Dream: The Fortress and the Tree

It began with cold water at my feet... about mid-calf... all around.

I was walking through it, the gentle swooshing sound with each step.  The water was so crystal clear... and then a word: "pristine".  It was as though the water had come from a glacier or mass of ice... a purity from long ago.  The view spanned out and it appeared as though I was in a valley yet high up somewhere... like the mouth of a volcano?  Or a valley within a mountain?  As I walked, there were others also walking towards a concealed fortress built within the rocky mountain halfway up one of its peaks.  It was so brilliantly built into the rock that one could have easily missed it.

But to my amazement as I walked, there in the middle of this valley to behold was the tree!  Never in my life have I seen such a majestic tree!  Its height was immeasurable.  I could not see its top.  One would think it grew to the height of heaven!  Its trunk was so thick and wide, it must have spanned meters upon meters... it took some time to walk past it.  It was dripping with water as though the tree had been hidden within ice all this time and was finally recently exposed.  And then its leaves... oh dear me, the leaves fully established glistened like little mirrors, an illustrious hidden treasure, as though they themselves bore a silver-lining.  The tree bore no fruit in its newness, but one could only imagine when it would!  Everyone who walked by it towards the fortress walked in complete silence and awe.  All that could be heard was the drip of water and the swooshing of gently walking through it.

Once arrived at the fortress, half-way up just prior to entering it, I looked back at the beautiful tree and smiled in awe.  It stood there almost as if it was a faithful witness to the rock fortress!  Inside the fortress, the masses were being "sorted" and assigned into rooms.  I began to feel a bit afraid like something really big was going on and the dark cool "gothic" feel of the fortress was not comforting.  I was brought to a door I was to go through and once I did, it opened up at the top of a large hall.  The span of the space was easily assessed and I choked back my shock as I realized I was in a room with murderers, thieves, convicts... prisoners.  The murmuring of the room stopped as everyone looked to the newest addition.  Was this my spiritual "classification"?  Despite trying to live as a servant of God, has my blindness prevented me from seeing that I am a murderer, a thief, a convict?  What was the fate of these men?  What was mine?  Heartbroken, I looked at the stairs that would bring me down to join them, but before I could take my first step, I awoke.

I don't remember how many years ago I had that dream, but sometime in the last seven.  With the key words made known, I looked up their definition:

Pristine (adjective): belonging to the earliest period or state; in perfect condition, completely clean, fresh; not changed by people, left in its natural state; not spoiled, corrupted or polluted; fresh and clean as if new.

Could this mean the tree came from and was preserved in something from long, long ago?

Illustrious (adj): notably or brilliantly outstanding because of dignity or achievements or actions. 

Silver lining (noun): something good that can be found in a bad situation, a consoling or hopeful prospect.

Could this mean that something about the leaves refers to the tree's deeds/actions which somehow shine a light of consolation and hope?

Gothic: style of writing that describes strange or frightening events that take place in mysterious places; or style of architecture in Europe between 12-16th century.

Could this mean the rock fortress is a mysterious place?  Is it a spiritual place because it was not easily perceived?

A few years later, I watched the movie "The Book of Daniel" (one of my favourite movies!!).  In the movie, King Nebuchadnezzar also had a dream about a tree.  I nearly jumped out of my chair as he described it:

"I saw, and behold, a tree in the midst of the earth, and its height was great.  The tree grew and became strong, and its top reached to heaven, and it was visible to the end of the whole earth.  Its leaves were beautiful and its fruit abundant..."  (Daniel 4:10)  

WOW!!!  So I decided to do a word search on tree and fruit throughout the scriptures and was in awe of the following verses.  Here, the prophet Ezekiel has been describing the third temple that is to be in place in the end times and note what is seen:

"Then he brought me back to the door of the temple, and behold, water was issuing from below the threshold of the temple towards the east (for the temple faced east).  The water was flowing down from below the south end of the threshold of the temple, south of the altar.  Then he brought me out by way of the north gate and led me around on the outside to the outer gate that faces toward the east; and behold, the water was trickling out on the south side.  Going eastward with a measuring line in his hand, the man measured a thousand cubits and then led me through the water, and it was ankle-deep.  Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was knee-deep.  Again he measured a thousand, and led me through the water, and it was waist-deep.  Again he measured a thousand, and it was a river that I could not pass through, for the water had risen.  It was deep enough to swim in, a river that could not be passed through.  And he said to me, "Son of man, have you seen this?"  Then he led me back to the bank of the river.  As I went back, I saw on the bank of the river very many trees on the one side and on the other... And on the banks, on both sides of the river, there will grow all kinds of trees for food.  Their leaves will not wither, nor their fruit fail, but they will bear fresh fruit every month, because the water for them flows from the sanctuary.  Their fruit will be for food, and their leaves for healing."  (Ezekiel 47:1-12 Water Flowing from the Temple)

Compare that with the vision John had in the last book of the bible, Revelation:

"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city, also on either side of the river was the Tree of Life with its twelve kinds of fruits, yielding its fruit each month.  The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations."  (Revelation 22:1-2 The River of Life)

What I saw in those leaves was not an emitting of its own light (self glorifying), but little mirrors that testified to the validity of the True Light.  This was the consolation and hope!

Yeshua spoke about the Salt of the Covenant (Lev 2:13, 2 Chr 13:5, Num 18:19) referenced from Torah (Law of Moses) on several occasions.  In fact, He said that if we weren't the walking evidence or saltiness of that covenant, we were no longer good for anything.  Makes sense doesn't it?  If we aren't living out lives of faith that declare and proclaim that every single word that has proceeded from the mouth of God (including His law) is truth, how can we be the salt of His covenant?  Yeshua then compared this very saltiness (covenant faithfulness) as a light and concluded with this:

Let your light (covenant faithfulness) shine before men in such a way that they may see your good deed (covenant faithfulness in action) and moral excellence and glorify your Father who is in heaven.   (Matthew 5:16)

This is immediately followed by Yeshua validating the truth of the Law and Prophets!  And He warns that anyone who relaxes the least of the law will equally be considered least in the kingdom!  He then confirms that anyone who DOES the law and prophets (covenant faithfulness in action) and TEACHES the Law and Prophets will be called great.  These have remained "salty."  Their obedience from the heart to the Father:
a) imitates/reflects Yeshua's own obedience from His heart to the Father, which
b) becomes the evidence of Yeshua and His righteousness within us
This faith in God's covenant faithfulness becomes a hope... a brightness!  But not a light that is their own... one that humbly and faithfully reflects (points back) to the True Light that is eternal and unchanging.  A brightness/faith that causes its seers to believe and to seek out its source... the Father!  This is the healing of the nations!!!

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.  (Psalms 1:1-2)

And so I am left with only one of those dreams I rarely get that become imprinted... it does not leave my spirit.  I wake up wondering why it stands apart.  Perhaps for no reason at all, but for this dream to come prior to my reading the scriptures, seems too strangely similar!  Who is the tree?  When will it bear fruit?  Who were those prisoners?  Was I there among them because that was where I belonged or were all of them waiting for something?

