Today I have been given the most beautiful gift... Peace.
After what has felt like several weeks of angst, uncertainty, fear, panic and weakness, today I have received glorious answer to my prayers. It began yesterday when I made a decision. This baby has his/her purpose outside of any efforts on my part, and this baby seems to have chosen his/her position for birth. Enough trying everything in MY power to change it.
So I have stopped lying on slopes for thirty minutes a day... I've stopped the pulsatilla and the mugwort... I've stopped walking on all fours (although my kitchen floor is finally clean!), I've stopped the acupuncture and hypnotherapy... well, the hypnotherapy is actually a great "fall asleep" track and seems to work better on Duane than it does me! If he had a breech baby, that baby would have turned for sure! Now we use it for the great sleep it induces. I've refused the external Version and am finally, finally surrendering this completely to God.
Because at the end of the day, whatever the outcome, I want the glory to belong to God... not a doctor, not a hypnobaby track, and not me.
He has answered my prayers today. I have been begging Him to "be" with me... to dissipate my fears and increase my faith in His Will. I have asked that the wavering faith stop and that I be left with a steadfast peace. And He has DELIVERED (all pun intended!).
So today, I have a huge smile on my face. I feel like I could go into this with a laugh, even! Even if it means facing my most feared outcome... I am cloaked in peace today as though nothing could touch what already feels like a victory! If that is not God "being" with me, than what is?
Perhaps this peace means that this baby's arrival is imminent, or perhaps He is giving me a glimpse of the victory that is already His. Either way, today is my gift from Him... It feels Holy and Alive.... is it truly my "present" moment.
Thank you for sharing it with me and for your prayers that have guided me to this very place. If love could pour forth literally like a river from my soul to yours, it would be abundant right now. And you would be flooded with my gratitude and love! My brothers, my sisters... I am finally ready.