I have just tucked in the babies and gave them each a big kiss. I told them that the next time they see me, it will be at the hospital to meet our new baby and they were very excited. In fact, I am feeling very excited! Like answered prayer, all of that anxiousness is being washed away by the sheer excitement at knowing this time tomorrow, there will be a precious, precious little baby in our lives!
So I am watching the sun set not just on my last day of being pregnant, but also setting on what has been a sixteen year season of child-bearing years. It has been a good "stretch" (pun intended!). I really do love my life being a mom and watching the precious faces of each of my children is such a delight. Even Melina today has been tired and bothered by a headache, but I love just looking at her when she doesn't know it, and smiling at my first "baby" who has grown so much. Barely a year away from being an adult herself...
If this did happen to be the last night of my life, I would be peaceful. The children made me laugh most of the day and meal time together was extra funny for whatever reason. I am experiencing not just the gift of life within my womb, but the gift of my own life. It doesn't always feel like it's been a life worth living... good grief I think I could do without a few chapters of significantly poor choices... and yet those chapters played key roles in the reasons why I choose to live an open life and why I believe that being honest with others is a good way to ensure you're being honest with yourself.
There's that part of me that wonders, should this BE the last night of my life, will I have loved my babies passionately enough to last them the rest of their lives? Will all that talk about my love being with them always no matter what, live itself out? I hope more than anything that what they remember most about "Mom" is the smile on her face, the delight in her heart and the sheer joy it has been for me to be their mom.
But tonight, I am not worried about that slim chance of facing my own death. I think there is far too much living to do for the road to end here. There are too many people to meet, too many people to love, too many people to feed (and I'm not just talking about my brood!), and just too much goodness to be shared! Our provisions are abundant... the Lord's bounty in our lives is evident.
Although I do admit that I have been all over the map with my faith these last few weeks. I thank God for His forgiveness, for His patience and for His tolerance. My prayers have ranged from yelling at Him "If this is how you treat the people who LOVE you, then I'm not so sure I WANT to spend eternity with You!" To being silent because I was too angry to even reach out to Him. But yesterday, I broke down and wept and what escaped my lips through prayer released my fear and my need to feel any sense of control over all of this... "Father... I NEED you! Yaweh... I NEED you more than ever! I can't do this without You!"
In my anger, I reached out and found, once again, that He has loved me through each of these steps. Even though it felt that everything I asked NOT to have happen, happened... (I was starting to think He was playing the opposite game with me), I knew in the back of my mind that nothing has ever crumbled in my life without there being a great purpose in it. And it feels like a terrible crumbling because had I BEEN in control, I would have never chosen it for myself!
But this Little One has been more obedient to God than I have been! Despite every instinct telling Baby to turn head down, despite all the efforts and all the prayers... This baby literally planted his/her feet firmly against my uterus, diligent in obeying what God would have been telling him/her is safest. Because I tell you that had baby turned and been born naturally, the health issue that has arisen could very well have killed him/her. Which in turn, would have "killed" me.
This was happening behind the scenes, outside of our full understanding, but God almighty answered the very prayer I had offered up to Him in the first place... "Please help this baby to be delivered in the safest way possible."
Poor Duane, who is as constant as the Sun, could not understand how I could doubt God being with me through all of this. He must have a faith that could put mine to shame that he has not felt like he himself could cry out to God "Why have you forsaken me?" Or lament with poor David in Psalms who knew all too well what it felt like to have God abandon him. Instead, Duane is more like Job... "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh." Plain and simple. Even in the face of losing his wife, his children, his home, land and livestock, Job did not stop praising God. That, my dear friends, is my Duane, too.
Oh wouldn't it be blissful to never, ever doubt Him? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could hold strong to the first moment He revealed his love for us? I suppose that will have to be my life-long journey.
But tonight, I delight in the release of that anger I was feeling and the peace He replaced it with. I am not angry with Him but rather with myself for having doubted His purpose, His plan... His love. Tonight, I rejoice in knowing that April 16th is my baby's birthday... that this time tomorrow, albeit in much pain, I will see his/her little face... I will nurse him/her with his/her provisions from God through my milk (let's hope it comes in pretty quick)... and I will begin this next chapter in our anything-but-dull lives.
Duane himself summed it up when I told him in a moment of fear that I wanted him to know that I would never want him to live the rest of his life alone... that I would ask God to bless him with a very special companion should I die... and with a mischievous smirk I added "just as long as she's uglier than me!" (to which we chuckled). But by the morning, he held me close and said "I just don't think I could live the rest of my life with anyone else... you're too much of an adventure!"
So let the adventure continue, the blessings abound and new life be welcomed in the arms of those who have been anxiously awaiting his/her arrival.
God bless you all for journeying this whole process with us. We feel richly blessed by your prayers and your presence we feel through them. Tonight, life is good... and I feel larger than life (and look it, too!). :)
As for the plan for tomorrow... we are to make our way to the hospital for 8:00 a.m. with the C-section scheduled for 9:30 a.m. But the doctor said it was looking more like the surgery would happen around 11:00 a.m. Baby will be out within twenty minutes but the remaining forty minutes will be spent sewing me back up. Two hours in the recovery room and then finally moved to a regular room. Melina and Antoinette will drive the kids out to see us sometime after supper, assuming that there were no complications.
Tomorrow... our family will be whole and complete. What an adventure, indeed!
Showing posts with label Baby Vaags. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baby Vaags. Show all posts
Sunday, 15 April 2012
Saturday, 14 April 2012
Scheduled C-section
Due to an additional health concern, a C-section has been scheduled for Monday morning. But if my water breaks or I go into labour prior to then, I am to make my way to the hospital ASAP for an emergency C-section.
By no means is this ideal but it's just the way God has it laid out for us. I'm having a hard time sleeping at night, too. The timing could not be worse...
Melina is starting up soccer and will be gone a couple of days per week after school plus she still has her voice lessons twice per week. Throw in a busy semester and counting on her help is pretty pointless.
Duane is anxious to get the fields ready for seeding and to fix his machines. Instead, he is pulled away from his duties (yet again) to tend to family stuff.
Thank God almighty for Antoinette and the incredible blessing she is to our household. Today, I would like to ask for your prayers to come her way as there is much that will be left on her plate while I recover from surgery... making meals is no fun with three kids whining/fighting/crying/pooping, etc... nor are Isabel runs fun to fit in three hours per day. Then there's weekly grocery shops, swim lessons, Ethan's special meals, Isabel's special care, etc... I'm just feeling anxious to heal up and not leave this all on Antoinette's shoulders!
I'd like Melina to feel like she can play soccer this year without feeling guilty for not being around to help and I'd like Duane to get the work he needs to get done without feeling like he is abandoning high demands in the house.
Needless to say, while they have me opened up, I will be asking that they tie my tubes. We are richly blessed (beyond our wildest dreams) and it's time to start living life as a family moving forward. We will trust that should there be more children in store for us, they will be brought to us by the grace of God through either foster care, adoption, etc... If God wants us to love and nurture more children, I know He'll take care of those details.
For now, we feel blessed with our beautiful children and simply cannot face the notion of ever going through what we've endured this past month and a half again. And this next month will not be easy, either.
So there you have it. I just ask that the Lord keep the Baby and me safe during this surgery and post... that He guide the hands of those working on us... and that He be with Duane as he feels helpless in this whole process. I am so incredibly blessed to have such a man at my side and I love bearing his children... but we give thanks for our four and dare not ask for more.
I have pre-recorded four nights worth of bedtime readings for my other "babies" as this has been a routine we have come to depend on (and truly love). It will be hard to be away from them so long. Anika this morning shed a few tears as she said "I'm scared that something bad will happen to you and the baby." Which meant we had a good conversation about Love and how even though you can't see it, you can feel it and know that it is very real. That even though we cannot see God with our eyes, we can see Him in His creation and feel Him in our hearts... and that should something "bad" happen to mommy and the baby, that my love would continue to be very real and present, no matter what.
Duane and I have too many wonderful visions of the future together to believe that God's plan would mean halting our togetherness at this time in our lives, but we surrender to His Will no matter what. But if Abraham could plead with God about Sodom and Gomorrah to save Lot and his family's life, then I am hoping that I can argue a little with Him about wanting to watch my babies grow, teach them His ways, play with our own grand babies some day, sharing our knowledge of sustainable farming with anyone and everyone, of laughing lots together and simply rejoicing in the Lord.
With that plea and prayer in my heart, I am hopeful that all will go very well.
May this find you all doing well and God bless you all.
By no means is this ideal but it's just the way God has it laid out for us. I'm having a hard time sleeping at night, too. The timing could not be worse...
Melina is starting up soccer and will be gone a couple of days per week after school plus she still has her voice lessons twice per week. Throw in a busy semester and counting on her help is pretty pointless.
Duane is anxious to get the fields ready for seeding and to fix his machines. Instead, he is pulled away from his duties (yet again) to tend to family stuff.
Thank God almighty for Antoinette and the incredible blessing she is to our household. Today, I would like to ask for your prayers to come her way as there is much that will be left on her plate while I recover from surgery... making meals is no fun with three kids whining/fighting/crying/pooping, etc... nor are Isabel runs fun to fit in three hours per day. Then there's weekly grocery shops, swim lessons, Ethan's special meals, Isabel's special care, etc... I'm just feeling anxious to heal up and not leave this all on Antoinette's shoulders!
I'd like Melina to feel like she can play soccer this year without feeling guilty for not being around to help and I'd like Duane to get the work he needs to get done without feeling like he is abandoning high demands in the house.
Needless to say, while they have me opened up, I will be asking that they tie my tubes. We are richly blessed (beyond our wildest dreams) and it's time to start living life as a family moving forward. We will trust that should there be more children in store for us, they will be brought to us by the grace of God through either foster care, adoption, etc... If God wants us to love and nurture more children, I know He'll take care of those details.
For now, we feel blessed with our beautiful children and simply cannot face the notion of ever going through what we've endured this past month and a half again. And this next month will not be easy, either.
So there you have it. I just ask that the Lord keep the Baby and me safe during this surgery and post... that He guide the hands of those working on us... and that He be with Duane as he feels helpless in this whole process. I am so incredibly blessed to have such a man at my side and I love bearing his children... but we give thanks for our four and dare not ask for more.
