Music to my ears

The sun has set, the shofar has been blown, the candles were lit and a fresh loaf of challah bread is waiting tantalizingly on the table next to some butter... everything in place to welcome another Sabbath.  I sit and type the sounds of this weekly slice of heaven...

Melina is behind me on the iMac learning to play her ukalale (I think that makes her ultra awesomely cool!).  The strings are being pluked and the sound resonates a merriment that makes me smile.  Honestly, who can be grumpy EVER when a ukalele is being played?

Contrary to the happiness of the ukalale is the sound of Sivana's occasional whines as she continues to recover from nearly five days of high fevers.  But she squeals suddenly in delight as her brother goes racing by using Avalyn's baby walker as a skateboard!

Ukalale, sudden squeals of joy, wheels racing by and the occasional "YES!" from Ethan as he skids around the corner (sigh)... Duane's laughter as he realizes what our son is doing... a laughter that sounds somewhat triumphant like he knows exactly whatever is running through Ethan's veins that makes him try dare-devil tricks with even simple baby equipment!  And now Sivana is crying because her brother decided to skid over her toes!  Papa Bear to the rescue.

I hear Isabel's movie in the background, Finding Nemo, (one of her alltime favs) and I can imagine that Anika is sitting next to her.  She is also recovering from five or six days of high fevers.  She has lost quite a bit of weight but her energy seems to be starting to come back today.

The baby monitor has gone quiet as Avalyn finally settles into her last nap of the day. 

Antoinette is like a ninja weaving in and out of the chaos picking up after the kids, wiping noses (but only the kids'!) and making sure everything is running in order... or as much order as can be found in this house at this stage of our lives.

And then there is the plunking sounds of my fingers on the keyboard.  I am using Duane's PC which is next to my iMac (which is being used by my ukalale-plucking daughter).  And now Sivana is trying to sing with her strumming to "Somewhere over the rainbow."

This is my pot of gold... right here, right now. 

It's been an incredibly long week... nothing accomplished other than holding one or two kids at a time taking temperatures, placing them in cooling baths, trying to make meals, waking up in the night to Sivana vomitting several nights in a row.  May this Sabbath greet us with the holiness He promised us at Creation... its sanctification bringing us reprieve from our labour both physically, emotionally and mentaly.  A time to spend together as family, singing, praying, studying God's word and growing stronger as a family.

My favourite day of the week.

May this Sabbath greet you all out there ready for a reprieve from your own labours.  May you find peace and rest until tomorrow's sundown and beyond.  May you feel Him reaching out to you, whether consciously or unconsciously, and may you meet with Him like a promised weekly date-night! :)  And may you find joy in His love for you, for His creation, because as He saw it, "It is good."  God bless you all out there.

Set Apart

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart" 
Jeremiah 1:5

We are called to be set apart.
We were called to be set apart before we were born.
But how easy is that?  How many of us avoid standing out like the plague?  How many of us give anything, do anything to be "just like everyone else?"

Why are we afraid to do what we were created to do?

The other day, Ethan wanted to hold Avalyn on the rocking chair.  From before she was born, I would "speak" for Avalyn using a high pitched kid's voice so the kids could "talk" to her and she could answer them.  (It's a great way to find out what the kids are really thinking and even more fun to have them feel that the baby is already apart of what's going on long before he/she is out of the womb).  Lately, because everything that comes within Avalyn's reach goes straight to her mouth, when she "talks" to the kids, it involves "Oooh, I like that... but can I EAT it?"

The kids find this hilarious.  If they try to show her a picture they drew, I'll say on behalf of Avalyn "Oh, I like the blue and the purple... can you bring it closer so I can EAT it?"  They laugh and say "Avalyn, you can't eat it!"

So Ethan was happily holding Avalyn and she just LOVES her big brother.  I was right there to make sure Avalyn sat safely on his lap and the conversation began...

"Oh Ethan, I like your shirt."

"Thanks, Avalyn, I like it too because it has red.  I like red."

"Yeah, red is nice.  But can I eat it?"