So I did a word search on "prisoner" and was surprised to find that Paul and some of the Apostles referred to themselves as "prisoner for Christ" and/or "prisoner in Christ."

"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God..."  (2 Timothy 1:8)

"For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit, in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly did not obey..."  (1 Peter 3:18-20)

"Some [souls] sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons, for they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High... Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress."  (Psalms 107:10-11 & 13)

"I am the LORD; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness."  (Isaiah 42:6-7)

"For the LORD hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners."  (Psalms 69:33)

"the LORD looked at the earth, to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die."  (Psalms 102:19-20)

So there you have it, my dear brothers and sisters.  Either a good story, an intriguing mental processing of my brain while sleeping, or something from the LORD.  Thankfully, He is the God who reveals mysteries where there is one to be revealed.  For now, may we all look forward to the living water promised to flow from His heart and the healing of the nations from the Tree of Life!  God bless you all!!

Feasts of YHWH vs Traditions of Men Part 1: It's About the Heart

It's that time of year again... the holiday season.  It has become a unique time for our family.  A few years back, the LORD lead us (despite my reluctance) on a journey of questioning the origins of Christmas: is it a festival that honors Him or ironically, deceptively blasphemes Him?  It was a painful journey... a reluctant journey, but one that revealed the stubbornness of my heart and led us out of one form of worship into another we never dreamed existed in such radiance.

These next few posts are going to be about that journey... one that is not yet complete but that continues to humbly reveal where our own hearts are at towards YHWH.  Don't worry, you don't have to agree or disagree, I simply invite you to walk alongside me as I share with you the stumbling blocks I did not anticipate finding.

I find it fascinating (now) to discuss this topic with anyone who is willing, and my heart goes out in understanding and compassion to the challenge of objectively discussing/questioning what is so deeply ensconced in our hearts, our families, and ultimately our culture and worship.

My journey did not begin with my heart set on putting Christmas to the test.  My journey began when I realized my heart was NOT WILLING to put it to the test!

I don't even remember who it was who called my attention to the possibility that Christmas could be a brilliant deception, but I sure do remember my anger and indignation!  How on earth can you call a festival that promotes a spirit of giving, a spirit of peace and reunion, family and joy... how can any of that be called "evil"?  I was so offended!  Thankfully, I remember this as I try to encourage others to "test" Christmas.  Of course there's going to be anger and indignation and offence.  I get that.  I was exactly there!  I think experiencing those feelings IS the first step!  But what pierced my heart was a simple question:

If God said to me, "Rita, Christmas and Easter are an abomination in my sight," would I be willing to give them up?

I tried to convince myself that I would.  But here I was in the potential moment of exactly that... and was I willing to listen?  You know what I found out my truthful answer was?

No, I was not willing to give them up.

And that was my first moment of realization, something wasn't right.  After all, if my heart is in the full knowledge that it is TRUTHFULLY and beyond a shadow of a doubt a perfectly holy holiday, wouldn't I be EAGER to test it?  Wouldn't I be CONFIDENT in testing it?  Why was I unwilling?  What did my heart know that it wasn't letting me in on?

So I did start examining the roots of December 25th and they shocked me.  Then I caught myself trying to find articles that justified keeping the festivals regardless of their origins!  So in the spirit of still wanting to cling to it for dear life, I moved from resisting to justifying and pleading with the LORD as He gently and patiently kept nudging me through my learning.  I protested, "But that's not what it means to ME!  Isn't it about what I make of it?  Does the history really matter?  Isn't faith all about the fact that we can take what was once evil and baptize it?  Turn it into something good?  Isn't that the heart of Your gospel message?  Isn't it about what's in MY heart that counts?"

And the LORD answered, "It has everything to do with what's in your heart." 

Aha!  See?  Yet... why is it that His answer suddenly did not leave me feeling reassured?

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it?"  (Jeremiah 17:9)

What??  Gulp!  So basically, all this "follow your heart" and "be true to your heart" could actually be leading us into the kind of deception where we don't even know to question ourselves?  So this really is about the heart and whether or not we are willing to examine/expose it to the light!  Are we willing to ask ourselves if we have been deceived?  Do we want to be free from our heart's deception?  No wonder Paul warned us that we are to "test ourselves in the faith!"  (2 Corinthians 13:5)  If we don't, we risk being ensnared by our own heart, an unsuspecting slave in Egypt!  This is nothing new to the plight of humanity!

"Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the LORD!"  (Lamentations 3:40)

Sometimes I do way more talking to God than being quiet and listening.  Okay, more like most of the time!  But suddenly He reminded me of the depth of this newfound troubling truth and why willingness and action on my part was a must: "I am the God who searches mind and heart." 

"Know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought."  (1 Chronicles 28:9)

"And all the churches will know that I am He who searches mind and heart, and I will give to each of you according to your works."  (Revelation 2:22)

"I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."  (Jeremiah 17:10)

"O LORD of hosts, who judges righteously, who tests the heart and the mind."  (Jeremiah 11:20)

Okay, okay, LORD!  You've made your point!  Everything about me is fully exposed to You... every thought, every intent of my heart behind my actions, everything.  Nothing is hidden from You, which is both strangely reassuring and yet terrifying!!  But what are You testing for?

"And you shall remember the whole Way that the LORD your God has led you... that He might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not."  (Deuteronomy 8:2)

"Then the LORD said to Moses, 'Behold, I am about to rain bread from heaven for you, and the people shall go out and gather a day's portion every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in my law or not."  (Exodus 16:4)

And LORD, what are you searching for?  What is supposed to be in our heart?

"You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul."  (Deuteronomy 11:18)

"These words that I command you today shall be on your heart."  (Deuteronomy 6:6)

"This commandment that I command you today is not too hard for you, neither is it far off... But the word is very near you.  It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it."  (Deuteronomy 30:11 & 14) 

But YHWH, if the heart is deceptive above all things, what do you find in our hearts, unbeknownst to us?

"But this command I gave them: 'Obey my voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be my people.  And walk in all The Way that I command you, that it may be well with you.'  But they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and the stubbornness of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward."  (Jeremiah 7:23-24) see also Jeremiah 11:8

"They [false teachers] say continually to those who despise the word of the LORD, 'It shall be well with you'; and to everyone who stubbornly follows his own heart, they say, 'No disaster shall come upon you.'"  (Jeremiah 23:17)

"But this people has a stubborn and rebellious heart; they have turned aside and gone away."  (Jeremiah 5:23) see also Isaiah 46:12

"They should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God."  (Psalms 78:8)

"This evil people, who refuse to hear my words, who stubbornly follow their own heart..."  (Jeremiah 13:10)

"'Return (repent), every one from his evil way, and amend your ways and your deeds.'  But they say, 'That is in vain!  We will follow our own plans, and will every one act according to the stubbornness of his evil heart.'"  (Jeremiah 18:12)

"Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn."  (Deuteronomy 10:16)

"They made their hearts diamond-hard lest they should hear the law and the words that the LORD of hosts had sent by his Spirit through the former prophets."  (Zechariah 7:12)

Abba!  I never sought to be rebellious towards you!  I didn't seek to be stubborn!  If this is the natural state of our hearts towards you and your ways, and we are blind to it, then we as your people are in desperate need of a heart transplant!!  What hope can we possibly have regarding our diamond-hard hearts of stone towards you?

