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Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Mr. Lead Foot

Much to my husband's chagrin, I am now going to post a little rant on my frustration with his LEAD FOOT! Since we have gotten married, my darling husband (who was ALWAYS early for everything... until he met me) has accumulated approximately ten traffic infraction tickets.

Yes, you read that correctly... five or more (I have stopped counting).

Being the humble-hearted person that he is, he blames me for each of them despite the fact that I was in the vehicle for only two of them (one of them being MOTHER'S DAY...sigh). Nice try, hon!

Now you need to know something about Duane: I can count on one finger the amount of times he has gotten outwardly excitable/upset. Duane is steady like the sun. Nothing gets him worked up... except when I try to talk to him about his new expensive hobby of collecting traffic tickets.

And if I could just keep my mouth shut trusting that his ego is bruised enough with each new infraction that gets mailed in, I am sure that he would maintain his cool and calm composure. But being the extrovert that I am, I need to "express" my frustration at the fact that we actually have to BUDGET for this new-found hobby of his.

Poor Duane. He came home a few months ago looking sheepish and finally admitted that he had been pulled over for a rather LARGE speeding ticket (I seriously did not know they could legally charge us that much for a stupid ticket!). I think my husband was attempting lift-off with the speed he was going! And of course, there just had to be a lovely cop waiting like a bird of prey to scoop down and kill any potential flight with the harsh reality of LEGALITIES!

Duane insisted he would take care of it and I (being not at all a poker-faced person) clearly indicated my "okay..." to this statement with a flawed attempt at a trusting smile.

Here is a tangent for you... why o why does our lovely legal system require that we pay these traffic infractions between two specific dates that occur nearly two months down the road?? Are they plotting to have the guilty person forget to pay and incur an additional handsome fee? Will they eventually collect our children and demand ransom, too? SHEESH!!!

As the date approached, I kept reminding Duane, who of course gritted his teeth and sternly said "I SAID I would take care of it. Do you not trust me or something?"

Um... NO!

But being the lovely wife that I am, I grinned and said "okay, hon."

And now the reason for the rant: the magical window of payment opportunity has come and gone so I simply asked Duane how making the payment went. He was quiet for a moment and then admitted he had to pay via credit card (which is an additional nominal fee, I might add) because he waited to the last minute.

And being the lovely wife that I am, I growled at him and said "SEE??? That's why I didn't trust you!" Ok, not my finest moment as a lovely wife but now do you see why I am rightly a control freak? I get things done! I meet deadlines! I make charts of my own monthly cycle for crying out loud! Wanna see our budget spreadsheet? I have scanned copies of our receipts and matching serial numbers for all items in our house! I can't be on time for anything for the life of me, but I can sure micro-manage the crap out of anything!

Yes, I need help, but that is not what we are talking about here. This is all about the fact that I was right... and Duane was wrong.

Hee hee hee... now I strongly recommend everyone step aside as I get struck by lightning!!! And why this rant now, you ask? Because I am starring down at the mail we just picked up and there in the little familiar envelope I have come to dread is yet another speeding ticket for Mr.Lead Foot himself. I am just waiting for a personally signed Christmas card from the Minister of Finance thanking us for putting thirty Canadians through college.

So here's hoping you are all safe and abiding in your local speeding limits and if you see someone zipping by at irrational speeds, smile and wave because chances are, it's my husband, Duane! Hee hee hee... and cue the lighting rod! God bless you!


Anonymous said...

Sometimes it makes me feel better to say things out loud too. Hugs, and love to you and yours,
From your cousin,

Maureen said...

You're not alone, Rita, and unlike in your house, for Paul and I, we rack them up together! Ours are usually the camera kind, so slightly less than getting stopped by a cop, but still painful. Paul, who CAN get upset, especially about expenses, is unusually calm and nonchalant about these things. "Oh, well, too late to do anything about it now." I, on the other hand, kick myself for days.

I don't get the time window thing...ours usually only have a deadline date, and I mail the payment in with a postdated cheque for that deadline date. I admit, I do send in Paul's payments, too, or they wouldn't get paid!

Don't be too hard on my little brother, his life has done a 180 in three short years, it may take him a bit to get his driving to match his demeanor.

Anonymous said...

Only you can make me laugh THIS hard. I just love your writing! Everything about it!

And poor Duane.... he just has so much on his plate. When Ryan forgets to do things that I remind him of TOO often, then it just reminds me thank him for the WAY TOO MANY things that he does everyday and with a smile on his face.
Some men are truely amazing. We have so much to be thankful for.

I miss you and think of you often!
Merry Christmas Rita and family:)


Rita Vaags said...

The sheer irony is that later that same day I posted this entry, Duane went to pick up Isabel from school. When he wasn't showing up back home I called to see what the holdup was... he confessed that after he buckled Isabel into her special seat, his cell phone rang and he shut the door before realizing he left the keys on the seat... LOCKED. Thankfully, Isabel stayed warm and content in the van while Duane got a hold of Dr.Hook who let him into the van... $50 later! Always an adventure in this house, I tell ya!