(giggle)  "No, Avalyn, you can't eat red and you can't eat my shirt.  But someday you'll be bigger and you'll be able to eat real food."

"Can i eat food like you, Ethan?"

"Well, you'll be able to eat food but not the food I have to eat.  My food is different."

"Why is your food different, Ethan?"

"Well, God chose to make me different so I have to eat food that's different from everyone else's."

(GULP)... At this point, I'm wondering who this is more therapeutic for!  Figured we'd keep going with this...

"God made you different?  Do you like being made different, Ethan?"

Here there was a slight pause as I watched my four year old son ponder the question.  And then he looked back at his little sister on his lap and said earnestly:

"Yes, I like that He made me different.  But sometimes it's lonely."

Well, I'm sure you can imagine the tears that welled up in my eyes and I just couldn't play the game anymore.  I hugged my son and said "Thank you, Ethan for being willing to be made different for God.  You are a very special boy and I love you so much.  I'm so sorry it feels lonely sometimes.  We'll always do our best to be there for you.  And I hope that even when you feel lonely, that you remember that God is always with you."

My beloved dear ones... is this the faith of a child that Jesus spoke of?  Is this true willingness of heart to surrender to God's will even when it means walking a lonely road?  What does this say when a child can accept a road set a part for the sake of BEING WITH God?

I tell you, I was greatly humbled.  I looked at my own life and smiled at the moments of fearlessness where I felt set apart, but alone... but gloriously alone.  Alone, not in a way where you are fragile and forgotten, but alone in a way that I would imagine Moses felt when he saw the burning bush and knew that no one else could ever understand this moment.  Alone in the way a bird would rise above a set of clouds and feel as though the Creator Himself could see him.

Yet how many of us fear being alone?  Perhaps we fear that very feeling of being completely exposed to Him?

But He has known you since before He formed you.  Somewhere in time, as God rules it, there was a moment between just you and Him.  It was sacred.  You were set apart in that moment.  I share this post with you, not just because what I witnessed between my son and his little sister touched me so deeply, but because I hope it stirs some deep memory from within... so deep you cannot even place your finger on it.  I pray it reawakens your confidence in WHO you are and WHAT He has called you to do with your life.

Not to be perfect, but to be His.

Not to be afraid, but to be His light... even if it means standing alone.

My prayer for you tonight is that you find peace in the moment your soul was created... to embrace the moments you felt alone in your life and see if your eyes can look back to see HOW He sought you in those moments.  Did you seek Him?  Did you find each other?  If not, revisit those moments with your arms open to receive Him in your loneliness.  Rise above those clouds to where the sun beams embrace you and feel our Father SEE you.  I pray you do not seek comfort in hiding among the popularity of mankind, but rather rejoice in the ways you were set apart.  In Jesus' name... Amen.

Sivana's Purple Friends

Beloved family & friends (those known and unknown),

Many of you are parents.  Therefore you know the pain of witnessing helplessly your own child's suffering.  It is deep, it is solemn, it is humbling.  But how does one describe being witness to their child rising above that suffering to rejoice in life?  Well, you know me... I am never short on words, so here's my attempt at describing watching our darling Sivana discover the difference in what her God-given ears can hear with the help of some "purple friends".

Sivana's purple hearing aids have opened her to a whole new world!  The molds fill the outer ear cavity and the devices themselves loop over the ears.  Both the molds and hearing aids are Sivana's favourite colour... Purple.

When the audiologist put them in her ear, Sivana was tolerant (as the audiologist has stuck many different devices in her ears for all the tests performed so this was nothing out of the ordinary).  Sivana was sitting on my lap when the audiologist turned the hearing aids on.  She then spoke to me and Sivana immediately whipped her head up to look at the lady in surprise.  I laughed and she immediately whipped her head around to look at me with just as much surprise.  I asked her "Sivana, can you hear mommy?" to which she immediately replied with awe, "yeah!"  I signed the following while speaking: "Sivana... Purple friends help your ears to hear.  Do you like purple friends?"  Again she replied "YEAH!!"