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.  And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules."  (Ezekiel 36:26-27)

"And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them.  I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them.  And they shall be my people, and I will be their God.  But as for those whose heart goes after their detestable things and their abominations, I will bring their deeds upon their own heads, declares the LORD God."  (Ezekiel 11:19-21)

"For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts."  (Jeremiah 31:33 and quoted in Hebrews 10:16 & 8:10)

"At that time Jerusalem shall be called the throne of the LORD, and all nations shall gather to it, to the presence of the LORD in Jerusalem, and they shall no more stubbornly follow their own evil heart."  (Jeremiah 3:17)

"The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice.  The law of his God is in his heart; his steps do not slip."  (Psalms 37:30-31)

"I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."  (Psalms 40:8)

"Listen to me, you who know righteousness, the people in whose heart is my law."  (Isaiah 51:7)

"When Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do what the law requires... they show that the work of the law is written on their hearts... So, if a man who is uncircumcised keeps the precepts of the law, will not his uncircumcision be regarded as circumcision?  Then he who is physically uncircumcised but keeps the law will condemn you who have the written code but break the law.  For no one is a Jew who is merely one outwardly, nor is circumcision outward and physical.  But a Jew is one inwardly, and circumcision is a matter of the heart, by the Spirit."  (Romans 2:14-15 & 26-29)

"For we know that the law is spiritual... For the mind that is set on the flesh (uncircumcised) is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed it cannot."  (Romans 7:14 & 8:7)

And with that, our Gracious Heavenly Father revealed to me the hidden battle of my heart in resisting His ways through justifying myself in my own.  My ways were higher to me than His ways.

"There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death."  (Proverbs 14:12 & 16:25)

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice."  (Proverbs 12:15) 

But what are "His Ways?"

"He [the LORD] made known His Ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel."  (Psalms 103:6-7)

"Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the LORD your God, walking in His Ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses."  (1 Kings 2:2)

"I have kept His Way and have not turned aside.  I have not departed from the commandment of his lips;  I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food."  (Job 23:11-12) 

So my dear ones, the first step in this journey was not about the historical truths of Christmas... It had everything to do with whether I was willing to consider and accept the possibility that I was wrong in my worship of Him!

So Rita's Stumbling Block #1:
1.  Do I want to know if I am wrong?  (That was the toughest one)
2.  Am I willing to let go of my justification, my ways and to seek out and submit to His?
3.  Am I willing to let go of what I cherish (maybe even idolize?) if God reveals to me it is sin?
4.  Am I willing to pick up my cross and die to myself?
5.  Do I want a heart transplant?  A true baptism of casting off what I have loved in order to become new?

These are tough questions, especially when you don't think there is anything wrong with how you're worshiping God!  It's one thing to be the Prodigal Son aware of the conscious decision to leave the Father to seek after the ways of the world, but it's another when you think you're the son who never left... only to find out you ARE the Prodigal Son!!  The worst kind of "lost" is the kind where you don't even know you are.

And that is deception.

The heart is deceitful above all things... So I lovingly encourage you to embark on that painful journey of asking yourself those same questions and inviting God to expose your own heart, to bring it to His light, so as to find out where you are being resistant and stubborn towards Him without even realizing it.  And don't worry!  He is the most gracious and patient teacher!!  Don't ever forget that while He knew full well our stubbornness and filth, He loved us deeply... even unto death.  So if our Holy God is not intimidated by our filth, neither should you be.  He is a gentle and lowly Shepherd whose sheep follow Him willingly, He never drives us.  He is mindful of your pace, and reveals to you His great love and mercy in how He waits for you.

Indeed, this has always been about the heart!  It is our hidden Egypt.  Is it willing to forsake its own way (a deceptive slavery) to follow Yeshua out of Egypt, to be led through the Red Sea of baptism, to partake of the bread of heaven, and be brought near the Mount of God to be taught His ways as a people redeemed from their old ways?  Baptism isn't about taking our golden calves of Egypt and saying that because we now uphold them in the name of Jesus, they are now good.  Baptism is about shedding the old ways, casting our once-treasured idols into the fire, and becoming a NEW creation.  One that doesn't look back to the ways of the Egypt we've been freed from.  God bless you all out there, my brothers and sisters!  See you in part 2 (God willing!).

Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when it shall no longer be said 'As the LORD lives who brought up the people of Israel out of the land of Egypt,' but 'As the LORD lives who brought up the people of Israel out of the north country and out of the all the countries where he had driven them.'  For I will bring them back to their own land that I gave their fathers.  Behold, I am sending for many fishers, declares the LORD, and they shall catch them.  [But] afterward I will send for many hunters, and they shall hunt them from every mountain and every hill, and out of the clefts of the rocks.  For my eyes are on all their ways.  They are not hidden from me, nor is their iniquity concealed from my eyes."  (Jeremiah 16:14-17)

And he [Yeshua] said to them, "Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men."  (Mark 1:17)  

"Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law!  I have chosen the way of faithfulness... I will run in The Way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!  Teach me, O LORD, The Way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end."  (Psalms 119:29-30 & 32-33)

New Van Modification for Izzy

Hello out there!

As I mentioned in my last post, this past Spring, it was made evident that a new method of transportation was needed for the well-being of Isabel.  The breaking of her femur was a huge motivating factor to bite the bullet financially and go buy a brand new van to get modified with a wheelchair lift.  It is a $26,000 modification but our van should be coming back to us next week sometime.  It has been gone since December.  Thanks to some of my family's encouragement, I setup an account with GoFundMe.com in the hopes of sharing our story with others out there.

We have been greatly blessed with $16,000 of funding towards the $26,000 modification so our goal is to seek help for the remaining $10,000.  It is a very humbling thing to ask for help... who am I kidding?  It sucks to ask for help.  But the one amazing thing I have learned in those moments is that people are gracious, compassionate, and understanding.  More humbling than asking is the eagerness to help we have witnessed first hand.

So this is an invitation to join us in prayer that the LORD bless this process as He sees fit.  We have a roof over our head, food on our table, clothes on our backs and the freedom to love the LORD... as far as our basic needs go, we are richly blessed!  Anything above that is sheer blessing!

And my prayer for you?  That you be richly blessed as we have been and more!  That your every need be met by our Father who looks after each and every one of His children.  God bless you all!

How Time Flies By

Hello dear ones!  It is my delight to share with you the milestones and daily happenings of our family life.

