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Saturday, 8 August 2009

Appears better today

Ethan is in better spirits this morning and seems to be feeling better. I am grateful that yesterday's events are in the past and have not trickled into today. The reality is that we will likely go through something like this again but Duane pointed out last night that God granted us a "dry run" to know what to expect and how to do things should we ever be in a more serious situation.

I would just sooner not have to know any of this stuff and watch my son eat whatever he pleases and never think twice about whether or not I washed the floor enough or the counters or my hands. I feel like I am getting short of asking to hose people down before they come into our house!

Will that ever subside and ease up? What happened to non-challant, easy-going Rita?

But when your children's lives are at stake, the mother bear within is roaring with an iron will to shred to pieces ANYTHING that threatens your kids' well being. How do you protect your children from food? From their environment?

What are we up against? How do we protect him? How do we strengthen him?

Just a window into my thoughts this morning as I watch myself become a person I never thought I would be... suspicious, nonsensical and unyielding. Anyone want to invite me to their parties? Hee hee hee... sigh.

I guess I am afraid that if I am not ALWAYS on guard, something bad will happen... like yesterday. I still struggle with surrendering Ethan's life into God's hands, which is so not-smart because He would do a far better job of caring for him than I ever could. So much work to do in my heart and I feel like I am going backwards instead of forwards.

Maybe with time this, too, shall pass. Only time... and life-surrendering prayer.

1 comment:

Cindy said...

I am so glad he is doing better. In truth I have experience anaphalaxis, and it is no laughing matter. So I can appreciate why you felt so distraught, and why you are concerned.

You are doing everything that you can. My allergy specialist told me that allergies can change. So in time his may improve. So that's a good thing.

The thing that is hard is that you can become allergic to things you initially didn't have a reaction to with continued exposure to it. So it's a balancing act for sure. It's definitely not easy.

Considering all of the difficulty you guys have gone through I think you're handling it wonderfully. I will keep you in my prayers, and will hope that his allergies will improve soon.
Your cousin,