I have pre-recorded four nights worth of bedtime readings for my other "babies" as this has been a routine we have come to depend on (and truly love). It will be hard to be away from them so long. Anika this morning shed a few tears as she said "I'm scared that something bad will happen to you and the baby." Which meant we had a good conversation about Love and how even though you can't see it, you can feel it and know that it is very real. That even though we cannot see God with our eyes, we can see Him in His creation and feel Him in our hearts... and that should something "bad" happen to mommy and the baby, that my love would continue to be very real and present, no matter what.
Duane and I have too many wonderful visions of the future together to believe that God's plan would mean halting our togetherness at this time in our lives, but we surrender to His Will no matter what. But if Abraham could plead with God about Sodom and Gomorrah to save Lot and his family's life, then I am hoping that I can argue a little with Him about wanting to watch my babies grow, teach them His ways, play with our own grand babies some day, sharing our knowledge of sustainable farming with anyone and everyone, of laughing lots together and simply rejoicing in the Lord.
With that plea and prayer in my heart, I am hopeful that all will go very well.
May this find you all doing well and God bless you all.
Sunday, 8 April 2012
The Waiting Game
I think perhaps one of the cruelest things a pregnant woman can do to herself is give into the mentality that the 37th week marks the "anytime now" phase. I feel like I am three weeks overdue and I have not even seen my official due date yet!
I did this same thing when I was pregnant with Anika. For whatever reason, I was convinced the baby was going to come early. I told myself December 28th which was reasonable given my due date was January 7th. By the time January 17th rolled around, I would sit on the floor in the middle of the night because I could no longer sleep, and I would cry and beg God "Why have you forgotten me?"
Ah.. the good 'ol days. I swore after Anika that with any subsequent pregnancies, I would assume that my "due date" would be at least one week post the official due date. So with Ethan, I was due October 19th... told myself probably October 25th and was surprised when my water broke and he was born October 13th!
With Sivana, we were just so darn busy all the time, that I flat out asked God that she be late! It just felt like there wasn't enough time in the day to even prepare for another baby! My due date was September 26th but my water broke on the 3rd! Thankfully she wasn't born until the 5th which was my official 37 week cut off mark.... this meant that she was NOT considered premature!
With this pregnancy, I stupidly thought "hmmm, getting earlier and earlier... maybe this one will also be early." And then with all the upheaval about the baby being breeched this past month and the "hope" that Baby comes sooner than later, it really has felt like I have been pregnant indefinitely.
But here we are... two days away from my official due date... my midwife back from her month of holidays today... and the hope that perhaps Little One has simply been waiting for our favourite midwife in the whole world. There isn't anyone else we'd rather have at our side as we tackle a breech delivery than our midwife and if all of this "waiting" has meant having her there, it's been worth it.
But I am tired. I feel like every minute is being subconsciously counted. Too afraid to start any projects in case it gets interrupted, unable to sleep at night and wishing someone would finally invent the pregnancy-bed-spatula to facilitate turning from one side to the other... and longing for the day where my bladder can handle more than a few drops of urine! Getting up in the night is a whole other ordeal and then I have to stand there for a minute until my hips stop screaming in pain... and then I have to hop... yes, big pregnant overweight lady hopping in the night... all the way to the washroom. Hoping beyond all hope that no one else needs to get up in the night to pee only to be horrified at what appears like a limping walrus in the shadows making its way to the washroom!
Sigh.
This morning, I woke up to half my face being swollen. I looked like I had two faces merged together.. and not terribly gracefully! What on earth is that about? Any aspect of feeling "desirable" or "womanly" have been replaced with feeling "overripe" and... well... just plain HUGE.
The good news? No woman has ever been pregnant "forever" so there will be an end to this someday. Each day brings us one day closer, right? And while some are reminding me to savour these last few days as my last ones of being pregnant ever again... there is another part of me that is all done "savouring" and is just ready to move on with our next chapter! At this point, I feel like I am MARINATING!
I struggled with whether or not to post anything after my lovely state of "peace"... after all, it was such a nice note to leave things on. But the truth is, the peace came and the peace went but at least it visited at all! Some of it remains... the surrender to God and the lifted burden of trying to turn this baby.... and even the aspect of trusting the outcome. But the fear still visits now and again and the sense of feeling like this is never going to end.
All in good time, right? Had I known what we were going to face with Ethan and discovering his many, many allergies, I would have likely welcomed the opportunity to keep him "brewing" a little longer! Right now, my journey is to find peace with the moment and not look to the past, nor the future, but savour the gift of the present.
So here's hoping that wherever you're at with your own life, you are savouring the moment... even if you've been marinating in it for what may seem like forever! That all things come and go... all things pass... and that perhaps we should welcome these moments while we have them BECAUSE they are part of our story. A life story with a beginning and an end and whose details have been beautifully orchestrated. May you enjoy your story and not doubt for one second that it is a life worth living!
Much love to you all out there! I hope that the next time you hear from me, it will be with "THE news". God bless you all.
I did this same thing when I was pregnant with Anika. For whatever reason, I was convinced the baby was going to come early. I told myself December 28th which was reasonable given my due date was January 7th. By the time January 17th rolled around, I would sit on the floor in the middle of the night because I could no longer sleep, and I would cry and beg God "Why have you forgotten me?"
Ah.. the good 'ol days. I swore after Anika that with any subsequent pregnancies, I would assume that my "due date" would be at least one week post the official due date. So with Ethan, I was due October 19th... told myself probably October 25th and was surprised when my water broke and he was born October 13th!
With Sivana, we were just so darn busy all the time, that I flat out asked God that she be late! It just felt like there wasn't enough time in the day to even prepare for another baby! My due date was September 26th but my water broke on the 3rd! Thankfully she wasn't born until the 5th which was my official 37 week cut off mark.... this meant that she was NOT considered premature!
With this pregnancy, I stupidly thought "hmmm, getting earlier and earlier... maybe this one will also be early." And then with all the upheaval about the baby being breeched this past month and the "hope" that Baby comes sooner than later, it really has felt like I have been pregnant indefinitely.
But here we are... two days away from my official due date... my midwife back from her month of holidays today... and the hope that perhaps Little One has simply been waiting for our favourite midwife in the whole world. There isn't anyone else we'd rather have at our side as we tackle a breech delivery than our midwife and if all of this "waiting" has meant having her there, it's been worth it.
But I am tired. I feel like every minute is being subconsciously counted. Too afraid to start any projects in case it gets interrupted, unable to sleep at night and wishing someone would finally invent the pregnancy-bed-spatula to facilitate turning from one side to the other... and longing for the day where my bladder can handle more than a few drops of urine! Getting up in the night is a whole other ordeal and then I have to stand there for a minute until my hips stop screaming in pain... and then I have to hop... yes, big pregnant overweight lady hopping in the night... all the way to the washroom. Hoping beyond all hope that no one else needs to get up in the night to pee only to be horrified at what appears like a limping walrus in the shadows making its way to the washroom!
Sigh.
This morning, I woke up to half my face being swollen. I looked like I had two faces merged together.. and not terribly gracefully! What on earth is that about? Any aspect of feeling "desirable" or "womanly" have been replaced with feeling "overripe" and... well... just plain HUGE.
The good news? No woman has ever been pregnant "forever" so there will be an end to this someday. Each day brings us one day closer, right? And while some are reminding me to savour these last few days as my last ones of being pregnant ever again... there is another part of me that is all done "savouring" and is just ready to move on with our next chapter! At this point, I feel like I am MARINATING!
I struggled with whether or not to post anything after my lovely state of "peace"... after all, it was such a nice note to leave things on. But the truth is, the peace came and the peace went but at least it visited at all! Some of it remains... the surrender to God and the lifted burden of trying to turn this baby.... and even the aspect of trusting the outcome. But the fear still visits now and again and the sense of feeling like this is never going to end.
All in good time, right? Had I known what we were going to face with Ethan and discovering his many, many allergies, I would have likely welcomed the opportunity to keep him "brewing" a little longer! Right now, my journey is to find peace with the moment and not look to the past, nor the future, but savour the gift of the present.
So here's hoping that wherever you're at with your own life, you are savouring the moment... even if you've been marinating in it for what may seem like forever! That all things come and go... all things pass... and that perhaps we should welcome these moments while we have them BECAUSE they are part of our story. A life story with a beginning and an end and whose details have been beautifully orchestrated. May you enjoy your story and not doubt for one second that it is a life worth living!
Much love to you all out there! I hope that the next time you hear from me, it will be with "THE news". God bless you all.
Saturday, 31 March 2012
The Present Moment
Today I have been given the most beautiful gift... Peace.
After what has felt like several weeks of angst, uncertainty, fear, panic and weakness, today I have received glorious answer to my prayers. It began yesterday when I made a decision. This baby has his/her purpose outside of any efforts on my part, and this baby seems to have chosen his/her position for birth. Enough trying everything in MY power to change it.
So I have stopped lying on slopes for thirty minutes a day... I've stopped the pulsatilla and the mugwort... I've stopped walking on all fours (although my kitchen floor is finally clean!), I've stopped the acupuncture and hypnotherapy... well, the hypnotherapy is actually a great "fall asleep" track and seems to work better on Duane than it does me! If he had a breech baby, that baby would have turned for sure! Now we use it for the great sleep it induces. I've refused the external Version and am finally, finally surrendering this completely to God.
Because at the end of the day, whatever the outcome, I want the glory to belong to God... not a doctor, not a hypnobaby track, and not me.
He has answered my prayers today. I have been begging Him to "be" with me... to dissipate my fears and increase my faith in His Will. I have asked that the wavering faith stop and that I be left with a steadfast peace. And He has DELIVERED (all pun intended!).
So today, I have a huge smile on my face. I feel like I could go into this with a laugh, even! Even if it means facing my most feared outcome... I am cloaked in peace today as though nothing could touch what already feels like a victory! If that is not God "being" with me, than what is?
Perhaps this peace means that this baby's arrival is imminent, or perhaps He is giving me a glimpse of the victory that is already His. Either way, today is my gift from Him... It feels Holy and Alive.... is it truly my "present" moment.
Thank you for sharing it with me and for your prayers that have guided me to this very place. If love could pour forth literally like a river from my soul to yours, it would be abundant right now. And you would be flooded with my gratitude and love! My brothers, my sisters... I am finally ready.
