter, Duane started to caress my face gently as I closed my eyes soaking up every glorious sensation and act of gentleness.  Around my eyes, down on my chin, along my cheek and my upper lip... sniff... along my cheek again.... without opening my eyes, I felt the moment slip away from me all too quickly as I asked him slowly... "did Isabel have a poopy diaper?"  Still loving with the moment, he continued to caress my face as he answered "Yes."  "Duane, did you wash your hands?"  His caressing fingers froze right over my upper lip... "Yes."  Which is a testament to the potency of Isabel's... aroma... and the fact that despite our raw hands from constant washings, not even a tiny moment of togetherness can occur without an interruption of pee or poo.

Ah sweet dignity!  By any other name would it still smell this NOT-so-sweet???

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