Something I have not had the chance to blog about is the wonderful news that our son, Ethan, has been challenging some of his many allergies... and passing them!  By challenging them, I mean that bloodwork confirmed low risk of anaphylactic reaction; therefore, under medical supervision in a doctor's office over three to four hours, we let him eat the "potential allergen" and monitor for any reaction.  Thanks to these challenges, Ethan was able to break bread with us on Sabbath for the first time several months ago!  Duane and I would sit and stare at Ethan as he ate bread... it was mind-boggling!  Making him toast for breakfast had every alarm bell going off "Mayday!  Mayday!  Allergen!  Allergen!" only to set it on a plate in front of him for his nourishment.  Astounding!  We have challenged (some by accident at home) butter, gluten, eggs, dairy, tomatoes, mustard, garlic and he has passed all of them!!  He is partaking of almost every meal and it is a joy I cannot properly express.  He turned seven this fall and is just as funny as ever.  The other day, my Mom poached him some eggs and he asked for seconds.  My mother said "you're a hungry boy" to which Ethan replied "well, I am fond of eggs you know."  My mother kept a straight face and added "especially these farm-fresh eggs from your farm."  "Yep" said Ethan "these are chicken-layed."  Both Ethan and Anika are taking violin lessons and is it ever fun to watch them grow in this skill.

Anika is turning nine very soon and is becoming more of an eager helper.  She and Ethan collect the eggs daily, wash them and put them away.  They are helping out with rinsing dishes, loading the dishwasher and clearing it.  They're even making their own breakfasts!  I can see the internal battle with Anika who knows she is getting much older yet misses the days when she could easily be thrown into the air, bounced on our knees or carried up the stairs like a baby.  She continues to be my law-abiding-citizen keeping us all in check with what the rules are and ever-ready to let me know when her siblings are not keeping to the rules!  She helps to hold us accountable, that's for sure.  This fall, we completed a full annual Torah cycle with Ethan and Anika and have begun our second year.  It has been a beautiful thing to see their eyes opened to understanding things in the Scriptures that cannot be revealed by flesh and blood.  What greater gift can a mother ask for?

Sivana is starting to read even though she has just turned five.  She loves sitting with us for the first part of the Torah portion, reading the first two lines.  I am excited for the day when all four of my youngest can read aloud with us every Sabbath.  Sivana is an artist at heart and it's fun to view the world through her optimistic eyes... ever trusting the good in people.  Sometimes I have been rebuked for being ignorant or naive about this world but even in the face of those who have harmed me most in my life, I have seen their suffering hearts more than my affliction... It's as though I see everyone's wounds and how they are trapped and bound by them and this keeps their hurtful actions from being a personal offense.  I see this same attitude in Sivana.  Sometimes, it will mean being betrayed, but we have not been called to love those who are easy to love... but rather we have been called to love those who make it difficult to love them.  Sometimes, I will overhear Sivana talking to herself about how much she loves Yeshua (Jesus) and when I see her open heart towards everyone, I see His love in her.  Even adults who come to teach Sivana in our home talk about her nurturing nature and the joy it brings to them.  That is our Sivana.

Where Sivana trusts and loves everyone, it is hilarious to see the stark contrast in Avalyn who suspects and watches everyone as though she is on guard!  She is not easily swayed!  Her determination and stubborn will has us hopeful to guide these towards becoming a strength and not a weakness.  She is the one who refused to turn upside down in my womb and had to be born by c-section.  Her obedience is among the hardest of the kids to submit so I know to acknowledge her efforts when she has willingly set aside her own strong will in order to abide by a command or instruction given to her.  I pray that she continue to grow in the joy of this difficult task and that she be comforted in her trust in us.  I suppose strong-will and stubbornness has always boiled down to trust.  Avalyn does not trust easily but when she does, it is a great gift!  Her voice is so unique and her speech is so advanced.  She is hilarious, much like Ethan, and often has us laughing about something on a daily basis.  Her hugs are the kind that melt right into you... she is a darling gift!

Isabel is turning seventeen in May.  Last Spring, a terrible thing happened.  As I was transferring her from the Bruno Turn Seat in our van to her stroller, my hands slipped and her leg collided with the stroller.  She cried briefly as I comforted her and checked her over but that was it.  I was dropping her off for a respite stay over at a special facility who cares for special needs kids.  Two days later, they called and asked if her left thigh was typically twice the size of her right one.  Um... No!  X-rays showed a broken femur!!  Off to Children's Hospital where they confirmed that the break was low enough that surgery was not required.  Praise be to God!  But you can imagine how horrible I felt!!  Here we are with a major main-floor house addition built for wheelchair accessibility, ramps and all, with a lift system in her bedroom as well as a modified van.  Talk about trying to be fully equipped to minimize any injury possibilities... yet I still manage to break my daughter's femur!  Surely the good LORD had a purpose in this affliction in our lives.  Well, my dear ones, after this incident, Duane and I decided to buy a brand new van to be shipped off to Montreal, Canada to be fully modified with a ramp.  It is a $26,000 modification.  Oy!  We submitted an application to a funding agency who reviewed our file.  Approval can sometimes take up to two years so we were very nervous; however, they said that due to her recent injury, our file was considered top priority.  Wow!!  I was struggling with how anything good could come of what had happened but here we are with Isabel's bone twice as strong in its healing and with a van currently in Montreal, funding approved for $16,000, being modified to better provide for her needs.  He is good indeed!

Another thing that happened was back in September.  Isabel was struggling with her breathing more than usual so she was brought in to Children's Hospital where they admitted her and had her on oxygen while they ran tests.  X-rays showed fluid in her lungs but more alarming was that her heart appeared to be larger than x-rays done a few months prior.  Cardiology got involved and an echo was performed on her heart.  The doctor sat me down and explained that Isabel had fluid around her heart and they needed to do a procedure using a needle into her chest to draw out some of that fluid for further testing.  Untreated, it could compress the heart and cause death but the procedure had risks of puncturing the heart, especially due to Isabel's scoliosis (curvature of her spine).  My friends, I prayed and prayed... I submitted her life into Yaweh's hands.  The procedure was scheduled for the next morning.  Her father and I were there first thing.  They wheeled her away for one last echo prior to the procedure.  To our dismay, they returned and said the procedure was cancelled!!  The fluid seemed to be reducing on its own!!  Blessed is He who hears the prayers of those who love Him!!!  I still cannot thank our families, loved ones, etc.. enough for uniting with us in prayer.  We are still visiting cardiology every couple of months to make sure the fluid is still going away on its own.  So far, doctors are pleased with echo results.

Lastly, we have our Melina.  She is twenty and planning a wedding for this May.  She has been tasked with making supper twice a week in preparation for the harsh reality of working and being responsible for ones own meals.  She is slowly growing in her confidence to cook...  She is full of bright ideas for the kids and is doing a great job being a nanny for a family in the city.  It is my delight to watch her grow in skill sets I pray will bless her home in the near future.