After what has felt like several weeks of angst, uncertainty, fear, panic and weakness, today I have received glorious answer to my prayers. It began yesterday when I made a decision. This baby has his/her purpose outside of any efforts on my part, and this baby seems to have chosen his/her position for birth. Enough trying everything in MY power to change it.
So I have stopped lying on slopes for thirty minutes a day... I've stopped the pulsatilla and the mugwort... I've stopped walking on all fours (although my kitchen floor is finally clean!), I've stopped the acupuncture and hypnotherapy... well, the hypnotherapy is actually a great "fall asleep" track and seems to work better on Duane than it does me! If he had a breech baby, that baby would have turned for sure! Now we use it for the great sleep it induces. I've refused the external Version and am finally, finally surrendering this completely to God.
Because at the end of the day, whatever the outcome, I want the glory to belong to God... not a doctor, not a hypnobaby track, and not me.
He has answered my prayers today. I have been begging Him to "be" with me... to dissipate my fears and increase my faith in His Will. I have asked that the wavering faith stop and that I be left with a steadfast peace. And He has DELIVERED (all pun intended!).
So today, I have a huge smile on my face. I feel like I could go into this with a laugh, even! Even if it means facing my most feared outcome... I am cloaked in peace today as though nothing could touch what already feels like a victory! If that is not God "being" with me, than what is?
Perhaps this peace means that this baby's arrival is imminent, or perhaps He is giving me a glimpse of the victory that is already His. Either way, today is my gift from Him... It feels Holy and Alive.... is it truly my "present" moment.
Thank you for sharing it with me and for your prayers that have guided me to this very place. If love could pour forth literally like a river from my soul to yours, it would be abundant right now. And you would be flooded with my gratitude and love! My brothers, my sisters... I am finally ready.
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Breeching the Topic at Hand
Well, I've got mostly good news. The meeting with the obstetrician went much better yesterday than I anticipated. We reviewed a few more statistics, took another look at the baby and the internal ultrasound revealed that his/her little bum is nestled right against my cervix with no umbilical cord in between. Little one is still in a Frank Breech and measuring within the 35th percentile. So a smaller baby.... this is ideal!
The obstetrician looked me in the eyes and said, "If we were to choose the most ideal candidate for a natural breech delivery, you would be it." Which offered me a huge sense of relief. My labours have been around eight hours long with Sivana being the exception at three hours... and I push for fifteen minutes or less. But I only start "counting" the start of my labours from the moment the contractions are difficult to manage (which I find are around the 4 cm dilation mark). The days that I "labour" before don't count to me. Sure enough, the obstetrician confirmed this same "starting point" and said that once my labour "starts" (at 4 cms dilation), he doesn't want to see me going more than eight hours. If labour has exceeded the eight hours with little to no improvement on dilation, we are heading to the Operating Room for a C-section.
Fair enough.
If labour progresses well and I have reached 8 cms dilation, we will then be moved to the Operating Room for the remaining transition. Once ready to push, if the baby is not out within thirty minutes, given my history with relatively easy deliveries, they will again assume something isn't quite right and do a C-section.
Fair enough.
My next concern was that Ethan, even at ten days early, had a head that measured 97th percentile. Even with gravity working for him and contractions pushing down on him... and my midwife trying to push my cervix over his head, we had a great deal of difficulty delivering him. What if this baby has a bigger head and it gets stuck??
Well, apparently what happens in that moment (which must be acted upon very quickly) is that I am put to sleep. Within two minutes, they will have cut to my pelvic bone and severed the cartilage between the adjoining points to free the baby. It means a month of pain and difficulty walking... but it means saving the baby's life.
I'm okay with that.
The OR was booked for 1:00 pm today for a Version but we turned it down. There is only a 50% success rate (meaning the baby actually goes head down) and a 3% chance of complication occurring requiring an immediate C-section. We decided we would give the baby a chance to turn of his/her own accord (last week the odds were 25%, this week they are at 17%, etc...) with the sincerest hope that God will guide this Little One into the right birthing position.
The chances of something going wrong birthing this baby naturally breech is 3-4% so we were facing the same risk percentile and opted to let nature try to do its thing.
We were also given the statistic that it takes 3,000 C-sections to save the one baby that would have died during a breech delivery. So 2,999 C-section are done as a precautionary measure. For every ten babies that would have been saved, one mother has been killed from the C-section.
I looked this doctor in the eyes and asked him flat out "If this was YOUR baby, YOUR body, YOUR decision, what would it be?"
He hesitated, hummed and hawed... and said "Depends on the week you ask me... for instance, we just about lost a mom this week. She needed four quarts of blood to be saved. This week, I look at your chart and see that you are as ideal a candidate as possible to deliver naturally... I say do it naturally. But next week, if we have a close call with a breech delivery... I'd tell you to go with the C-section."
So as it stands, this baby and I are in the best possible position to do this well naturally and that's what we're going to aim for. We understand fully that something could go wrong and we could end up with a C-section or the cutting of my pelvic bone... but we feel pretty good about bringing our Precious Little One into this world and are just anxious to get moving with the next stage in our lives.
We no longer need to panic about the possibility of a prolapsed cord should my water break. We are still advised to come into Emerg immediately but not via EMS. This is a HUGE relief to me.
Tonight, I've had some pretty good contractions. Went on the treadmill and they were roaring every two minutes! But once I got off the treadmill, they pretty much stopped completely.
The "waiting" game is the worst part and the surrender comes and goes. I have prayed for steadfast faith. As I was washing the kitchen floor, God reminded me of something very important... I love Him more than this Baby, that I love Him more than my husband, and that I love Him more than my life. Whatever the outcome, it belongs to Him... willingly.
That is a peace in my heart I thank you all for. I have no doubt your gracious prayers helped to soothe my thoughts and to remember the "bigger picture". I am envisioning holding my baby in my arms and looking into those little blinky eyes right after birth... touching those little fingers and hearing the precious sound of his/her breath of life. I cannot wait to see that little face and commit my heart and soul to this little one as his/her mother. A commitment made eye to eye and blessed with a kiss on the top of the head. It is a sacred moment I anticipate more than words can say!
God almighty, may this next phase belong to You and You alone. I surrender, I accept, I am yours. In Jesus' precious name... Amen.
The obstetrician looked me in the eyes and said, "If we were to choose the most ideal candidate for a natural breech delivery, you would be it." Which offered me a huge sense of relief. My labours have been around eight hours long with Sivana being the exception at three hours... and I push for fifteen minutes or less. But I only start "counting" the start of my labours from the moment the contractions are difficult to manage (which I find are around the 4 cm dilation mark). The days that I "labour" before don't count to me. Sure enough, the obstetrician confirmed this same "starting point" and said that once my labour "starts" (at 4 cms dilation), he doesn't want to see me going more than eight hours. If labour has exceeded the eight hours with little to no improvement on dilation, we are heading to the Operating Room for a C-section.
Fair enough.
If labour progresses well and I have reached 8 cms dilation, we will then be moved to the Operating Room for the remaining transition. Once ready to push, if the baby is not out within thirty minutes, given my history with relatively easy deliveries, they will again assume something isn't quite right and do a C-section.
Fair enough.
My next concern was that Ethan, even at ten days early, had a head that measured 97th percentile. Even with gravity working for him and contractions pushing down on him... and my midwife trying to push my cervix over his head, we had a great deal of difficulty delivering him. What if this baby has a bigger head and it gets stuck??
Well, apparently what happens in that moment (which must be acted upon very quickly) is that I am put to sleep. Within two minutes, they will have cut to my pelvic bone and severed the cartilage between the adjoining points to free the baby. It means a month of pain and difficulty walking... but it means saving the baby's life.
I'm okay with that.
The OR was booked for 1:00 pm today for a Version but we turned it down. There is only a 50% success rate (meaning the baby actually goes head down) and a 3% chance of complication occurring requiring an immediate C-section. We decided we would give the baby a chance to turn of his/her own accord (last week the odds were 25%, this week they are at 17%, etc...) with the sincerest hope that God will guide this Little One into the right birthing position.
The chances of something going wrong birthing this baby naturally breech is 3-4% so we were facing the same risk percentile and opted to let nature try to do its thing.
We were also given the statistic that it takes 3,000 C-sections to save the one baby that would have died during a breech delivery. So 2,999 C-section are done as a precautionary measure. For every ten babies that would have been saved, one mother has been killed from the C-section.
I looked this doctor in the eyes and asked him flat out "If this was YOUR baby, YOUR body, YOUR decision, what would it be?"
He hesitated, hummed and hawed... and said "Depends on the week you ask me... for instance, we just about lost a mom this week. She needed four quarts of blood to be saved. This week, I look at your chart and see that you are as ideal a candidate as possible to deliver naturally... I say do it naturally. But next week, if we have a close call with a breech delivery... I'd tell you to go with the C-section."
So as it stands, this baby and I are in the best possible position to do this well naturally and that's what we're going to aim for. We understand fully that something could go wrong and we could end up with a C-section or the cutting of my pelvic bone... but we feel pretty good about bringing our Precious Little One into this world and are just anxious to get moving with the next stage in our lives.
We no longer need to panic about the possibility of a prolapsed cord should my water break. We are still advised to come into Emerg immediately but not via EMS. This is a HUGE relief to me.
Tonight, I've had some pretty good contractions. Went on the treadmill and they were roaring every two minutes! But once I got off the treadmill, they pretty much stopped completely.
The "waiting" game is the worst part and the surrender comes and goes. I have prayed for steadfast faith. As I was washing the kitchen floor, God reminded me of something very important... I love Him more than this Baby, that I love Him more than my husband, and that I love Him more than my life. Whatever the outcome, it belongs to Him... willingly.
That is a peace in my heart I thank you all for. I have no doubt your gracious prayers helped to soothe my thoughts and to remember the "bigger picture". I am envisioning holding my baby in my arms and looking into those little blinky eyes right after birth... touching those little fingers and hearing the precious sound of his/her breath of life. I cannot wait to see that little face and commit my heart and soul to this little one as his/her mother. A commitment made eye to eye and blessed with a kiss on the top of the head. It is a sacred moment I anticipate more than words can say!
God almighty, may this next phase belong to You and You alone. I surrender, I accept, I am yours. In Jesus' precious name... Amen.
