And then there were six!

There must be some incredibly potent prayer warriors out there because the transformation that has swept through our home since my last post has been phenomenal!

First and foremost, it was finally revealed WHY I was feeling so out of sorts... we are having another baby!  This wee one is truly just "wee" as I am only six weeks pregnant.  But it absolutely astounds me how instantly I fall in love with the little life growing within me!  The breath of God is at work within my womb once more and the honour is so humbling that tears fill my eyes even as I type these words (and these tears reach even beyond my hormones!).

I thought I would be afraid but this little one's presence has filled me with such peace.  Duane and I had spent the last couple of months debating whether or not to get a vasectomy... and depending on the day, we were short of a pop-in visit at the doctor's!!  There is almost relief in knowing the decision is already made.

And it affirms what I have known in my heart for the last two years... that we were meant to have two more children, a girl and a boy.  Sivana Grace was born and so I am left to believe this is the little boy I "felt" in my heart for two years now.  (Well, we'll certainly laugh at me if we end up having yet another girl!!).  At this point, we are so happy with our beautiful family and pleased with how special each child is that we are truly in a space of celebrating merely a HEALTHY child.  If it's a boy, great... my instincts will have been right.  If it's a girl, great... the good Lord has a true sense of humour!

And if it's twins... well, we just won't even go there!

We have decided to hire a live-in nanny for the next two years.  This will allow the four youngest to stay at home Mondays through Fridays when I make the four hour daily commute driving Isabel to and from school.  I have also decided to register with the YMCA/WCA and to make time for self-care three days a week after dropping Isabel off at school.  I am currently the heaviest I have ever been in my life and I am worried about the baby's well-being so a slow and steady fitness regimen is in store.

Thanks to my mother's help these last two weeks, I have already felt the incredible benefit mentally to taking that time to nurture my well being.

I have also registered Ethan and Anika for swim lessons in the Fall.  This next year is going to be incredibly busy and you may not see much of us as we prepare our home and our lives for our last baby but I feel this is a sacred task and I do not want to take it lightly.

We are in the process of interviewing a potential candidate to come live with us and God has been unbelievably gracious in placing an exceptional young woman in our midst....

She was home schooled from grades 8-12, grew up on an organic farm, is an aspiring musician (who is currently making her own CD), has six siblings PLUS two foster-siblings, believes in natural medicine and best of all, has a powerful heart for God!

You guys know me... I set up a brutally honest profile on www.greataupair.com thinking that no one in their right mind would tackle our family!  But here was this young woman who SOUGHT US OUT!  Can you believe that?  Rather than us finding potential candidates, she CHOSE to register with the website for the sole purpose of reaching us.

If that's not someone pretty exceptional, I don't know what is!

Finances will be tight but God has ALWAYS ensured our every provision and we have been richly blessed with His bounty.

I leave you all on this note.  But I also want you know that something truly mind boggling has come to our knowledge... and it has to do with September 27th.. the eve of the Feast of Trumpets.  Duane and I have a little more research to do yet, but for what it is worth, please read up on the Feast of Trumpets and its theorized messianic significance of representing Christ's return.

In the meantime, I pray for all of you out there with all the love in my heart.  You are my brothers and sisters and I long for our voices to be united in singing God's praises.  His perfection pulls me to my knees and his words resonate through all the universe... even the stars and the planets bow to Him and His every command!  And yet, He knows every hair on your head!  On my head!  All the hairs that will be on this blessed baby's head... incredible!

We will keep you posted!  God bless you all out there!

Wind in my Sail

I was sitting on my veranda just now with my cup of coffee in hand, my heart feeling unsettled and restless.  In fact, it has felt that way for a couple of weeks now.  Right after I posted about going on a near ten-week stretch of being on top of my household tasks, I began to notice a dwindling.  At first, I figured maybe it was just an off day but that lull has been making itself at home and is beginning to overstay its welcome!

So I walked away from a disorderly kitchen this morning with the need to turn my heart to God.  Afterall, those ten weeks were filled with my singing His praise for the energy and self-discipline I felt He was blessing me with.  It felt like an undeniable reward for the complete willingness and surrender of my heart to embrace His appointed time, Passover.