These last few days, she has been singing, playing her iPod game called Starfall which has all the alphabet and their phonemic sound and she has been choosing the letters she couldn't hear before and playing them over and over again.

I caught her placing her hand over her mouth to "feel" the "t" sound and she delighted in finally hearing it... Finally understanding the sounds I was making when I'd put her hand to my mouth when she wasn't understanding me.

She is adjusting to hearing herself speak but doing so well!  Even the sound of her footsteps seems to delight her and she stomps around the house.  When morning comes and I hold up her hearing aids, she laughs and runs to me saying "yeah... Pupo fend... Elp ea-uh"

Yes, my darling girl, purple friends help your ears...

I love that she hears her name.  I love that when I whispered "Mommy loves you" by her ear, that she actually heard me!  Such a simple thing but as a parent, you know how much you want your children to KNOW you love them, not just by action but by the comfort of your voice, too.

I thank God almighty for His guidance, for a gut instinct and a pediatrician who listened.  For a brilliant little girl who fights for life with her one kidney and her special ears!

In addition to audiology, we are being referred to SMD (society for Manitobans with disabilities), Ears-Nose-Throat Specialist, and Genetics.  Perhaps we can get a better idea of WHY and exactly WHAT is going on.

For her heart murmur, we see a cardiologist in January.

For her one kidney, we were at Nephrology in mid-December and her blood pressure
readings these last few months are in the 50th percentile so they are happy.  She has grown well and her blood and urine samples came back looking good.  Her one kidney is offering 99.9% overall kidney function!  We praise our heavenly Father for this blessing.  We also celebrate the fact that we don't have to return to nephrology for a whole year! At which point they'll do another ultrasound of the kidney.

Thank you for uniting with us in prayer.  We cherish our babies so much and while my heart aches some days at the challenges my babies seem to face, I rejoice at their strength and love for life.

I love you all so much and thank you for being there.

Ethan on IV antibiotics

I just wanted to let u all know I took Ethan to Children's emergency tonight. His eye has been oozing for a week but swelling since yesterday along with fevers.  You know it's not good when u walk into emerg and the waiting room is packed but they bring u straight in!  It appears to be a skin infection around the eye along with a red nasty left ear.  IV antibiotics for two days.  He was so brave despite being poked three times before finding cooperative vein.  And nothing makes things better than stopping at the firehall to tell dad all about his "adventure".

Sent from my iPhone

Inner Ear and Inner Strength

As some of you know, I have been suspicious of Sivana's inner ears for quite some time, particularly since she was learning how to walk and struggling so much with balance.  I've also noticed her speech developing very differently than all the other kids.  We've been so thankful for sign language as this has been our best means of understanding her.  I've also noticed certain sounds that she does not seem to respond to such as the letter T, S and F... letters typically registered in the higher frequencies.  Even though I try to show her these sounds, she looks at my mouth with confusion and reaches her hand to my lips to "feel" the sound.  That's when I knew something was very different.

So we finally went to see the pediatrician and I asked for a referral to audiology.  Thankfully she took my concerns seriously and Sivana was seen today.

We spent an hour in tests and Sivana did brilliantly.  Different devices hooked to her ears, various speakers used around the room, probes behind and in her ears... she took it all and despite having just turned two, was able to use the methods of testing for age groups 3 and up (said the proud mama!).  Sure enough, by the end of all the tests, all methods showed consistent results that Sivana has mild/moderate hearing loss and will require hearing aids in both of her ears.  Because the hearing loss is in the inner ear, it is permanent. Thankfully, they had a device that showed WHAT Sivana hears so I was able to better understand the severity of her deafness.  


When the technician said mild/moderate, I figured it wasn't too bad, but when she showed me a regular conversation between a man and woman under normal hearing conditions and then under Sivana's conditions, I couldn't hold back the tears...  I could barely understand anything that was said and it was as if I had my hands over my ears.  All those times we thought she was being disobedient... she just couldn't hear us!