Friday, 23 March 2012
Baby Vaags & His/Her Upcoming Arrival
Today was our fetal assessment. The baby looks beautiful with his/her little face looking just like the other Vaags babies... little button nose and all! And there were both feet right at his/her face. Baby is currently in a Frank Breech position and looking about 6 to 6 1/2 lbs. The heart is strong and everything looked beautiful. This is a wonderful relief for us!
No sign of a prolapsed cord at this time but according to the midwife's palpitations on Wednesday, she believes that there is still ample room between the baby's bottom and my cervix which makes the possibility of a prolapsed cord quite risky. The obstetrician today did not seem to address this fact. In fact, in the ten minutes we attempted to discuss the situation and our options, he was paged several times and had to make about four or five phone calls! It felt rushed and we were told to come back Monday afternoon for an internal ultrasound (doesn't that sound pleasant) to confirm that no umbilical cord is sitting between the baby and the birth canal.
But what if I go into labour before Monday?
This obstetrician just casually told us to come into Women's Clinic to assess the baby's position. If baby is still breeched, we move to the Operating Room, get hooked up to IV and decide if we attempt a vaginal delivery or a C-section. The way he put it was "If you care only about the baby's well being, a C-section is the way to go. That's what's safest for the baby. If you care only about what's best for Mama, then a vaginal delivery is the safest for Mama." And even if we attempt a vaginal delivery, there is no guarantee complications won't arise during the birthing. At this point, the way I am feeling, if baby is still breeched as I go into labour... we are going to go with the C-section.
But what if my water breaks, as it has with my last three babies?
Again, the obstetrician did not seem concerned. He seemed to offer the same protocol as the onset of labour. However, my midwife had a very different story and I'm just not sure where I am supposed to stand in all of this. According to the midwife, because of the space left between the baby and my cervix, the risk of the cord prolapsing and cutting off blood circulation to the baby is too great. I am to call 911 immediately and get into a position that has me on all fours with my bum in the air to keep the baby from dropping into the pelvis and cutting off that blood flow. A prolapsed cord means we have as little as twenty minutes to get the baby out alive. We live thirty minutes from the nearest hospital...
Short of tenting it by a hospital over the next five weeks, our plan of action will be as follows:
a) If my water breaks, we will call city EMS and ask them to meet us at the Perimeter Hwy. This will ensure fastest response time. I will climb into the backseat with my legs on one of the chairs and my head by the ground (in the most intense prayer of my life)! To wait for EMS in our rural home could be too dangerous in our eyes. If my water breaks while Duane is at work, my next door neighbour will be the one to drive me to the Perimeter and Duane will meet us at the Hospital.
b) If labour begins with no breaking of the membranes, we will simply make our way to the hospital to assess the baby's position and decide on our course of action. According to the obstetrician, our baby has a 25% chance of turning into its correct position by the time labour sets in.
I am looking at my baby's little picture and I can't help the tears. I am overwhelmed with the desire to do anything in my power to see his/her safe arrival. So tiny, so precious... that little heart beating so strong with life. And all could end up being perfectly fine and uneventful! But all of this other stuff hovering overhead making this feel like it could end in doom and gloom is making my peace of heart feel like it is failing me!
For now, I am enjoying every wiggle and movement that celebrates his/her life... that makes it untouched by any of this right now. These next five weeks are going to be among the most challenging as far as keeping fears at bay, keeping faith strong, and believing that all will be just fine. It is a waiting game that has me both terrified and excited. I have no idea what God's timing is in all of this, but I know He loves us and that regardless of the outcome, it is for His good and pleasing Will.
I love you all out there and thank you for not letting me feel like I am facing this time alone. For helping me feel uplifted in the sanctity of prayer and nuzzled in the good will of all those who love us. We are richly blessed. To all of you out there... God bless you!
No sign of a prolapsed cord at this time but according to the midwife's palpitations on Wednesday, she believes that there is still ample room between the baby's bottom and my cervix which makes the possibility of a prolapsed cord quite risky. The obstetrician today did not seem to address this fact. In fact, in the ten minutes we attempted to discuss the situation and our options, he was paged several times and had to make about four or five phone calls! It felt rushed and we were told to come back Monday afternoon for an internal ultrasound (doesn't that sound pleasant) to confirm that no umbilical cord is sitting between the baby and the birth canal.
But what if I go into labour before Monday?
This obstetrician just casually told us to come into Women's Clinic to assess the baby's position. If baby is still breeched, we move to the Operating Room, get hooked up to IV and decide if we attempt a vaginal delivery or a C-section. The way he put it was "If you care only about the baby's well being, a C-section is the way to go. That's what's safest for the baby. If you care only about what's best for Mama, then a vaginal delivery is the safest for Mama." And even if we attempt a vaginal delivery, there is no guarantee complications won't arise during the birthing. At this point, the way I am feeling, if baby is still breeched as I go into labour... we are going to go with the C-section.
But what if my water breaks, as it has with my last three babies?
Again, the obstetrician did not seem concerned. He seemed to offer the same protocol as the onset of labour. However, my midwife had a very different story and I'm just not sure where I am supposed to stand in all of this. According to the midwife, because of the space left between the baby and my cervix, the risk of the cord prolapsing and cutting off blood circulation to the baby is too great. I am to call 911 immediately and get into a position that has me on all fours with my bum in the air to keep the baby from dropping into the pelvis and cutting off that blood flow. A prolapsed cord means we have as little as twenty minutes to get the baby out alive. We live thirty minutes from the nearest hospital...
Short of tenting it by a hospital over the next five weeks, our plan of action will be as follows:
a) If my water breaks, we will call city EMS and ask them to meet us at the Perimeter Hwy. This will ensure fastest response time. I will climb into the backseat with my legs on one of the chairs and my head by the ground (in the most intense prayer of my life)! To wait for EMS in our rural home could be too dangerous in our eyes. If my water breaks while Duane is at work, my next door neighbour will be the one to drive me to the Perimeter and Duane will meet us at the Hospital.
b) If labour begins with no breaking of the membranes, we will simply make our way to the hospital to assess the baby's position and decide on our course of action. According to the obstetrician, our baby has a 25% chance of turning into its correct position by the time labour sets in.
I am looking at my baby's little picture and I can't help the tears. I am overwhelmed with the desire to do anything in my power to see his/her safe arrival. So tiny, so precious... that little heart beating so strong with life. And all could end up being perfectly fine and uneventful! But all of this other stuff hovering overhead making this feel like it could end in doom and gloom is making my peace of heart feel like it is failing me!
For now, I am enjoying every wiggle and movement that celebrates his/her life... that makes it untouched by any of this right now. These next five weeks are going to be among the most challenging as far as keeping fears at bay, keeping faith strong, and believing that all will be just fine. It is a waiting game that has me both terrified and excited. I have no idea what God's timing is in all of this, but I know He loves us and that regardless of the outcome, it is for His good and pleasing Will.
I love you all out there and thank you for not letting me feel like I am facing this time alone. For helping me feel uplifted in the sanctity of prayer and nuzzled in the good will of all those who love us. We are richly blessed. To all of you out there... God bless you!
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Flippin' frustrating!
You guessed it... I am 37 weeks pregnant, officially full term, and the baby is still breeched (or at least that's what the professionals are guessing from outside palpitations). I am being sent for a fetal assessment on Friday at 11:00 a.m. for further assessment and to discuss a course of action.
A course of action... Here are the options:
a) If baby is still breeched on Friday, the obstetrician on hand is one who is willing to attempt a Version (manually pushing on the baby to manipulate it into a head down position). This is done in the Operating Room with ultrasound monitoring to assess the baby's well-being and to ensure that the flipping around does not cause any obstruction to the umbilical cord. If so, an emergency C-section is performed.
b) If baby is still breeched on Friday, we can opt NOT to attempt the Version. This means waiting until true labour kicks in where they would do a quick ultrasound to see WHAT position the baby is in. There are three breeched positions and only one of them can be successfully delivered naturally. If the baby is in the successfully breeched position, we head off to the OR and attempt a natural delivery ready for an emergency C-section, if needed. The risk is to make sure the baby's chin does not get stuck in the birth canal while pushing... that the baby does not try to take his/her first breath in the birth canal, and that the umbilical cord is not prolapsed (caught somewhere in the feet). If baby is in either of the other two breeched position, it is an automatic C-section.
c) If baby remains breeched, we can simply go straight to a scheduled C-section.
There are so many fears juggling around in my head and so many to surrender. And one of them that I must face is the fact that the only obstetrician on hand immediately is the same one who handled my emergency c-section with Isabel. While some would find comfort in the history connection, I have the most traumatizing time in my life associated with him. He is extremely well-respected but I was left with uterine lining in my seal which meant excruciating endometriosis pain for several years before they discovered that's what it was. Then he was the one to re-open me and remove it. My only physical traumas in my life are associated with this well-respected obstetrician... is God calling me to finally heal and get over it? Or is it a big slap in the face?
And then there is the whole dream just before I got pregnant with this one...
I know I've mentioned it before. And at the end of the day, it's just a dream, but I've had enough of these "dreams" to know when there is a message in it, whether I comprehend it, interpret it correctly or not. In this dream, an angel had appeared to me and said "You are about to conceive a child. It will be a little boy. But I will be back for you when you deliver him." In my dream, I was sad but peaceful and surrendered to God's will. For the nine months, I made the most of my time and cherished the life I had. When I delivered in my dream, it was a natural delivery... or at least I recall holding my son in my arms but saw the angel waiting at the corner of the room. Only then did I turn to Duane with tears flowing in my eyes to say "I have to go now. But I love you with all of my heart and will ask God to watch over all of you."
When I woke from that dream, I was crying and woke Duane up. I told him about it and he shrugged it off (as one can only do when one's wife has strange dreams on a regular basis) but something did not sit well with me. Without our realizing it, our Little One would be conceived within 24 hrs of that dream...
So is it a boy? Or is it a girl? I have refused to find out in faith that God had revealed to me that this was our second son. Have I been wrong in my interpretations before? You bet! I remember when I spent two years before my sixteenth birthday convinced I'd received the message that I would die right before I turned sixteen! So much so that I wrote goodbye letters! Three months before my sixteenth birthday, I discovered I was with child... the death I had interpreted did not end up being one in body, but one of my life as I had known it... a death of my childhood. As it turns out, with all "deaths" so-to-speak comes new life. And so it did!