It was so affirming.

But fifty days after passover is Shavuot which perfectly aligns with Pentecost.  While Shavuot was Moses coming down from the mount with God's laws, Pentecost was the gift of the Holy Spirit (the law within our hearts) fifty days after Jesus was resurrected.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Shavuot was fast approaching but instead of turning my heart to His appointed time, I got caught up within my self and what I wanted and watched Shavuot come and go with no special attention from me.  "Oh well, next year I will be more diligent."

It has only been the last few days that I have been connecting the dots and adding up how long I have been feeling deflated and it hit my like a tonne of bricks that my fatigue and sheer exhaustion coincides perfectly with Shavuot.  Could it be??

So my spirit fell to its knees and asked forgiveness for fearing pleasing those of this world over pleasing our God!  His special day had been filled with my attention placed on things and people of this world rather than on Him and the simple commandments He asked of me.

Yes, they are simple.  Far more simple than the complicated webs we weave in this world of proper etiquette in pleasing others!

"Love me and do as I say."

As I sat there just moments ago, a prayer poured forth from me and words flowed through me that revealed so much more than just a questionable unrest.

"Father, I come to you now feeling as though I have lost the wind in my sails.  Forgive me, Father.  Look at the environment around me, the luxuries that I know... the freedom I live!  This is the life of someone who has been richly blessed.  Forgive me that my gratitude is so fickle that I am so easily distracted by my own heart's desires and far too willing to push you to the wayside as I pursue what I want.  In so doing, I turned my back on you at Shavuot.  You did nothing but wait lovingly for me and I did not come.  And now I am restless with missing you and feeling distant.  I know you have already forgiven me so I ask that you help me to forgive myself.  I ask that you help me shed whatever it is that inhibits my sail from rising up and catching wind of your Holy Spirit once more... to propel me forward towards your good and pleasing Will.  Help me to rejoice in my daily tasks and the ABILITY you give me to administer them.  I love you so much.  Thank you for your constant willingness to work on me, to refine me, to believe that I am worth the work.  In Jesus' precious name... Amen."

With that I hopped up and came right to you to confess what I have struggled with these past couple of weeks.  And as I typed about the meaning behind Shavuot, I literally gasped in realizing how much it aligned with my prayer!  The literal feeling of the "wind in my sail" and feeling its absence affirmed the discord with my soul about Shavuot... the giving of His laws, the giving of His Holy Spirit.

Oh how He is gracious and patient with me despite such obvious "connect-the-dot" moments.

So there you have it folks.  I've shed some healing tears and have tasted the freedom of humility from the revelation given to me thanks to the time taken this morning to truly SEEK what has been inhibiting me.  No distractions, just the truth, please.  And He gave it to me in full dose.  Praise be to God!

Once again, I cannot thank you enough for the freedom of expressing my journey and the comfort of knowing you care enough to touch base.  May you feel my love pour forth towards you this morning with the humility of knowing I am your simple servant, ever striving to look outside of just my SELF and to truly reach out with purpose and above all, love.

Not a Jot or Tittle

In delving further into the WHOLE word of God (and starting at the very beginning), our family has come to understand that God's law continues to be relevant in our lives today... not for our salvation (Jesus fulfilled that part), but as our means of "loving God with all of our being". This twenty minute video beautifully sums up what is turning out to be years of searching, studying, testing, etc... to ensure our hearts are truly offered fully to God.


I much prefer those who offer teachings based strictly on scripture and not puffed up egos or accusatory approaches.  That's what I greatly appreciated about this video... it asks thought-provoking questions, presents the opinion with encouragement to challenge it for yourself, and shares the scriptural passages supporting the opinion expressed.


To me, that is far more inviting than some of the others resources we have found (sooo sorry about Michael Rood's approach!).  Hopefully this will be as thought-provoking for you as it was for me!


Heaven & Earth and the Law of God (20 min) from 119 Ministries on Vimeo.

God's promise of deliverance fulfilled again, and again!

It began nearly six weeks ago now...