The other aspect to this is the fact that the inner ear develops in utero at the same time as kidneys and reproductive organs.  Whatever happened during that gestational stage, it clearly affected her kidney(s) (hence the multidysplastic kidney) and now also her inner ears... I am praying fervently that the Lord safeguards her womb.  

Sivana loves babies more than any other child I have seen!  She carries her own little baby with her just about everywhere she goes.  When I'm nursing, she sits on the couch and "nurses" her baby, too.  Anytime Avalyn is awake, Sivana giggles and stays near her and asks to hold her.  Even at the clinic today, a baby was in her car seat crying and Sivana gasped when she saw the baby and clasped her hands together in excitement and then looked concerned as she realized the baby was crying.

I don't know what the good Lord has in store for our Sivana, but please unite with me in prayer that He bless her womb, whatever that may look like.  Nephrology clinic warned that this was a possibility and that we would begin tests when she is a bit older.  Only time will tell.

The good news, my dear family and friends, is that the technician was greatly impressed with Sivana's ability to communicate given the severity of her hearing loss.  Thank you Signing Time!!!  We are back in four weeks for more tests and fittings for hearing aids.  We pray that the transition to hearing absolutely everything (particularly in this house) is not overwhelming for her.

Her heart murmur is also something the doctor wants to further investigate so we are also being referred to a heart specialist.  I asked the Lord for exceptional children and He gave me exactly that!

Thank you for your support and for uplifting our precious girl in your thoughts and prayers.  I love you all so much.

The Blessed Arrival of Avalyn Hope

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6

"... your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."
Matthew 6:8

These bible verses come to me as I reflect on the gift that was your prayers the day before and the day of my C-section on April 16th.  Like a multitude of prisms dangling before the light of God, your prayers refracted His light into my life and left me suspended in a state of rainbow prisms and resulting peace and serenity.

Because of this, would you believe that I smiled the entire time they were operating?  Fear had little to no room in my heart as I anticipated the imminent arrival of our precious child.  Only moments before, just sitting outside the Operating Room, after the nurse injected me with blood thinners did I shake briefly in anticipation of what was about to take place.

Once in the operating room, my midwife was able to come in with me while Duane had to wait just outside.  The room was buzzing with a handful of medical staff in blue scrubs and the operating table lay before me like a cross... arm rests out waiting to strap me down.  I looked at the faces of the people who would play a part in my baby's arrival and I simply said, "Thank you so much for helping me bring my baby into this world... every one of you."

The young Anesthetist asked me to sit on the edge of the operating table and I held my midwife's hands while I curled my back in anticipation of the needle.  My mind went back nearly thirteen years ago to a similar moment when a student tried to insert the needle in my spine but he kept missing.  The process was excruciating and after several minutes of painful pokes, I had yelled "would someone who knows what their doing please take over??!!"  With that memory flash, I turned to the young man about to poke my spine and confessed "I'm failing terribly at being brave about this part."

To my delightful surprise, he got it on the first try!  I turned to him with a big smile and said "That wasn't bad at all!  You're fantastic!  Oh... I'm starting to go numb..."

They laid me down quickly and they worked fast in strapping my arms and legs, raising a sheet across my chest, placing probes on my chest to monitor my heart, strapping a blood pressure machine to my arm and an oximeter on my finger... I felt my body shifting around as they began washing my belly down and the doctor walked in.  I lay there smiling... To lighten the mood, I piped up again and said "At least you guys have some really pretty lights in here!"

The Anesthetist stayed by my head and was an unexpected support!  Duane was finally let in and sat by my head with a slight look of unease.  He later told me that they let him in just as they had already started cutting me open.  For a firefighter and farmer who has seen his fair share of cuts, slices, and other gory details, I had not expected this unease.  But he admitted that it's very different when it's your wife being operated on.

Within ten minutes, we heard the cries of our precious baby and the announcement "It's a Girl!"  To which I turned to Duane as the tears just started to flow at the glorious and much anticipated sound of her beautiful presence and said "That little stinker!  "He" was a girl all along!  It's our Avalyn Hope!"