What of this message of death? Does it mean a new beginning? Does it mean an ending to our lives as we know it right now? Does it mean nothing at all? Does it help when your three year old says to you "I think this baby is going to die." Oh golly gee... where does one go with that one??
"Well, death is real and possible for all of us at any time. But let's ask God to keep this Baby safe in His hands, ok?"
So here I am questioning the depth of my faith, the depth of my surrender and willingness to trust Him completely. I come to this place so many times, it seems. It's a hazy place and one of great weakness for me. How easy it is to "cover my bases" thinking I can outsmart God's will and bend it to my desire. But He has always known best even if it has not been made obvious to me for many years later.
I know He must love me. I love Him with all that I am! I don't understand this moment in my life but surely as He loves me, He is keeping me and this baby safe? And if not, surely there is purpose even in that?
So everything could change this Friday, or nothing could change at all. We could risk holding out hoping this baby will flip of its own accord, or hope that a natural breech delivery is possible. At this stage, I am being signed off by my midwives into the care of qualified obstetricians as I am once again labelled "high risk". A place that leaves me wondering where this delicate state will leave our family. I am eager to know its outcome and afraid to face it at the same time.
Let us see where my faith will lead me, what the Lord has in store for my life and for this Little One whose entire being is wrapped around an enigma... puzzling anyone who has had to work with him/her! Whose soul I am madly in love with and connected to beyond my womb. And whose precious little life reaches deep within me beyond my wildest dreams.
Keep Little One in your prayers... and may my own switch from asking the Lord to "hear my prayers" to "Lord, let me hear YOU." May the Lord be with you all!
A course of action... Here are the options:
a) If baby is still breeched on Friday, the obstetrician on hand is one who is willing to attempt a Version (manually pushing on the baby to manipulate it into a head down position). This is done in the Operating Room with ultrasound monitoring to assess the baby's well-being and to ensure that the flipping around does not cause any obstruction to the umbilical cord. If so, an emergency C-section is performed.
b) If baby is still breeched on Friday, we can opt NOT to attempt the Version. This means waiting until true labour kicks in where they would do a quick ultrasound to see WHAT position the baby is in. There are three breeched positions and only one of them can be successfully delivered naturally. If the baby is in the successfully breeched position, we head off to the OR and attempt a natural delivery ready for an emergency C-section, if needed. The risk is to make sure the baby's chin does not get stuck in the birth canal while pushing... that the baby does not try to take his/her first breath in the birth canal, and that the umbilical cord is not prolapsed (caught somewhere in the feet). If baby is in either of the other two breeched position, it is an automatic C-section.
c) If baby remains breeched, we can simply go straight to a scheduled C-section.
There are so many fears juggling around in my head and so many to surrender. And one of them that I must face is the fact that the only obstetrician on hand immediately is the same one who handled my emergency c-section with Isabel. While some would find comfort in the history connection, I have the most traumatizing time in my life associated with him. He is extremely well-respected but I was left with uterine lining in my seal which meant excruciating endometriosis pain for several years before they discovered that's what it was. Then he was the one to re-open me and remove it. My only physical traumas in my life are associated with this well-respected obstetrician... is God calling me to finally heal and get over it? Or is it a big slap in the face?
And then there is the whole dream just before I got pregnant with this one...
I know I've mentioned it before. And at the end of the day, it's just a dream, but I've had enough of these "dreams" to know when there is a message in it, whether I comprehend it, interpret it correctly or not. In this dream, an angel had appeared to me and said "You are about to conceive a child. It will be a little boy. But I will be back for you when you deliver him." In my dream, I was sad but peaceful and surrendered to God's will. For the nine months, I made the most of my time and cherished the life I had. When I delivered in my dream, it was a natural delivery... or at least I recall holding my son in my arms but saw the angel waiting at the corner of the room. Only then did I turn to Duane with tears flowing in my eyes to say "I have to go now. But I love you with all of my heart and will ask God to watch over all of you."
When I woke from that dream, I was crying and woke Duane up. I told him about it and he shrugged it off (as one can only do when one's wife has strange dreams on a regular basis) but something did not sit well with me. Without our realizing it, our Little One would be conceived within 24 hrs of that dream...
So is it a boy? Or is it a girl? I have refused to find out in faith that God had revealed to me that this was our second son. Have I been wrong in my interpretations before? You bet! I remember when I spent two years before my sixteenth birthday convinced I'd received the message that I would die right before I turned sixteen! So much so that I wrote goodbye letters! Three months before my sixteenth birthday, I discovered I was with child... the death I had interpreted did not end up being one in body, but one of my life as I had known it... a death of my childhood. As it turns out, with all "deaths" so-to-speak comes new life. And so it did!
What of this message of death? Does it mean a new beginning? Does it mean an ending to our lives as we know it right now? Does it mean nothing at all? Does it help when your three year old says to you "I think this baby is going to die." Oh golly gee... where does one go with that one??
"Well, death is real and possible for all of us at any time. But let's ask God to keep this Baby safe in His hands, ok?"
So here I am questioning the depth of my faith, the depth of my surrender and willingness to trust Him completely. I come to this place so many times, it seems. It's a hazy place and one of great weakness for me. How easy it is to "cover my bases" thinking I can outsmart God's will and bend it to my desire. But He has always known best even if it has not been made obvious to me for many years later.
I know He must love me. I love Him with all that I am! I don't understand this moment in my life but surely as He loves me, He is keeping me and this baby safe? And if not, surely there is purpose even in that?
So everything could change this Friday, or nothing could change at all. We could risk holding out hoping this baby will flip of its own accord, or hope that a natural breech delivery is possible. At this stage, I am being signed off by my midwives into the care of qualified obstetricians as I am once again labelled "high risk". A place that leaves me wondering where this delicate state will leave our family. I am eager to know its outcome and afraid to face it at the same time.
Let us see where my faith will lead me, what the Lord has in store for my life and for this Little One whose entire being is wrapped around an enigma... puzzling anyone who has had to work with him/her! Whose soul I am madly in love with and connected to beyond my womb. And whose precious little life reaches deep within me beyond my wildest dreams.
Keep Little One in your prayers... and may my own switch from asking the Lord to "hear my prayers" to "Lord, let me hear YOU." May the Lord be with you all!
Saturday, 17 March 2012
Baby whose middle name shall be "Enigma"!
Yep... three midwives, a chiropractor, a naturopath, a fetal scope and a doppler machine and still no one can figure out for sure what this baby's position is. The poor Little One has been poked and prodded so many times that I am convinced when he/she is born, the first thing he/she will do is shake his/her fist at the world and say "Would you QUIT it?!!" Especially when one of these professionals finds a harder spot, starts bouncing it around and goes, "Oh... actually, I think THAT might be the head!" Great, I'm sure my baby appreciates you bouncing it around like a basket ball!
So the general consensus is that this baby is still breeched... or it has two heads. Neither is terribly comforting.
I have seen a chiropractor three times a week who has a 100% success rate with flipping breeched babies... I have had acupuncture done, I am taking a homeopathic med called Pulsatilla and feeling like an idiot when walking around on all fours (I am convinced the latter is just a practical joke on pregnant ladies!). This baby is nuzzled in a breeched position as if laughing at our every attempt to flip him/her around.
Sigh.
I have to admit, it has been really neat to hear about a lot of other mom's stories regarding their breeched babies. Some whose babies flipped literally in the birth room, some whose babies flipped, flipped again, then flipped once more! Some whose babies were born successfully breeched and others who ended up with a C-section.
What I find truly fascinating in all of this is the fact that despite the millions and millions of births, not two of them are ever the same! It's as though each one is as individual as our fingerprints! To me, that just adds to the sacredness of the task at hand... playing a key role in the "beginning" of someone's life story whose very life will be as unique and individual as the process of bringing him/her into the world.
At the end of the day, my life and this Little One's life are nestled safely in God's hands... whatever the outcome. I continue to pray for this one's safe arrival, a beautiful birth story with a happy ending. Next week, I am considered full term and the promise of looking into my little one's face and seeing who has been growing within my womb all these months is even more exciting to me than the promise of Spring. Even the sun is shining with more fervour these days as if anticipating the same excitement!
This has been a wonderful pregnancy with very few pains and aches. When pains and aches have visited, they have been short-lived and/or manageable.
Soon, we will "know" who this Little One is and embark on the journey of parenting to the best of our ability and shaping his/her character in preparation for life. A life that honours our Creator and His love for us... An honoured task... one I can't wait to begin with our next Little One.
Thank you for keeping our baby in your prayers and may this find you all doing well out there... enjoying the Spring sunshine as we are. May you feel renewed, energized and beautifully exhilarated by the promise of new life emerging all around you! What a sacred time of year! Much love to you all... and of course... God bless!
So the general consensus is that this baby is still breeched... or it has two heads. Neither is terribly comforting.
I have seen a chiropractor three times a week who has a 100% success rate with flipping breeched babies... I have had acupuncture done, I am taking a homeopathic med called Pulsatilla and feeling like an idiot when walking around on all fours (I am convinced the latter is just a practical joke on pregnant ladies!). This baby is nuzzled in a breeched position as if laughing at our every attempt to flip him/her around.
Sigh.
I have to admit, it has been really neat to hear about a lot of other mom's stories regarding their breeched babies. Some whose babies flipped literally in the birth room, some whose babies flipped, flipped again, then flipped once more! Some whose babies were born successfully breeched and others who ended up with a C-section.
What I find truly fascinating in all of this is the fact that despite the millions and millions of births, not two of them are ever the same! It's as though each one is as individual as our fingerprints! To me, that just adds to the sacredness of the task at hand... playing a key role in the "beginning" of someone's life story whose very life will be as unique and individual as the process of bringing him/her into the world.
At the end of the day, my life and this Little One's life are nestled safely in God's hands... whatever the outcome. I continue to pray for this one's safe arrival, a beautiful birth story with a happy ending. Next week, I am considered full term and the promise of looking into my little one's face and seeing who has been growing within my womb all these months is even more exciting to me than the promise of Spring. Even the sun is shining with more fervour these days as if anticipating the same excitement!
This has been a wonderful pregnancy with very few pains and aches. When pains and aches have visited, they have been short-lived and/or manageable.