The last few years as we have approached "Easter", Duane's information on its historical roots would haunt me.  Despite this, I continued resisting letting go of this tradition as it had always been such a rich, family and spiritual time for me growing up.  It represented the death of our Saviour Jesus Christ willingly on the cross and his blessed resurrection for the sake of our souls.  It meant family gatherings, feasts, solemn moments of silence as we dared to imagine our Lord's final moments.  Surely something that has touched me so deeply cannot be bad??

Can you see now why the information Duane first presented to me was met with anger no differently than some of you may be angry with me right now for writing these words?  I was angry that what Easter meant to ME was not a convincing argument in his eyes and that even my own torment was revealing to me its weakness.  That scared me.  Why must the comforts of our faith be challenged??  Why does it hurt so much?

For me, it was because it felt like I had to let go of something that felt so true, so beautiful and secure... it felt like dangling in the midst of nothingness... to doubt for a mere moment... enough to shake me up and not know what was safe to grasp hold of anymore, if anything!

And these words returned to me like a slow drumming chant in the background: discern, discern, discern.

"But what do you mean by that, Father?" I prayed fervently one day.

The answer I felt stir deep within my soul resonated with the following message:

"Be equipped with the knowledge of my Word to know what is of man versus what is of Me.  For those who love Me but who do not know my Truth will be the greatest targets of deception.  Their very love for me will be what is used against them if they follow blindly.  But those who hear my words, and know they come from Me, and choose to obey will know my appointed times and their messages contained therein.  Their faith will be revealed through their obedience."

First step for me in hearing/feeling such a response is to do exactly what preceded it... DISCERN.  Could this truly come from God?  Or are these my own words?  Does it align with scripture?  Or am I being deceived by my very faith?

I tell you there is not enough time in a day to swallow scriptures and devour it with such ravenous appetite!  Thankfully, the few times I could delve into it, it felt as though the very passages I needed to find were revealed to me and the very path I had been resisting was becoming more and more clear.

I wept.  I ached.  I mourned what I have known my whole life.

Feeling like a newborn babe, I studied what was fast approaching and beckoning me like a long lost friend... PASSOVER.

The layers of the story hit me so profoundly this year that it literally pulled me down to my knees in sheer humility of His incredible perfection!  Beginning with the mass Exodus of God's people enslaved in Egypt thanks to the willing heart of Moses and the love of our God... the blood of the lamb marking the doorposts of His people and sparring their lives when the angel of death passed over Egypt... the commandment of this event now being one of His appointed times... the lamb that is to be brought into the homes four days before passover inspected to be perfect and without blemish, to fall in love with the innocence and to cringe at the very notion of something so perfect being destined to be slain BECAUSE of our sins!  Sure makes you not ever want to sin again!  Centuries to follow, the mass of Hebrews bringing their precious lamb to the altar at the temple to begin the slaughtering at 9:00 a.m. on passover... a day filled with the shedding of blood... the sheer solemnity of it, the weight of the burden of knowing something so innocent suffers at your hand!  The high priest saving the last lamb to represent all of Israel to be slaughtered at 3:00 pm where he then spreads his hands for the mass of people to see as he exclaims "IT IS FINISHED!"

This is what was commanded... each of these steps.  And not until the coming of Christ, but for all time.

Centuries later, our precious Jesus came into Israel four days before passover where he was tested, prodded and Pontius Pilot himself "found no fault in this man."  He was flawless... just like the passover lambs.

And then he was placed on the cross at 9:00 a.m. as the lambs were being sacrificed at the Temple and at 3:00 pm, he expired on the cross at the same moment that the lamb for israel was slain.  But not without first proclaiming "IT IS FINISHED!"

Even as I type this, the tears are flowing amply down my face.  I share with you the sheer weight of this humility of this shame and yet this victory on behalf of our Saviour.  Oh how much He must love us!  And why?  Do you look in the mirror as I do and see the very faults that caused him to be nailed to that cross in the first place?  I weep because I dare not fathom WHY He loves me so... why He loves us all so much!

But praise God almighty that He does!

Perhaps it is worth loving one another, too?  Perhaps it should make the task effortless given the weight of the message that He, our very Creator, the one who knows the very thoughts we keep from others, believed us to be precious and worth saving.