Another ten minutes came and went before Avalyn was brought to Duane and as he showed her to me and I soaked in her dark hair and dark eyes, I exclaimed that one finally looked like me!  She reminded me so much of my own baby pictures.  It took another twenty minutes before they were done sewing me back up and I was taken to the recovery room.  There I was able to hold Avalyn despite a bunch of wires inhibiting the real connection... IV, blood pressure monitor, and an overwhelming sense of nausea... not exactly the recipe for an amazing bonding moment.

But bonding we did and a successful attempt at nursing.  The very image I had focused on... holding my precious child while nursing... looking into her little eyes and seeing every little perfect detail God took the time to make... all of it was right there... finally.

It was finally real.

And so was the vomiting that ensued!  Ah yes, despite the moment being short lived, it was sacred nonetheless.  And so it is that you have played a special role in Avalyn's arrival through your prayers.  Gratitude spills forth in such measure that I cannot tell you in words what your prayers did to uplift me... to calm my every fear.  We are honoured to have you celebrate with us our precious Avalyn Hope... our "Beautiful Breath of Life".

123, ABC and Igneous Rock

At long last, I stopped debating on whether homeschooling was a good idea or not and finally decided to try.  I know my heart's desire was to do this, no questions asked, but my concern was finding the time to do it!  Particularly given HOW I like to do things... thoroughly!  Sometimes painfully thoroughly!  After some research and consulting with other respectable home-schooling families, we decided on Sonlight which is a Christian-based curriculum.  And with Ethan being quite advanced for his age, we were comfortable combining Ethan and Anika in the kindergarten program.

We are now five weeks in and I have had to double check and make sure I did in fact, buy the kindergarten curriculum!  We have covered numbers, alphabet, word families, continents, and now in science, we have covered weather, cloud formations, how air moves (both hot and cold) and two of the three main rock formations: igneous and sedimentary.

Duane has walked in from the fields on occasion, has glanced up at the white board and has shaken his head saying "The kids are going to be smarter than me by next week!"

I have to admit, I am LOVING this!  What a difference it makes to KNOW what the kids are learning and to make reference to it in everyday life.  It makes the whole day a learning experience, and fun.  I can't believe how much I am learning right along with them!  The trouble is not staying up too late by myself learning more about these topics because I become so fascinated by them.

But the best part is starting our day off with our bible stories.  The kids get small white boards and they draw key parts of the story as I read it to them.  Ethan particularly loves the story of Jacob and Esau because he loves drawing red hair all over Esau!  He also loves Jacob's dream with the ladder up to heaven because the ladder looks just like one at a firehall.

Sivana, having just turned two, has to be right in there with her own little white board and she randomly stands up on her chair and proclaims "I DID it!"  Too cute!

Although I ache for some "me" time and the opportunity to write, I have to smile in appreciation for the fact that while I cannot write as I long to, my true heart's desire is being fulfilled... to be a mom and a teacher.  If it wasn't for Antoinette's help, I don't think I could have tackled this so we thank God daily for her presence in our lives and her adamant support in the values of homeschooling.

I hope to at least have a chance to write a quick update on everyone in the family and post their beautiful fall pictures.  All in good time, right?  All in good time. 

For now, suffice it to say that while life is incredibly busy, we are celebrating it (most days) and loving the blessing of our "full" house.  Our cup runneth over, indeed!  Tonight, may this prayer reach out and find you all... that the Lord may bless you and pour forth His grace upon you... that you may feel relieved by His love, renewed by His presence, and in constant awe of His creation... right down to igneous rocks!  Much love and God bless!

My Favourite Boys

What joy and peace in my heart this Sabbath sitting on the veranda and watching my two favourite boys chatting about firehalls, with Avalyn squealing with joy on my knee and Anika pushing a giggling Sivana on the swing. Melina's in the house playing guitar and Isabel lets out an occasional happy squeal from her room where she watches her favourite movies.

Life is good, my friends... Life is good.

My 1st Thumb Sucker!

Tea Time!