Soon, we will "know" who this Little One is and embark on the journey of parenting to the best of our ability and shaping his/her character in preparation for life. A life that honours our Creator and His love for us... An honoured task... one I can't wait to begin with our next Little One.
Thank you for keeping our baby in your prayers and may this find you all doing well out there... enjoying the Spring sunshine as we are. May you feel renewed, energized and beautifully exhilarated by the promise of new life emerging all around you! What a sacred time of year! Much love to you all... and of course... God bless!
Monday, 13 September 2010
Too Good To Be True!
I am blissful... exuberant... in pure heaven!
Baby Sivana is almost too good to be true! She nurses every four hours, goes to sleep on her own and sleeps peacefully until her next feeding at which point she lets out a tiny cry and that's it. She nurses BEAUTIFULLY and efficiently (a key to a happy baby, in my opinion) and is such a contented little angel. Last night, she even gave me a SIX HOUR STRETCH!!
Six hour stretch, people! Ethan did not give me that until he was a year old!
Ok, before this post becomes nothing but exclamation marks, I should take a deep breath and remember that it has only been one week. Oh but it has been a blissfully good week! Doh, there goes another exclamation mark...
Had we let the fear of God that we would have another Ethan be the deciding factor on whether or not to have another child, we would have never known Sivana Grace. Thank goodness for wacky ovulation when weaning a child! Hee hee hee! All I can say is that I am very grateful God has taken "control" out of our own hands regarding Sivana, the circumstances of her presence both in the womb and that of her special arrival to the outside world.
Even while I was pregnant with her, I have never been one to reflect and seek inner peace prior to opening my big mouth but somehow while being pregnant with Sivana, I felt a great peace and introspection I have never experienced before. That's one of the reasons we chose Grace as her middle name.
All of it culminated beautifully with my labour and birthing experience with her, too. Pure peace and surrender (ok, maybe not right away but once the process began, all was surrendered).
I am finding myself reflective on that "fight" or struggle prior to surrendering or letting go of control in any or all aspects of life. Even death. For me, it is not death that I fear but that process in between. No differently than as a first time mother, it is not the birth of your child that you fear, but the process of birthing that can be most frightening.
And yet, when the process finally begins, you wonder what you had worked yourself up for so badly in the first place! You wonder, "sheesh, had I not fought this so much and wasted so much energy on this, I would have realized how simple and beautiful this actually is!"
Now I have no idea what the circumstances of my own death will be when that day comes, but I hope that I will not fear it as I have all these years. I hope that the process will be beautiful and that my surrender brings me a peace I never knew to imagine.
And the same goes for any major changes in my life (which some could describe as a sort of death). Letting go of the familiar, the comfortable and embarking upon a new path is always so scary! And I have fought it on so many occasions. It's as though I stand between these two doors and I want to shut the one but not without having already opened the other... a safety net, if you will. However, the rule is clearly laid out "only one door can be opened at a time". But you try and try to just have that old door open a smidgen before trusting the new one to open. Then finally, that leap of faith moment when you shut it completely and you hover there in what feels like an abyss only to find the new door open wide with pouring light! And the age old question "why did I fight this for so long?"
So here I am, finding time to blog, kitchen cleaned and laundry on the go, feeling like the queen of my world! I can finally pee normally again, bend over and pick up the plethora of toys around the house without sounding like a walrus, I can sleep on my back again and fit my feet in my shoes. I can run up the stairs without huffing and puffing (by step three) and my world as a mother of five is looking more promising than I knew to imagine.
Now, you'll have to remind me of this post should Sivana discover her lungs and the joys of having mom all to herself in the middle of the night!
But for now, today, at this very moment... all is so good. What a gracious and glorious God to have blessed me as He has. I praise Him with all of my heart and soul. Thank you, Father... thank you for this life you have given me. Amen.
Baby Sivana is almost too good to be true! She nurses every four hours, goes to sleep on her own and sleeps peacefully until her next feeding at which point she lets out a tiny cry and that's it. She nurses BEAUTIFULLY and efficiently (a key to a happy baby, in my opinion) and is such a contented little angel. Last night, she even gave me a SIX HOUR STRETCH!!
Six hour stretch, people! Ethan did not give me that until he was a year old!
Ok, before this post becomes nothing but exclamation marks, I should take a deep breath and remember that it has only been one week. Oh but it has been a blissfully good week! Doh, there goes another exclamation mark...
Had we let the fear of God that we would have another Ethan be the deciding factor on whether or not to have another child, we would have never known Sivana Grace. Thank goodness for wacky ovulation when weaning a child! Hee hee hee! All I can say is that I am very grateful God has taken "control" out of our own hands regarding Sivana, the circumstances of her presence both in the womb and that of her special arrival to the outside world.
Even while I was pregnant with her, I have never been one to reflect and seek inner peace prior to opening my big mouth but somehow while being pregnant with Sivana, I felt a great peace and introspection I have never experienced before. That's one of the reasons we chose Grace as her middle name.
All of it culminated beautifully with my labour and birthing experience with her, too. Pure peace and surrender (ok, maybe not right away but once the process began, all was surrendered).
I am finding myself reflective on that "fight" or struggle prior to surrendering or letting go of control in any or all aspects of life. Even death. For me, it is not death that I fear but that process in between. No differently than as a first time mother, it is not the birth of your child that you fear, but the process of birthing that can be most frightening.
And yet, when the process finally begins, you wonder what you had worked yourself up for so badly in the first place! You wonder, "sheesh, had I not fought this so much and wasted so much energy on this, I would have realized how simple and beautiful this actually is!"
Now I have no idea what the circumstances of my own death will be when that day comes, but I hope that I will not fear it as I have all these years. I hope that the process will be beautiful and that my surrender brings me a peace I never knew to imagine.
And the same goes for any major changes in my life (which some could describe as a sort of death). Letting go of the familiar, the comfortable and embarking upon a new path is always so scary! And I have fought it on so many occasions. It's as though I stand between these two doors and I want to shut the one but not without having already opened the other... a safety net, if you will. However, the rule is clearly laid out "only one door can be opened at a time". But you try and try to just have that old door open a smidgen before trusting the new one to open. Then finally, that leap of faith moment when you shut it completely and you hover there in what feels like an abyss only to find the new door open wide with pouring light! And the age old question "why did I fight this for so long?"
So here I am, finding time to blog, kitchen cleaned and laundry on the go, feeling like the queen of my world! I can finally pee normally again, bend over and pick up the plethora of toys around the house without sounding like a walrus, I can sleep on my back again and fit my feet in my shoes. I can run up the stairs without huffing and puffing (by step three) and my world as a mother of five is looking more promising than I knew to imagine.
Now, you'll have to remind me of this post should Sivana discover her lungs and the joys of having mom all to herself in the middle of the night!
But for now, today, at this very moment... all is so good. What a gracious and glorious God to have blessed me as He has. I praise Him with all of my heart and soul. Thank you, Father... thank you for this life you have given me. Amen.
Friday, 10 September 2010
Amazing Grace...
I have to thank you for the miracle of your prayers. I was shaking so much going in to the hospital, anticipating hours upon hours of erratic and unyielding contractions... fearing the worst.
We began the process and I rested peacefully between slowly growing contractions. I lay there peaceful and welcoming the prayers that brought my body rest. It was truly a beautiful process that I did not even imagine would be happening to me.
My body lay completely relaxed as I merely breathed through each contraction, acutely aware of its workings and the fact that each one was bringing me closer to my baby.
Amazingly, three hours later, we were holding our precious baby girl, Sivana Grace!
She is positively perfect in every way. She weighed 6 lbs 6 oz, nursed like a little pro right off the bat and measured 19 1/2 inches length. She peed right away which was a great relief given her kidney issue. We call her our little peanut as she is just so tiny.
We are thrilled to have welcomed her into our lives even though the timing seemed most intriguing! But she was able to meet Grandma Jacquie who was in from Moose Jaw as well as aunty Diane, Uncle Richard and family (also from Saskatchewan), AND made her presence known at Grandpa Vaags' funeral.
True to the Vaags nature, she was most efficient with her choice of timing!
So without further a due, here is our beautiful Sivana Grace Vaags...
We began the process and I rested peacefully between slowly growing contractions. I lay there peaceful and welcoming the prayers that brought my body rest. It was truly a beautiful process that I did not even imagine would be happening to me.
My body lay completely relaxed as I merely breathed through each contraction, acutely aware of its workings and the fact that each one was bringing me closer to my baby.
Amazingly, three hours later, we were holding our precious baby girl, Sivana Grace!
She is positively perfect in every way. She weighed 6 lbs 6 oz, nursed like a little pro right off the bat and measured 19 1/2 inches length. She peed right away which was a great relief given her kidney issue. We call her our little peanut as she is just so tiny.
We are thrilled to have welcomed her into our lives even though the timing seemed most intriguing! But she was able to meet Grandma Jacquie who was in from Moose Jaw as well as aunty Diane, Uncle Richard and family (also from Saskatchewan), AND made her presence known at Grandpa Vaags' funeral.
True to the Vaags nature, she was most efficient with her choice of timing!
So without further a due, here is our beautiful Sivana Grace Vaags...
 |
 |
| Customize a free ecard |
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Heading in to be induced
Despite our best efforts all day yesterday, no real contractions ever kicked in. It has now been well over 24 hrs since my water has broken & the midwife would like me to come in right away to get hooked up to IV antibiotic and... to get induced.
I have heard nothing but horror stories of induced labours and am trying not to shake profusely as I type this anticipating what this day will entail. Am doing my best to let go of fear, submit to God's will (which is really puzzling me right now) and surrender to this process.
I pray that before the end of this day, we will be holding our precious child and all will be good.
I have heard nothing but horror stories of induced labours and am trying not to shake profusely as I type this anticipating what this day will entail. Am doing my best to let go of fear, submit to God's will (which is really puzzling me right now) and surrender to this process.
I pray that before the end of this day, we will be holding our precious child and all will be good.
Saturday, 4 September 2010
Home Intruder
Now I can elaborate on the details of what happened when Duane was working one of his night shifts this week...
Because I have an overactive imagination, I lock all of our doors the nights that Duane works his shifts at the firehall. My thoughts have gone every place imaginable including scooping up the kids, climbing into the attic and screaming for the neighbours... keeping a knife by the side of the bed... you name it.