As for Duane and me, we have LOVED our first summer of grazing cattle.  It is in our blood!  We were blessed with his cousins cows to care for over the summer and Duane has dubbed me "the cow whisperer."  Although there is no whispering going on when I'm talking to those cows! :)  I LOVED caring for His creation and leading them to green pastures.  They trusted me and followed me even when it meant walking long distances.  It was a joy to ride out to them and see how they were doing and even more joyful to open up new grazing paddocks to them.  My husband was phenomenal with planning their rotations and I felt quite proud of his cowboy abilities.  Best of all was watching his excitement as he would take me for quad rides in the fields and show me how beautifully the soil was responding to our Holistic Management approach.  We would let the cows graze the plants half way down and then trample the rest back into the ground for regeneration and redistribution of carbon back into the soil.  Some local farmers called us crazy for wasting what could be turned into hay for selling, but seeing the land respond as though it could itself rejoice at life affirmed us in our resolve to "invest" in the land.  One of the blessings of keeping Torah is that the LORD will move us from a position of borrowing money, to being the ones lending it out.  Our debt load was so high that I did not see how this could be done but praise be to God, if He keeps blessing the works of our hands as he did this past summer, we could be exactly in such a position within two years!!  How is that humanly possible???  It isn't and that's exactly the point.  All praise to Him who is steadfast and faithful to His covenant!

So dear ones, that is my family in a nutshell these days.  Our home is buzzing with home school, music lessons and Torah studies.  We thank God Almighty for the freedom to worship Him in our home and in our country.  I pray this finds you doing well.  Thank you for loving our family.  May Adonai bless you and keep you and place His name upon you!  In Yeshua's name.. amen.

A Little Brother's Deliverance

I remember that night just over two years ago...

It had been months since I'd spoken to my younger brother, Eric.  It wasn't out of the ordinary... we barely ever spoke to each other anymore.  It seemed like we were worlds apart now, but the distance felt different this time.

Back when I was four and five years old, I would beg my mother "please, please, please Mom... please can I have a little brother?"  My poor mother would be hounded by her fifth child who was actually willing to share the "glory" of being the baby of the family!  A sad smile would cross her face as she explained that another baby was not in the picture at this time... but my heart told me otherwise!  Little did I know that my parents were struggling with their marriage and it would be a couple of years later that my siblings and I would be sitting in the living room when I would learn what "divorce" means.  At seven years of age, I learned that hope can disappear before your eyes like a mirage.  Everything changed as did any dreams of being a big sister.

Or was it?

To my surprise, after the big move from the farm to the city, my Mom shared the news that she was pregnant.  I would be eight years old when my long-awaited little brother was to arrive... I was convinced it was a boy from the get-go and I pleaded with my mother that his name would be Andre.  For several months of the pregnancy, I asked to live with my Mom and I loved praying for the baby and talking to the baby... at seven years old, I was quite convinced this baby was being born just for me!  LOL!!

I was too young to understand the significance at the time, but when my mother was five months pregnant, she pulled over on the side of the road to help my older brother with a car issue.  A woman driver struck my mother who went flying fifteen feet through the air and landed on her pregnant belly.  She lay there not knowing if she was about to get driven over... As a little girl, all I knew was that Mom had been in an accident.  Having borne six children of my own and knowing intimately the tenderness of a five month pregnant belly, I cannot describe the feeling that chokes me when I think of this event.

In the hospital, Mom was spitting out teeth and they warned her that they could not locate the baby's heartbeat.  She asked to be left alone with her unborn child for just a few moments...

When Mom tells me this story, her eyes are sombre as she recalls reaching deep within herself prayerfully to stir the life in her womb through Christ Jesus.  Finally, like answered prayer, she felt a little kick.  He was alive!  He was delivered from the threat of death!  And her soul was affirmed in knowing that this little life was precious and meant to be!  But the rest of her pregnancy would be delicate with random bouts of bleeding.  Doctors made it clear that this would be a fragile time and not without continued risk.

When the time came for my brother to be born, I could hardly wait!  Finally, I got the news that he was born and off we went to the hospital to meet my long-awaited brother.  I fell instantly in love and we all passed him around.  My eldest sister got this look in her eyes as she gazed at him and said "He just doesn't look like an Andre."  My face dropped... no, no, no... this was Andre!  "He looks more like an Eric."  I zipped my face to look at Mom who seemed to be considering this!!  I was anything but gracious in my response... downright having a crying fit.  My mother consoled me by saying "when the time comes for him to be baptized, you can be his Godmother."

Deal.

Only problem is that by the time Eric turned six, seven and eight, we couldn't stand each other!  And when did Mom decide to baptize him?  Yep, right around this time.  Oy!  When she asked if I wanted to step up to plate as Godmother, I replied "No way!"  There was nothing godly about my heart towards him at that time.

Drats.

Teenage years hit and Eric became gangster style, skipping school, tattoos, and partying with friends.  He'd swagger around demanding respect but not willing to show respect to anyone nor behave respectfully.  We really started drifting a part... and yet there always seemed to be moments of reconnection.  Perhaps that whole "blood is thicker than water" bears more significance than we realize.

Young adulthood and Eric was hardly seen.  He barely came to family gatherings anymore and he was now into drugs.  Even though he is our "half-brother," he has always been my "full brother."  But perhaps gatherings were becoming stranger as these often happened at my father's home who, despite not being his father, always welcomed Eric among his children.  What was this growing chasm and could anything ever close it in again?  The brother I'd always prayed for was truly now being prayed for... but it felt as though my prayers were falling on deaf ears. And then the news...

"Eric is eloping."

"WHAT???  Married??  To whom?  Mom, have you met her?  Has anyone met her?"

"Only a couple of times but she sure doesn't like me."

"Oh Mom, I'm so sorry.  Surely that mustn't sit well with Eric."

That August, Eric eloped and married a woman ten years his senior whose reputation and current behaviour left us hoping and praying for a miracle... after all, anyone can become a new creation when they find Yeshua, right?  There's always hope, right?  After all, some of the strongest testimonies of faith I've ever heard came from people who'd had very brutal pasts!

Alas, now I bring you back to the distance that was beginning to feel different...

It was now two months into his marriage, I decided to take a chance and reach out to him via text.  I couldn't remember the last time I had texted him and for whatever reason, he was on my mind something fierce.  Wherever he was, whatever he was doing, I needed him to know he was loved and prayed for (in every sense of the word).  It was an autumn evening.  I remember because the feel of impending winter-death was in the air.

"Hey Bud... wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I love you and I'm praying for you."

To my surprise, the phone began to ring.  It was Eric!

"Rita, did you talk to Mom?"

"Hello to you, too!  What do you mean 'did I talk to Mom.'?"

"Did you talk to Mom?  Did she say something?"  His voice was shaken up and upset.

"Eric, what's going on?  Are you ok?"

There was silence on the other end then suddenly, my little brother broke down and I asked him "please come over right now."

"k."

Within thirty minutes, I sat across from my kitchen table looking into my brother's brokenness as he shared such horrible things he was being subjected to in his marriage, things I didn't know could be said or done.  I cried, too.  And then he confessed:

"Rita... when you texted me, I had tried to take my life and had failed."

My baby brother.  The one I had begged God for... whose life was so wanted... whose life was spared in the womb... whose life just now was narrowly snuffed out...