Well I tell you, it was with great fervour that I embraced Passover this year.  I felt united as a family (at long last) as Duane and I surrendered to the process of clearing our home of leaven (yeast) and meal planning for a week of unleavened bread to follow suit.  And as I surrendered our home to the process of being cleansed, my every day task was focused on Him... it was beautiful!  To my surprise, that unity extended far beyond our front door as I imagined the thousands upon thousands of homes around the globe sharing in this very task... a unity with which I cannot even describe!

There were two Sabbaths to mark both the beginning and the end of that week and First Fruits to fall therein as well.  Which was another greatly humbling realization...

Jesus rose from the dead at First Fruits... another of God's appointed Times.  "The first portion of the harvest that belongs to God."

Do you see why our family has come to believe that these Appointed Times were indeed created "for all time" by an unchanging God?  For those in the world not observing them, the sheer weight and significance of Christ's death would have just been another guy dying on the cross.  But God ensured that the message of our salvation be declared repeatedly through the institution of Passover as means for us to recognize it... first freed from Egypt and now freed from eternal separation from Him because of Sin.

Oh my dear beloved friends... I know I must sound crazy to you, but I wish I could give you my heart and the very transformation that has happened as I truly desired to seek God's eternal words!  How He must love us that He wants us to "rehearse" these appointed times as though saying to us "If you observe these, you will be equipped to recognize significant world events... and you will be prepared!"

His love continues to astound me.

Would you believe that I have felt greatly rewarded by this surrender?  For six weeks I have had a newfound energy and my home has never been so consistently organized and cleaned!  A joy has budded along with Spring and the first fruits of this energy has given me life beyond my wildest imagination (and that's saying a lot!).

Do you recall a few entries past when I professed my tendency to hoard?  Soon after that, in preparation for Passover, I began a "mass exodus" of clutter and have given away, thrown away large quantities of... well... crap!  What liberation!  And the process has been continuing.

So I come to you this morning with the grandeur of this personal event in my life knowing that some of you may think I am crazy, some of you may even be angry (and that's okay! I was there, too!), and some of you may just ask yourselves if there truly is something more here.  Regardless of what this leaves you with, I offer it to you simply as my own humble process... a journey that is life-long and never-ending... and for my blessed family who may be wondering why I am not the same as I once was, may this bring you peace in knowing I love you from the bottom of my heart and that I feel so blessed that we can rejoice at the journeys each of us lives.

I am humbly your servant, your daughter, your sister, your friend... an honour I thank God for every day.  God bless you all out there and may you feel His love for you today more than ever.  And perhaps for the first time in a long time (or maybe even ever), you can believe that you DESERVE joy, peace, and love!

Autumn Charm & Significance

This has always been one of my favourite times of the year... I have countless poems and other personal writings about the world around me preparing for a winter's slumber death as trees transform into brilliant colour and shed the remnants of summer's dancing leaves.

The wind is different in autumn... as though it knows it bears a new task... one of carrying forth the yellow leaves, enchanting us with the unique sound of rustling and the smell of impending Winter.  The air is crisp with reality and the chill reaches the heart's desire to keep warm and give thanks for the shelter we know.

To me, there is a solemn wisdom to the earth in autumn as it prepares for the inevitable.  You see the odd tree struggling to hold on to its leaves, resisting what is coming, but for the most part, there is a harmony to nature as it surrenders gracefully to this process.  The transition is a humbling one as all that decorates these trees is shed to reveal rawness, nakedness... the very core of what is there.  No hiding...

I love this time of year for the introspection it draws forth from me.  This year in particular, as our family delves deeper into the question "what HAS God asked of us?" we are inspired and in awe at the significance of His "appointed times" and more specifically the many that are found in autumn!  It is as though my heart has known all along of what hinges on the air of Fall based on the "feelings" aforementioned.  Perhaps we all know it to some degree... perhaps we all feel the calling of its significance.