My husband does not like any wireless devices in our home and DECT cordless phones are among the worst! But in this old 100+ year old home, you can understand that telephone jacks are few and far between. We do not have one in our bedroom so I have often pleaded with him to let us keep a cordless in our room. His logic? What? EMF's right next to our heads for hours at a time?? I think not!
Sigh.
The day I had taken Anika to Children's Emergency, Duane was scheduled to work a night shift. I was exhausted, Anika was not getting any better and we'd spent the last few nights up with her. Rather than risk having her wake Ethan up with her cries, moans and yelping that she's wet the bed, I decided to have her sleep in the bed with me for that night.
At 3:00 a.m., she woke up with an alarmingly high fever again so I put her in the bath and gave her more advil. When I could see that her eyes were not so glassed over, I took her out and placed her back in bed with me. I have the fan running in our room as a nice white noise and it was working well in filtering out the constant noises Anika was making. However, just prior to either of us falling asleep, I thought I heard the front porch door creaking...
My heart stopped as I jolted up to put my head near the door so as to hear better. Anika yells "MOMMY! WHAT'S WRONG??" As I rush to her to hush her. All our bedroom are on the second floor and the creaking is so ridiculous up there that there will never be worry about our kids "sneaking out" at any point in time! Heck, there are times the creaking has woken them up from nap!!
Here I was, fearful that someone was in our house as it dawned on me the front porch was the only door I forgot to lock! And that the nearest phone was in the bedroom across the landing from ours and there would be no way for me to "sneak by" and get it without notifying everyone in the house (and possibly the neighbours) that I was awake and aware that someone was in the house.
I was getting angry that despite my stupidly over active imagination, I did NOT have a solution procured for THIS scenario!
Then again, maybe I was just hearing things...
Until I heard the creak of the first step on the stairs... and my heart began pounding. What will I do? Do I jump on this person & claw at his face? Do I start screaming now? Do I try to get Ethan and bring him back to our room so I can have my babies locked in the room with me?
Second step creaks...
Finally, all I can think to do is yell "WHO IS THERE???"
And Duane comes rushing up the rest of the stairs to say "It's me! It's me!" And I burst into tears from the relief and release of the fear that had been clutching at me. He spends a few minutes consoling me before it even dawns on me to wonder why he is even home!
And it is in that moment, that my husband looks into my eyes and tells me that his father passed away at 2:00 a.m.
And then different tears begin to flow.
Duane's father suffered a stroke three years ago this past August. We have watched him suffer the effects these last three years and more achingly, we have watched mom diligently stand by his side and care for him day in and day out non-stop seven days a week all these three years. The last two weeks have been especially challenging for him as his breathing was much more troubled and the inability to breath was scary to him... to all of us, really.
Duane shared this news with me not filled with grief but rather filled with compassion and relief that his father was finally freed from his suffering. And the love for his mother shone through, too, in that he was relieved that she would not have to watch her husband suffer anymore either. And the added peace of mind knowing that everyone was there with him at his passing... mom, Duane's four sisters (and two in-laws) and Duane himself.
So our week thus far had been greeted with a very sick child (who is still fighting fevers today, although she was willing to actually eat some food today) and the passing of a great man. But it does not end here.
Last night, my water broke. Three weeks early. And I am sitting here typing waiting for labour to kick in. I have had contractions (especially when going for brisk walks) but they cease as soon as I come back in the house. And because I am exactly 37 weeks pregnant (technically tomorrow), and have NOT been swabbed for strep B yet (was going to at the midwife appointment this Wednesday), the baby is now considered at high risk.
If labour has not properly set in within 24 hrs of my water breaking, I will have to be induced. I have opted for the intravenous antibiotic given the baby's risk for Strep B. I just want this little one to be born sooner than later as I do NOT want to miss my own father-in-law's funeral!
My scheduled midwife took off on holiday this morning so I am going to have a different woman help us out with this process. And our respite worker (who never takes a day off in her life!) booked off for the long weekend and cannot help us with Isabel's care as originally planned... thankfully, Isabel's dad is willing to look out for her but not without letting us know of plans he has had to cancel.
So prayers for a swift and SAFE delivery would be much appreciated. Prayers for Duane's family at this time... prayers for our Anika who is still quite sick despite four days of antibiotics... and prayers that life STOP throwing us these dodge balls all at once!
Hope this finds you all enjoying a slightly less hectic schedule in your own lives at this time! And hopefully the next posting you see will be of our darling little one who has come to join our family!
Because I have an overactive imagination, I lock all of our doors the nights that Duane works his shifts at the firehall. My thoughts have gone every place imaginable including scooping up the kids, climbing into the attic and screaming for the neighbours... keeping a knife by the side of the bed... you name it.
My husband does not like any wireless devices in our home and DECT cordless phones are among the worst! But in this old 100+ year old home, you can understand that telephone jacks are few and far between. We do not have one in our bedroom so I have often pleaded with him to let us keep a cordless in our room. His logic? What? EMF's right next to our heads for hours at a time?? I think not!
Sigh.
The day I had taken Anika to Children's Emergency, Duane was scheduled to work a night shift. I was exhausted, Anika was not getting any better and we'd spent the last few nights up with her. Rather than risk having her wake Ethan up with her cries, moans and yelping that she's wet the bed, I decided to have her sleep in the bed with me for that night.
At 3:00 a.m., she woke up with an alarmingly high fever again so I put her in the bath and gave her more advil. When I could see that her eyes were not so glassed over, I took her out and placed her back in bed with me. I have the fan running in our room as a nice white noise and it was working well in filtering out the constant noises Anika was making. However, just prior to either of us falling asleep, I thought I heard the front porch door creaking...
My heart stopped as I jolted up to put my head near the door so as to hear better. Anika yells "MOMMY! WHAT'S WRONG??" As I rush to her to hush her. All our bedroom are on the second floor and the creaking is so ridiculous up there that there will never be worry about our kids "sneaking out" at any point in time! Heck, there are times the creaking has woken them up from nap!!
Here I was, fearful that someone was in our house as it dawned on me the front porch was the only door I forgot to lock! And that the nearest phone was in the bedroom across the landing from ours and there would be no way for me to "sneak by" and get it without notifying everyone in the house (and possibly the neighbours) that I was awake and aware that someone was in the house.
I was getting angry that despite my stupidly over active imagination, I did NOT have a solution procured for THIS scenario!
Then again, maybe I was just hearing things...
Until I heard the creak of the first step on the stairs... and my heart began pounding. What will I do? Do I jump on this person & claw at his face? Do I start screaming now? Do I try to get Ethan and bring him back to our room so I can have my babies locked in the room with me?
Second step creaks...
Finally, all I can think to do is yell "WHO IS THERE???"
And Duane comes rushing up the rest of the stairs to say "It's me! It's me!" And I burst into tears from the relief and release of the fear that had been clutching at me. He spends a few minutes consoling me before it even dawns on me to wonder why he is even home!
And it is in that moment, that my husband looks into my eyes and tells me that his father passed away at 2:00 a.m.
And then different tears begin to flow.
Duane's father suffered a stroke three years ago this past August. We have watched him suffer the effects these last three years and more achingly, we have watched mom diligently stand by his side and care for him day in and day out non-stop seven days a week all these three years. The last two weeks have been especially challenging for him as his breathing was much more troubled and the inability to breath was scary to him... to all of us, really.
Duane shared this news with me not filled with grief but rather filled with compassion and relief that his father was finally freed from his suffering. And the love for his mother shone through, too, in that he was relieved that she would not have to watch her husband suffer anymore either. And the added peace of mind knowing that everyone was there with him at his passing... mom, Duane's four sisters (and two in-laws) and Duane himself.
So our week thus far had been greeted with a very sick child (who is still fighting fevers today, although she was willing to actually eat some food today) and the passing of a great man. But it does not end here.
Last night, my water broke. Three weeks early. And I am sitting here typing waiting for labour to kick in. I have had contractions (especially when going for brisk walks) but they cease as soon as I come back in the house. And because I am exactly 37 weeks pregnant (technically tomorrow), and have NOT been swabbed for strep B yet (was going to at the midwife appointment this Wednesday), the baby is now considered at high risk.
If labour has not properly set in within 24 hrs of my water breaking, I will have to be induced. I have opted for the intravenous antibiotic given the baby's risk for Strep B. I just want this little one to be born sooner than later as I do NOT want to miss my own father-in-law's funeral!
My scheduled midwife took off on holiday this morning so I am going to have a different woman help us out with this process. And our respite worker (who never takes a day off in her life!) booked off for the long weekend and cannot help us with Isabel's care as originally planned... thankfully, Isabel's dad is willing to look out for her but not without letting us know of plans he has had to cancel.
So prayers for a swift and SAFE delivery would be much appreciated. Prayers for Duane's family at this time... prayers for our Anika who is still quite sick despite four days of antibiotics... and prayers that life STOP throwing us these dodge balls all at once!
Hope this finds you all enjoying a slightly less hectic schedule in your own lives at this time! And hopefully the next posting you see will be of our darling little one who has come to join our family!
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Baby Vaags update
Today is one day before Duane's and my anniversary; however, I am leaving to visit my sister and family out of province tomorrow (and Duane works a night shift) so we decided to go out for lunch just prior to my fetal assessment earlier today.
It was a nice time but in the back of both our minds was the wondering what the fetal assessment would show regarding Baby Vaags' kidney cysts... are they getting worse? Is the kidney deteriorating? Etc...
I thank the good Lord that a pregnant woman is no longer required to have a full bladder for fetal assessments. I mean, seriously, is there a crueler punishment for a woman whose current state (border line loss-of-bladder control) is amplified by some technician squirting hot liquid onto her abdomen and then pushing down all around her ready-to-burst bladder?!!! Sheesh! Thankfully, fetal assessments are far nicer than ultrasound... they even have a bathroom right next to the reception desk!
There I am lying on the oh-so-comfy medical bed (designed for size 2 women) with my tummy flying high in the sky. In comes the technician who does the familiar squirt of jelly onto my tummy (at least this one did not feel the need to comment on my "extra weight!") and there before our eyes is our beautiful Baby Vaags sleeping soundly in my womb.