Something had to be done.  And something deep in my spirit knew it.

"Eric, I don't have anything of this world to give to you.  But I do have something out of this world that will equip you and armour you to face what you are facing.  Will you allow me to text you bible verses as the LORD reveals them to me?  The more you know His word, the more it will protect you like a shield.  It's His promise, Eric.  And God keeps His promises."

Normally I would hesitate about offering someone the Hope of faith in Yeshua so boldly, but my brother's life was at stake and all I could do was turn to the Author of Life, the giver of life and introduce my brother to Him.

"Sh*t, Rita.... why not?  What the he** have I got to lose?"

Duane and I laid our hands on my little brother and prayed over him.  My brother left that night and the prayer stirring from deep within continued to pour forth from my heart that night.  "Yahweh, you alone open eyes and ears and hearts to see and hear and receive you.  Please, Father, let this be your timing to reveal yourself to my brother.  Please, give him life, true life, in you.   Be his helmet of salvation, his breastplate of righteousness, his belt of truth and shoes of peace, his shield of faith and his sword of the spirit, which is your word.  I ask this in your son Yeshua's holy name... amen."

The verses the LORD revealed to me throughout the following weeks were amazing!  He knew exactly what Eric needed to hear and made sure I just so happened to "stumble" upon them.  Within weeks, my brother was phoning me regularly proclaiming the miracle of the protection he was experiencing!

"Rita!  Even when she's yelling horrible things at me, all I feel is peace!  I feel protected, like in a safe place and instead of being angry and yelling back, I just feel sadness for her brokenness... I love her so much."

Every ounce of my being wanted to tell my brother "Run away!  Get out of there!  Come live here if you need to!" but something told me it was important to be quiet and keep these feelings to myself.  I tamed my tongue (not an easy task for this gal!) and said:

"Eric, what do you feel the LORD is telling you to do?"

"I know it doesn't make sense, but I feel like He's telling me to stay.  I can't leave her.  It's like He's telling me to love her just as she is the way He loves me just as I am."

Gulp!  I feared for his life.  I wanted to talk him out of what he was feeling called to do, but it is when we trust our own will instead of submitting to the mystery of His that bad things happen in the first place!  When we elevate our human logic above His authority over the realm of impossibility, we fail to see His fingerprint, His mighty works.  Did I want Eric to trust in my logical counsel to flee or was I ready to trust God's fingerprint?  Did I trust His promise to be a shield?

"Ok, Eric.  If that's what He's telling you to do, then it's very important that you obey."

I meant those words... and somehow, realizing I believed them brought a surprised sense of reassurance.  If my brother was being called to love when it is hardest to love, doesn't that have God's name written all over it?

Deep breath... trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  If God is truly with my brother, what can mere mortals do?

By Spring, Eric said "Rita, you remember that bible you bought me a few years back?  Well, I feel like a jerk but I lost it.  But if you buy me another one, I promise I'll read it cover to cover and not lose it again."

"Deal."

I gave him his bible at the end of June.  By mid-July, he was the one sending me bible verses!!  LOL!!  It was wonderful!!  But his wife would try to rip the bible out of his hands so he would have to read it locked in a room while she'd yell at him "Pick!  It's either me or God!"  To which Eric would reply "Don't you understand that if I love God first, He will equip me to love you more than I ever could if I put you before Him?  I want to love you by God's power, not by mortal efforts!"

He pulled out his bible at work during lunch and coffee breaks.  The LORD stirred his heart into a treasure hunt through His Word.  By September, Eric was convinced it was essential to keep the 7th day Sabbath as made holy by God and to uphold His everlasting covenant... His Torah (instructions) including His holy feast days.  His wife was livid.  There was an incident that required 9-1-1 intervention and my brother came to stay at our home until things settled.  The family rallied together to support Eric in many various ways and it was a great reminder that no matter what, we as siblings are there for each other.

But Eric's wife decided to leave my brother for good and made arrangements to move out East in another province.  This was happening during the Feast of Tabernacles in the fall and Eric notified me on a day I just happened to come across this verse:

"To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her... the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband... But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so.  In such cases the brother or sister [in Christ] is not enslaved.  God has called you to peace."  (1 Corinthians 7:12-15)

My brother had accurately understood God's nudging to stay and now He was granting him peace by having her choose to leave him!  I genuinely believe that it is my brother's faith that finally opened that woman's womb that three months after she moved away, she became pregnant... the very reason she claimed to be so angry with God in the first place, was lifted.  I watched my brother pour forth powerful prayers for her despite the sufferings he endured.  I understand why Love covers a multitude of sin!

Today, Eric is passionate about the Word of God, studying the Torah diligently and seeing how powerfully it is upheld in the New Testament and by Yeshua's words in red.

If you believed Moses, then you would believe me for he wrote about me.  But if you do not believe his writings [the Torah of God], how will you believe my words?  (John 5:46)

With growing confidence, my brother believes the words in red because they testify to the truth of God's everlasting covenant, His Torah, His righteous law with which He governs us, through which He executes His justice and through which He shows us great mercy!  Today, he shares his story boldly and testifying to the power of God's Word.  His coworkers draw near and ask questions which Eric answers with the caveat "but read His word and put my words to the test against it.  If He can teach me, He can teach anyone!"  My brother is a walking testimony to the New Creation promised by faith in Yeshua!

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold the new has come.  All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.  (2 Corinthians 5:17-19)

All of this to say that my little brother, whom I have loved since before he was ever formed in the womb, has also been loved by the Father long before his soul was knitted to bone in the womb!

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.  (Psalm 139:13-16)

If our Potter could give this little 'ol pot the means to understand love before physical creation, then just imagine the power of the love of our Potter before He forms us physically!  Our name is known, we are called forth, we are all knit from a place of "knowing."

May you never doubt that you are loved and wanted.  May you never believe the lie that you cannot be loved or forgiven because of the things you've done or seen or thought.  It is a lie!  Every moment you seek Him through His Word, this very Word will wash away your sins with your tears of remorse... you will watch your filthy garments be exchanged for linens white as snow!  And you will look upon the shining face of the Word made flesh, Yeshua, and know that He has the authority to give you these white linens because of His atoning work of shedding His blood unto death on the cross.  He has conquered death that He might deliver you from death... even from the womb!

So my beloved brethren out there, accept this love and let it humble you.... do not fear the pain of being refined for He is treating you as children whom He loves.  In your current sufferings, remember who is calling you and rejoice.  God bless you all out there!

Here is picture of my brother I took after seeing two planes leave cloud dust in the shape of the cross in the sky.

The Gift of Hearing

It's been a while!  I've missed you!  It still amazes me that I type out my thoughts and without speaking an audible word, you hear me way out on the other side of the world... next door... a few towns away... my thoughts connecting with yours.  The complexities of "connection" never cease to amaze me.

