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Wednesday, 5 December 2001

Desperate for prayers

My beloved family and friends,

It is with a heavy heart and circles under my eyes that I write to you. Tonight has been a long night and only now have we come home to a quiet house. A house much too quiet for me to bear.

Isabel was brought into Children's Emergency today. I'd been feeling concerned about her increasing intolerance for her feedings and the growing irritability around it. The last few days, we've not managed to keep anything in her. I have felt frustrated, angry, and so incredibly afraid. So, off to the pediatrician we went...

James met me and the girls at the Dr.'s office at 5:00pm because I had to work at 6:15 and would need to be dropped off immediately after the appointment. However, plans changed when the doctor said the following: "My professional and medical advice is that Isabel is seriously dehydrated and needs immediate medical intervention through IV. Now, it would also be alright if you chose not to have medical intervention. Do you understand me? No more needles, no more drugs. But know that she might not make it til morning without an IV. It is your choice."

Well folks, there is nothing in life to prepare any mother or father with the decision of letting your child die or do everything in your power to keep them here.

I looked at her. She'd been crying for nearly forty eight hours straight with few naps in between. But she was here with me. She was still here and she was still my little Isabel and I don't care about the sleepless nights and the crying spells of just being tired of it all! I don't care about the permanent stains in the carpet from her throwing up her feedings all the time. I don't care about the pains in my back from carrying her around! These are nothing and mean nothing as long as I still have Isabel.

To look at her and imagine her gone was too unbearable and the tears wouldn't stop. My baby! I may have had my moments of wishing it could all just end, but my God, when presented with the actual scenario, it is the last thing you can bear to think of. So, without delay, we brought her to emergency.

Her heart was beating very rapidly. They took blood, inserted an IV, took a urine sample and finally after four hours of questions and tests, they brought her up to a room and let her sleep.

So my friends, my family, I need you now and the glorious support of prayer. For my little Isabel is weak and my heart breaks sitting here while she sleeps in a quiet room on the fifth floor of Children's hospital. But I will think of her little face and the moonlight shining down on her and hope that the moon will sing her lullabies while I am away. And knowing that your prayers will blanket her and protect her, will keep me strong and grateful.

She will be there for at least forty eight hours. So let us count the minutes until this house is loud with Isabel noises, whether pleasant or annoying! Because at least it will mean she is here. Thank you and God bless you all for being my strength. Our world is so blessed for having your support and never does a day go by where I do not give thanks for it.

And may the moon shine down on you as I send this all to you. Good night.

P.S. I just want to give thanks to Linda and Moe for having taken care of our worried Melina during this unexpected time. She was scared and sad, but Grandma's love kept her safe. Thank you so much, Linda and Moe. Thank you for loving our special Melina!

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