Our technician is quiet this time as she takes her measurements and our eyes are busy as we try to make out the various shapes being recorded. And then you see the feet kicking... and the heart beating... and the little tummy full of amniotic fluid... and finally, the beautiful little profile with a hand resting over the eyes (just as Duane does when he is trying to nap after a busy night shift). To top it off, the little mouth begins to make a sucking motion. It is all so precious and it just doesn't matter how many times I see my unborn children, I always swell up with pride yet am humbled by the privilege of carrying new life within me.
But we are here for more than just gazing upon our darling unborn child...
Finally, the doctor comes in and takes his own measurements and he asks us to come into his office. That does NOT sound good...
He begins by drawing a diagram of two normal kidneys side by side. They clean the blood and create urine as a means of excreting toxins and waste. The kidneys have a little pocket where the urine collects and connects to a tube that brings it down to the bladder. In Baby Vaags' case, seven weeks ago, they assumed the condition was Multicystic Dysplastic Kidney... basically the little pocket that collects urine lacks a connection to the tubing and therefore creates cysts of urine within the kidney. What they expected to see today were either more and/or larger cysts, and an enlarged & misshapen kidney. What they found instead seemed promising...
Baby Vaags' left kidney is only slightly larger than the right. It is lighter which means it is denser due to some scarring, and the cysts have not increased in number nor in size which leaves them with two conclusions:
1. The left kidney has shut down all together, which is okay because this means the kidney will not continue cleaning blood and trying to rid itself of the leftover garbage only to have it get plugged up with cysts instead, or
2. The left kidney HAS function and the only issue we are facing are plugged ducts.
Basically, my dear ladies and gentlemen, your prayers have found their way to our precious child and the result is a kidney that is either functioning better than we anticipated or has at least stopped getting worse. Either way, we are delighted with these results and could not have asked for a more precious anniversary gift!
So thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of our hearts... from the fullness of my pregnant bladder, even! Thank you for your time and your good intentions, your loving prayers and healing encouragement. They are working and we are forever grateful to you all.
We go back again on August 18th at which point we will eagerly update you all on the progress Baby Vaags has made yet again. The doctor explained that when Baby is born, they will want to insert dye in the blood and watch over live x-ray to see exactly what function is present in the left kidney. It may be as soon as two weeks after Little One is born but if all is going well, we can postpone it a few months.
Let us pray and hope that Baby Vaags will continue to flourish in your prayers. God bless you all out there!
It was a nice time but in the back of both our minds was the wondering what the fetal assessment would show regarding Baby Vaags' kidney cysts... are they getting worse? Is the kidney deteriorating? Etc...
I thank the good Lord that a pregnant woman is no longer required to have a full bladder for fetal assessments. I mean, seriously, is there a crueler punishment for a woman whose current state (border line loss-of-bladder control) is amplified by some technician squirting hot liquid onto her abdomen and then pushing down all around her ready-to-burst bladder?!!! Sheesh! Thankfully, fetal assessments are far nicer than ultrasound... they even have a bathroom right next to the reception desk!
There I am lying on the oh-so-comfy medical bed (designed for size 2 women) with my tummy flying high in the sky. In comes the technician who does the familiar squirt of jelly onto my tummy (at least this one did not feel the need to comment on my "extra weight!") and there before our eyes is our beautiful Baby Vaags sleeping soundly in my womb.
Our technician is quiet this time as she takes her measurements and our eyes are busy as we try to make out the various shapes being recorded. And then you see the feet kicking... and the heart beating... and the little tummy full of amniotic fluid... and finally, the beautiful little profile with a hand resting over the eyes (just as Duane does when he is trying to nap after a busy night shift). To top it off, the little mouth begins to make a sucking motion. It is all so precious and it just doesn't matter how many times I see my unborn children, I always swell up with pride yet am humbled by the privilege of carrying new life within me.But we are here for more than just gazing upon our darling unborn child...
Finally, the doctor comes in and takes his own measurements and he asks us to come into his office. That does NOT sound good...
He begins by drawing a diagram of two normal kidneys side by side. They clean the blood and create urine as a means of excreting toxins and waste. The kidneys have a little pocket where the urine collects and connects to a tube that brings it down to the bladder. In Baby Vaags' case, seven weeks ago, they assumed the condition was Multicystic Dysplastic Kidney... basically the little pocket that collects urine lacks a connection to the tubing and therefore creates cysts of urine within the kidney. What they expected to see today were either more and/or larger cysts, and an enlarged & misshapen kidney. What they found instead seemed promising...
Baby Vaags' left kidney is only slightly larger than the right. It is lighter which means it is denser due to some scarring, and the cysts have not increased in number nor in size which leaves them with two conclusions:
1. The left kidney has shut down all together, which is okay because this means the kidney will not continue cleaning blood and trying to rid itself of the leftover garbage only to have it get plugged up with cysts instead, or
2. The left kidney HAS function and the only issue we are facing are plugged ducts.
Basically, my dear ladies and gentlemen, your prayers have found their way to our precious child and the result is a kidney that is either functioning better than we anticipated or has at least stopped getting worse. Either way, we are delighted with these results and could not have asked for a more precious anniversary gift!So thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of our hearts... from the fullness of my pregnant bladder, even! Thank you for your time and your good intentions, your loving prayers and healing encouragement. They are working and we are forever grateful to you all.
We go back again on August 18th at which point we will eagerly update you all on the progress Baby Vaags has made yet again. The doctor explained that when Baby is born, they will want to insert dye in the blood and watch over live x-ray to see exactly what function is present in the left kidney. It may be as soon as two weeks after Little One is born but if all is going well, we can postpone it a few months.
Let us pray and hope that Baby Vaags will continue to flourish in your prayers. God bless you all out there!
Sunday, 6 June 2010
About Baby Vaags
Some additional news regarding our unborn baby...
At sixteen weeks, I went for an ultrasound only to discover that they wanted me to come back in six weeks to further investigate the solid mass that was appearing where the baby's left kidney should be. May 19th was when we finally got our fetal assessment and we learned that Baby Vaags has several cysts within the peripheral wall of the left kidney. What does this mean? As long as the cysts do not cause any problems (infections, pain, etc...) then they will simply leave it alone. They cannot assess if there is any function in that kidney at this time but the good news is that the right one is perfectly beautiful and working 100%! We have been blessed with many prayers and reassurances from others who know of friends and family members who have lived fulfilling lives with only one kidney.
It is not what we would hope for but my sisters offered me great peace, in particular, my sister Linda who pointed out to me: "God never gives us more than we can handle. He promised us that. So this is a testament to the STRENGTH He has ALREADY equipped your children with who will face a life time of health issues."
WOW!!! Never even thought to look at it that way! To me, it just felt like an innocent, helpless little baby thrown into a lion's den and all I can do is watch helplessly outside this locked cage and pray fervently that the lions are not hungry or perhaps vegetarian!! Instead, that comment helped me realize that no differently than God equipped a small David with a few stones to face a giant Goliath, He has not left my children unequipped to face their health issues...
Isabel, with her toothy grin and gentle disposition. She brings joy to so many people's hearts despite her physical limitations and sufferings.
Ethan with his intelligence will no doubt seek answers or at least be capable of the self-discipline required in keeping himself safe from his many allergies.
And now Baby Vaags... we shall see what character will emerge with this one and how that will serve him/her in the purpose of living life with one functioning kidney. But the comfort is there in knowing God will not leave Baby Vaags defenseless.
And for this mother who cannot yet understand why three of her five children must deal with significant health issues, it is a comfort beyond words that these children rest in His loving hands. And no differently than the way His Will kept Daniel safe in the lions' den, so will He keep these children safe from anything that could destroy them.
I do not have to fight those battles or feel guilty that I cannot. I can seek comfort in our Lord's grace and TRUST that all will be for His glory in the end.
Peace be with you all out there. I have missed you and this feeling in my heart when I finally sit and devote my attention to reaching out and connecting. May you all find comfort in your own battles trusting that as far as you get stretched, someone knows your capabilities better than you do and you are stronger than you think. Much love, ALWAYS!
At sixteen weeks, I went for an ultrasound only to discover that they wanted me to come back in six weeks to further investigate the solid mass that was appearing where the baby's left kidney should be. May 19th was when we finally got our fetal assessment and we learned that Baby Vaags has several cysts within the peripheral wall of the left kidney. What does this mean? As long as the cysts do not cause any problems (infections, pain, etc...) then they will simply leave it alone. They cannot assess if there is any function in that kidney at this time but the good news is that the right one is perfectly beautiful and working 100%! We have been blessed with many prayers and reassurances from others who know of friends and family members who have lived fulfilling lives with only one kidney.
It is not what we would hope for but my sisters offered me great peace, in particular, my sister Linda who pointed out to me: "God never gives us more than we can handle. He promised us that. So this is a testament to the STRENGTH He has ALREADY equipped your children with who will face a life time of health issues."
WOW!!! Never even thought to look at it that way! To me, it just felt like an innocent, helpless little baby thrown into a lion's den and all I can do is watch helplessly outside this locked cage and pray fervently that the lions are not hungry or perhaps vegetarian!! Instead, that comment helped me realize that no differently than God equipped a small David with a few stones to face a giant Goliath, He has not left my children unequipped to face their health issues...
Isabel, with her toothy grin and gentle disposition. She brings joy to so many people's hearts despite her physical limitations and sufferings.
Ethan with his intelligence will no doubt seek answers or at least be capable of the self-discipline required in keeping himself safe from his many allergies.
And now Baby Vaags... we shall see what character will emerge with this one and how that will serve him/her in the purpose of living life with one functioning kidney. But the comfort is there in knowing God will not leave Baby Vaags defenseless.
And for this mother who cannot yet understand why three of her five children must deal with significant health issues, it is a comfort beyond words that these children rest in His loving hands. And no differently than the way His Will kept Daniel safe in the lions' den, so will He keep these children safe from anything that could destroy them.
I do not have to fight those battles or feel guilty that I cannot. I can seek comfort in our Lord's grace and TRUST that all will be for His glory in the end.
Peace be with you all out there. I have missed you and this feeling in my heart when I finally sit and devote my attention to reaching out and connecting. May you all find comfort in your own battles trusting that as far as you get stretched, someone knows your capabilities better than you do and you are stronger than you think. Much love, ALWAYS!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)