Sivana is turning five this Fall and she is such an eager learner.  She is quiet and sweet but her determination makes her impatient with being taught... so she tackles learning hands-on whether we're ready or not. :)

There is an FM device that schools typically provide for children with hearing aids.  A receiver hangs around the neck of the person wearing hearing aids which connects to the microphone on the teacher which allows direct connection to the hearing aids.  A brilliant way to ensure that despite all the noise around, a clear voice is heard directly.  Well, there is a wireless bluetooth technology approach to this same concept.  Unfortunately, we found out that despite paying school taxes, because we homeschool our children, we are not eligible to be provided with this technology.  So we have been saving up for several months to buy Sivana her own Compilot.  Once purchased, we visited the audiologist who set it up with Sivana's hearing aids.

Then, the moment... trying it out for the first time.

The device hung around Sivana's neck as we turned the button on and a little blue light appeared.  Then I put the microphone on my shirt and turned the button and watched the little blue light flash until it was in sync.  Then I spoke.

"Sivana, can you hear mommy?"

"Yes!"

I wandered into another room where she couldn't see me and I spoke again.

"Sivana, can you still hear mommy?"

Her beautiful giggle warmed my heart as she joyfully said "Yes!  I can!"

We held hands walking back to the van and giggled together about how much fun this was.  She climbed into the far back seat, put her seatbelt on and I looked into my rear view mirror at my beautiful little girl and I got to speak to her.

"Sivana... can you still hear me?"

Her eyes looked up at me in the mirror and she smiled with reassurance "yes Mommy!"

Our van is so noisy that I have given up trying to converse with Sivana while driving.  Even with her hearing aids, my voice simply cannot carry to her adequately.  But that day... oh my dears... that day we talked about everything we saw on our drive.  We sang songs and I choked back tears of joy at the barrier between us that was no longer there.

Connection.

It was more than connecting sound to ears, it was more than connecting thought to thought, understanding and being understood... it was heart to heart, joy to joy, mother to daughter.  I praised God for His provisions... for the ability to purchase such a device.  It seems so simple but what it accomplished is immeasurable.

Sivana is adjusting very well to it.  The last time I sat with her to homeschool, I wore the mic.  On her receiver, she has a + and - sign to control the volume.  I burst out laughing as we were wrapping up (but not yet done) our lesson and I watched her click the - button to turn my volume off!  Too funny!!  She giggled when she saw that I'd caught on to what she was doing... Ok, Ok, I can take a hint.

Another really cool aspect to this technology is that it allows Sivana to sync with the teaching iPad so that the sound goes directly to her hearing aids.  It is a great tool.

Aside from the new technology, Sivana is visited monthly by a Speech Therapist and a Teacher for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing.  We are so grateful for the skill sets these lovely women contribute to Sivana's learning and adapting.  The other day, as I was walking the teacher back towards her vehicle, she turned to me and said "I have been teaching for over twenty years.  I have never seen a child as bright as Sivana.  You've gotta set the bar high for her... she deserves it."

Gulp!

She has done three different assessment/aptitude tests and Sivana is above average in the category of hearing children, let alone those dealing with hearing impairment!  See what I mean by my statement that she is an eager learner?  Oy!  The LORD has blessed her and I cannot praise Him enough for the strength He gives her and the gentleness of her heart.  Even during one of the aptitude tests, the person asked "What is your favourite color?"  So Sivana answered but before the woman could continue, Sivana says "what is YOUR favourite color?"  The woman looked surprised but answered her then continued.  "What is your Father's name?"  "Duane... what is YOUR Father's name?"  The woman smiled and shared her father's name.  By the end, this woman looked at me and said "I've been doing this test with many children some as old as seventeen.  Never have I experienced the questions being asked of me!  Your daughter is thriving and is so engaged."

My dear ones... I delight in these, my special children.  I cannot thank God enough for trusting them in my care, allowing me to be witness to their lives.  I feel so privileged to be their mama and I just pray that He equip me for the task, that He keeps me humble and open to reason, just as eager to learn.  It is a level of connection that exceeds capacity for words... but quiet understanding keeps good company with it.

Wherever you are, thank you for connecting with me just now.  I pray that you are blessed this day and always... that you are eager to learn and to be engaged with others... to care more about the details of who they are than your own details being known.  I pray that you be rich with connection.  God bless you!

Marriage Vow

It's fast approaching... this summer, it will have been nine years since I entered a marriage covenant with my husband.  We laid out the conditions of faithfulness to each other and made promises according to those vows of faithfulness.  We signed a contract that made those conditions legally binding... so much so that any of you who have been through a divorce knows full well the extensive legal requirements to "absolve" those legal vows.

It's a legally binding contract of faithfulness.  Even Yeshua taught that the only grounds by which this legal contract between husband and wife is broken is either by death or on the grounds of sexual immorality... infidelity.

Infidelity...

Now remember that He also taught that if we ever have a lustful thought towards anyone else other than our spouse, we've committed adultery in our hearts!  That's a whole lot of keeping-in-check with our eyes, our thoughts and our heart.  How many of us pass this test?

Now imagine if the consequence for this unfaithfulness meant a death penalty.  How many of us would be alive today?  Does that make the vows evil?  By no means!  Did temptation find a footstool in our heart THROUGH those vows?  Yes!

Thousands of years ago, God redeemed a people by His grace and He brought them out of slavery in Egypt, not by any works of their hands but by His sheer mercy and grace.  But then He did something very special... He entered into marriage vows with them at the base of Mount Sinai.  He said "I am the one who redeemed you.  Here is my covenant vow, my Law.  Keep it in your heart and DO this because it is what faithfulness towards me looks like.  It is a legal contract and when you walk in faithfulness to it, the world will know that I am your husband for I am its Author, your Redeemer."

Then he took the Book of the Covenant [Law] and read it in the hearing of the people. And they said, “All that the LORD has spoken we will do, and we will be obedient.” And Moses took the blood and threw it on the people and said, “Behold the blood of the covenant that the LORD has made with you in accordance with all these words."  (Exodus 24:7-8)

But sin seized an opportunity THROUGH those vows.  Because God now revealed to us what faithfulness to Him looks like, and more specifically, what INFIDELITY looks like... suddenly temptation had a foot in!  And its consequence is Death.

Does that make God's Law, His marriage vows evil?  Or did temptation find a footstool in our heart THROUGH His vows?

What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.” But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead. I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.  (Romans 7:7-12)

Now imagine our husband becoming human in the form of a Son.... a Son whose destiny is to inherit all that belongs to His Father.  He has come because of the INFIDELITY of His bride to spare her the fate of death for her breach of faith.  He takes on death and conquers it three days later by being resurrected, the first fruits of the harvested souls that belong to God.  Now His bride, when covered by the holiness of His death, cannot be touched by death of the soul.  The legal demand of infidelity has been conquered!  She is freed!  But be very careful with what message of "freedom" is being proclaimed!  Freed from the legal demand of death... but are His marriage vows still there?

