Soy bad of me!

I think I officially win "worst-mom-of-the-year" award...

In our attempts to find delicious (or even remotely eatable) food on this restrictive diet, we had come across a soy ice cream product called Purely Decadent. It is free of dairy and tastes better than regular ice cream. VERY expensive but soooo yummy.

We had just bought a bunch of tubs for the month when Ethan's results came back showing he was allergic to soy. Crap. All this soy-cream just sitting there...

I was doing fine until yesterday. I figured "surely just a few bites won't be THAT bad?"

Well, Ethan cried most of the night, nursing every two hours or so, has had a rough day, been unable to sleep for more than forty minutes at a time, is clearly itchy and has red spots showing up all over his body.

"And the award goes to RITA for making a selfish indulgence more important than the 24 hours of pain & discomfort her son would have to endure."

Speaking of which, he is now screaming upstairs... I have a feeling tonight is going to be no fun, either. Wish me luck, or better yet, wish me some self-discipline for my son's sake! If anyone wants to join me at my pity-party, be sure to eat all the soy-cream so as to remove the temptation.

This actually reminds me of sin... we figure "just this one time" or "surely this isn't that big a deal" knowing that the only one who will feel the consequences of our actions is Christ. I can't stand knowing my sin put him up on that cross but worst yet is knowing that His suffering isn't enough for me to STOP giving Him reason to take on my sin. (In case you're wondering, Ethan seems to have gone back to sleep so don't worry... I am not typing to my heart's content while he's screaming).

Even this past Easter was an eye-opener for me. I can barely keep it together when I watch Ethan writhing in pain. The worst was when he looked like a burn victim and his suffering was so surreal. I could NOT imagine loving ANYONE enough to willingly watch my son suffer on their behalf. Can you imagine HOW MUCH HE MUST LOVE US? Can you fathom the intense pain He must have endured... for us? I can't help the tears when I think of it because here I am limited in my ability to love others to that extent.

Oh but I pray that I grow in this area. I pray that I lovingly embrace ALL those who come into my life (even when they are yelling at me about health choices). To be forgiving, humble and a SERVANT to others. I feel like I am failing miserably at this time especially considering I can't even stay away from Soy products for my own son's sake. But perhaps in these failings, I will learn to be strengthened... get up and try even harder. I would rather know that I am weak where I stand so I can DO something about it than foolishly believe I've got it all right.

On that note, I hear Ethan again. I'll take a deep breath and prepare myself to take on a challenging night knowing I brought this upon myself... and poor Ethan. Hope this finds you all growing in your own strengths, self-aware about your own weaknesses, and faithful that you will overcome them. God bless you all!