Rosh Hashanah (God's appointed "new year" also known as the Feast of Trumpets) was on the new moon of September 9th.  It marks the beginning of the Holy Days and celebrates the beginning or creation of the world... a spiritual birthday for all creation, if you will.  The blast of the shofar (or trumpet) proclaims its commencement, announces the coming of Holy Days and prepares our heart for the trumpet blast that will announce the second coming of Christ.  It certainly makes one reflect on the validity and indefinite weight to God asking us to observe these appointed times for all eternity.  Perhaps they are appointed because of the many historical events that seem to coincide with them and their eerie connection to why these are appointed in the first place.  It's as though God has designed these markers to "prepare" our hearts and our eyes to recognize when life-changing events are occurring and/or will occur... like a clock whose special time can only be read by those who study to understand them... what a brilliant and loving design!  And then my heart begins to thump in a panic as I exclaim to God "but I want EVERYONE to KNOW how to read this clock!"

And so I offer you my promise to better study and understand these appointed times and to share that knowledge as best I can with all of you!  But in the end, it will depend on you to seek your own understanding and to seal your own connection with God's truth.  My hope is that I can help in some way and share with you that journey of seeking a deeper understanding.  I do not want to observe these festivals just because... I want to observe them because I believe that God has asked me to. 

Yom Kippur was on the 18th which traditionally means "the day of atonement" and "Day of Judgment/Redemption" and lastly, the "Sabbath of Sabbaths".  It is meant to be a day of fasting (except for small children, pregnant and nursing women), cleansing and reflection.  Back in the day, the Hebrew teachings revealed that animal sacrifices were not "enough" to pay for our sins... something was missing as Hebrews 10:4 indicates "For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and of goats should take away sins."  God designed these sacrifices to mean temporary redemption... as though a true sacrificial lamb was yet to come... the One who would make us all clean again... ETERNALLY!  Is it possible that "judgment day" as prophesied in the bible will coincide with this appointed time?  Wouldn't that make perfect sense?  "For the law made nothing perfect, but the bringing in of a better hope did; by which we draw nigh unto God." (Hebrews 7:19).  And is it mere coincidence that judgment day will be proclaimed by the blast of a trumpet... perhaps the Feast of Trumpets only days before the Day of Atonement?  Is this prophetic poetry in all its majesty? Is He trying to tell us something?  Is He trying to TEACH us something?  Is He preparing us to recognize these times?

And sundown on September 22nd marked the beginning of Sukkoth, or "Feast of Tabernacles" where we are called to live in a temporary dwelling for a week of harvest festivities.  Why temporary dwellings?  To represent the temporary dwellings of the Hebrews who were led out of Egypt's slavery to live in the desert for forty years.  To represent God coming to live among us.  And some would suspect, a prophetic preparation for the prophesied "rapture" where God's people are taken up to a "temporary dwelling" prior to the great years of tribulations prior to Christ's return.  Once again... it makes one look at these appointed times with far more awe and respect than a mere "oh these were just things/dates made special for the old times... they no longer apply to us."

The more I make these connections, the more I am shaken by the significance of their TIMELESS application!  And the more I am eager to learn them!

So this autumn posting finds you on a day when our rubber boots are preparing to hibernate for the winter as they bid adieu to a summer that was rich with the need to wear them!  The leaves are collecting at our steps as though daring to remind us of the significance of this time of year both consciously and subconsciously.  May you be richly blessed with vivid colour all around you, crispness in the air and a calling to search within your heart and soul... finding the elements that make you who you are - good and bad - and the promise of an impending Spring of life only moments away!

Prepare your hearts in the way you see others and yourself for it is written in 2 Corinthians 5:10 "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things DONE IN HIS BODY, according to that HE HATH DONE, whether it be GOOD OR BAD."  One could almost deduce that what we have done to others, we will also experience... good AND bad!  Keep that in mind the next time you lose your patience or try to hide from that neighbour of yours who always wants to talk or borrow things they don't always return!  Or when you have a power struggle with a co-worker or treat someone you have never understood (or liked) with an unloving heart.  Be mindful of what you give others whether by the way you speak to them, look at them or don't look at them. 


Shed those leaves and be bare before yourself and God that you may discover a raw love for your fellow brothers and sisters... especially those who challenge you the most!  And be made new again in the glory of God.  That is my prayer for you today... and always.