“The Law and the Prophets were until John; since then the good news of the kingdom of God is preached, and everyone forces his way into it. But it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for one dot of the Law to become void."  (Luke 16:16-17)

Do we then overthrow the law by this faith? By no means! On the contrary, we uphold the law.  (Romans 3:31) 

For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.  For the LORD has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God.  For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you.  In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,” says the LORD, your Redeemer.  (Isaiah 54:5-8)

So what does continued faithfulness to our Husband look like?  Did our Redeemer abolish those marriage vows or did He safeguard them from the legal demand of death?  If adultery begins in the heart, where should those vows be?  Are they the same vows or different ones?

“Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the Lord. For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people."  (Jeremiah 31:31-33 The New Covenant)

You would not believe how many people have accused our family of being legalistic because we live by these marriage vows of God... His law... whom He gives only to His REDEEMED.  Redemption first and then His marriage vows... that's been the pattern established from the beginning.  God's law does not save us, God's law is the wedding band on our finger that testifies that we have been betrothed!  Our heart towards it determines our FAITHFULNESS to our Redeemer, our Husband.

The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice.  The law of his God is in his heart; his steps do not slip.  (Psalms 37:30-31)

I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.  (Psalms 40:8)

“Listen to me, you who know righteousness, the people in whose heart is my law; fear not the reproach of man, nor be dismayed at their revilings.”  (Isaiah 51:7)

We are saved by grace, but we are JUDGED by our works of righteousness/faithfulness.

By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.  (1 John 3:10)

And it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to do all this commandment before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us.  (Deuteronomy 6:25)

All Scripture [old testament] is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.  (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill [teach] them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."  (Matthew 5:17-20)

Claiming to be saved by our Redeemer yet reviling His Law is infidelity.  And He will seek our mind and heart to see who is faithful to Him and who is not, for in our heart and mind should be His law...

“I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."  (Jeremiah 17:10)

"Behold, I will throw her onto a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works, and I will strike her children dead. And all the churches will know that I am he who searches mind and heart, and I will give to each of you according to your works."  (Revelation 2:22-23)

Therefore, as the tongue of fire devours the stubble, and as dry grass sinks down in the flame, so their root will be as rottenness, and their blossom go up like dust; for they have rejected the law of the LORD of hosts, and have despised the word of the Holy One of Israel.  (Isaiah 5:24)

Hear, O earth; behold, I am bringing disaster upon this people, the fruit of their devices, because they have not paid attention to my words; and as for my law, they have rejected it.  (Jeremiah 6:19)

So the next time someone is inclined to accuse you of being legalistic, ask them if they are faithful to their spouse.  If they answer you "yes"... then ask them if that makes their marriage legalistic.  For me, it is my DELIGHT to keep His vows.  I'm always learning, ever growing as He grants me understanding... I find out more breaches of faith as I seek and study His word, but I know His grace covers me in those moments of ignorance that I may truly "go and sin no more."

Do you find it burdensome to be faithful to your husband?  Nor do I find it burdensome to be faithful to mine.

"For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments and His commandments are NOT BURDENSOME."  (1 John 5:3)

Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the LORD commanded you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments and to cling to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul."  (Joshua 22:5) 

Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, “The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses 'seat, so do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do. For they preach, but do not practice."  (Matthew 23:1-3)

God bless you all out there!  May your marriages be blessed, fruitful, humble and ever growing like a tree.  And may your betrothal to our Redeemer make you eager for the Marriage Supper of the Lamb upon His return!  Praise be to God for His faithfulness to us!  In Yeshua's name... Amen.

Projectile Projections for Family Vacations (part 2)

The drive back home...

Snacks?  check.  Water bottles?  check.  Charged iPods?  check.  Puke buckets?  check.  GPS?  check.  Ok.. I think we're ready.

Four hours of driving to Fargo and everything went well.  No one got sick, praise be to God!  It was a time-crunch as we were arriving in Fargo for 12:30 so a quick stop at Costco for tasty, cheap lunch, bathroom break, and a quick shop and we'd be heading off again.  

Unfortunately, my husband contested my initial desire to update the maps on GPS prior to leaving for this trip and I had reluctantly abandoned my hope of doing so.  Well, my friends, Costco in Fargo is in a new development and we drove around for thirty minutes asking people at gas stations for help only to get about five or six different directions!!  

At 1:00 pm we finally peel the children out of a loaded (top to bottom) van and make our way into Costco.  Bladders cleared and bellies hungry, we anxiously sit at a picnic table with food for everyone, sing our Thank-You-Yaweh song to bless the food and begin to eat.  Avalyn is sitting between Anika and me and after a few bites of her hot dog, she begins to cough that cough... you moms know what I'm talking about... like something is trying to climb up their throat and it's making them cough.

No.  Please no.

That tiny little frame erupted with so much vomitous mass (yes, I just made up a word... trust me, it's deserved)... and it wouldn't stop coming out!  Onto the table, down the side, dripping onto her pants and floor.  Duane, being the calm person that he is, makes the observation "gee, I see the soup we had two nights ago!"  Duane and I tried with the napkins nearby but the sheer volume of vomit was too much.

In my head, I did not want to run back to the van to attempt digging through the mass of things to access the luggage AT THE BOTTOM.  So in what seemed brilliant at the moment, I said "that's it!  I'm grabbing an outfit right here and we'll hose her down in the bathroom and get her changed!"

I left my husband with four children and a mountain of vomit (yes, I see the folly to my plan now) and head straight to the neatly folded piles of kids' clothing.  I am burrowing through them looking for a size 3T outfit that has a sweater and pants and shirt only to discover that these people either discriminate against this size by not carrying it or every mother who has a 3-year-old daughter decided to simultaneously buy Costco out of this size just prior to our arrival!!  Finally I find ONE and run to the checkout only to be greeted by a very laid back checkout personnel who then takes his sweet time looking the outfit over... this side, inside, the other side, the back side, inside again... eegats, man!  I'm about to consider theft if this takes any longer!!

"Hmmm, this one doesn't appear to have a tag.  Manager!  I need help over here!"

To my dismay, the manager casually walks over only to do the exact same thing!!  "Hmmm, this one doesn't seem to have a tag.  Oh and look, it has a stain right here."  I finally say "FORGET IT!  It's OK... I'll go find another one!"

Back I go to the piles of clothes, flinging them around at this point, I grab a boy's outfit and run back.

I get back to Duane who tells me he watched as the poor manager gagged while mopping up Avalyn's chunky vomit.  And as people were walking past, they would suddenly realize what was going on and they would start gagging, too! 

When we finally got home (we refused to stop anywhere else and drove straight thru the remaining few hours), my mother was patiently waiting.  She had taken care of our puppy, Josie, while we were away.  We walked thru the door exhausted only to have dear Josie jump around so excitedly that she proceeded to pee all over the place.  I hadn't even taken my jacket off and I was already on the floor cleaning up dog pee.

Welcome home, indeed!

Honestly, I’m happy to leave any notion of a “holiday” behind me for a little while… sigh…. or at least until my long-term-memory kicks out again and we forget what these are really like and decide to plan another one.  At least my joy can come from knowing this is at least getting some chuckles out of someone!  I know, I know… I’ll be laughing before too long, too. 

For now, it is home sweet home!